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Aftr mî wrc in ɖ Siti, I lîc t b at hom. Ẃt’s ɖ gd v a hom, f y r nvr in it? “Hom, Swīt Hom,” ɖt’s mî moto. I am olwz in v an īvnñ. Ǎr old frend Gowñ me drop in wɖt seriṃni; so me Cumñz, hu livz oṗzit. Mî dir wîf Caṛlîn n I r plizd t si ɖm, f ɖe lîc t drop in on s. Bt Cári n I cn manij t pas ǎr īvnñz tgɖr wɖt frendz. Ɖr z olwz smʈñ t b dn: a tintac hir, a Vnīśn blînd t pt stret, a fan t nêl p, or part v a carpit t nêl dǎn – ol v ẃć I cn d wɖ mî pîp in mî mǎʈ; ẃl Cári z nt abv ptñ a butn on a śrt, mndñ a piloces, or pracṭsñ ɖ “Silvia Gvót” on ǎr ny cotijpiano (on ɖ ʈri yirz’ sistm), mańfacćrd bî W. Bilcsn (in smōl letrz), fṛm Colard n Colard (in vri larj letrz). It z olso a gret cumf̣t t s t nǒ ɖt ǎr bô Wili z gtñ on so wel in ɖ Banc at Oldm. W śd lîc t si mor v him. Nǎ fr mî dayri: –

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I śut ɖ dor, n wz gvñ Cári t unḍstand ɖt ɖs dsgresfl sīn wz intîrli hr fōlt, ẃn ɖr wz a vayḷnt cicñ at ɖ dor, inuf t brec ɖ panlz. It wz ɖ blagard bćr agn, hu sd h hd cut hiz ft ovr ɖ screpr, n wd imīɉtli brñ an ax́n agnst m. Cōld at Farṃsn’z, ɖ aynmungr, on mî we t tǎn, n gev him ɖ job v muvñ ɖ screpr n rperñ ɖ belz, ʈncñ it scersli wrʈ ẃl t trubl ɖ landlord wɖ sć a trîf̣lñ matr.

Arîvd hom tîrd n wurid. Mr Putli, a pentr n dec̣retr, hu hd snt in a card, sd h cd nt mać ɖ culr on ɖ sterz, az it cntend Indịn carmîn. H sd h spent haf-a-de cōlñ at wérhǎzz t si f h cd gt it. H sjstd h śd intîrli rīpent ɖ sterz. It wd cost vri litl mor; f h traid t mać it, h cd onli mc a bad job v it. It wd b mor saṭsfactri t him n t s t hv ɖ wrc dn proprli. I cnsntd, bt flt I hd bn tōct ovr. Plantd sm musṭd-n-cres n raḍśz, n wnt t bed at nîn.

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Pít, a munci v sevntīn, hu hz onli bn wɖ s six wīcs, tld m “t cīp mî her on!” I informd him I hd hd ɖ onr v biyñ in ɖ frm twenti yirz, t ẃć h inṣḷntli rplaid ɖt I “lct it.” I gev him an indignnt lc, n sd: “I dmand fṛm y sm rspct, sr.” H rplaid: “Ol rît, g on dmandñ.” I wd nt argy wɖ him eni frɖr. Y canot argy wɖ ppl lîc ɖt. In ɖ īvnñ Gowñ cōld, n rpitd hiz cmplent abt ɖ smel v pent. Gowñ z smtmz vri tīdịs wɖ hiz rmarcs, n nt olwz cōśs; n Cári wns vri proprli rmîndd him ɖt ś wz preznt.

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I wz haf-an-aur lêt at ɖ ofis, a ʈñ ɖt hz nvr hapnd t m bfr. Ɖr hz rīsntli bn mć ireğlaṛti in ɖ atndns v ɖ clarcs, n Mr Prcup, ǎr prinsipl, unforćṇtli ćouz ɖs vri mornñ t pǎns dǎn upn s rli. Smwn hd gvn ɖ tip t ɖ uɖrz. Ɖ rzult wz ɖt I wz ɖ onli wn lêt v ɖ lot. Buclñ, wn v ɖ sīńr clarcs, wz a bric, n I wz sevd bî hiz inṭvnśn. Az I pást bî Pít’s dsc, I hŕd him rmarc t hiz nebr: “Hǎ dsgresf̣li lêt sm v ɖ hed clarcs arîv!” Ɖs wz, v cors, mnt fr m. I trītd ɖ obẓveśn wɖ sîḷns, simpli gvñ him a lc, ẃć unforćṇtli hd ɖ ifct v mcñ bʈ v ɖ clarcs laf. Ʈt aftwdz it wd hv bn mor digṇfaid f I hd pritndd nt t hv hŕd him at ol. Cumñz cōld in ɖ īvnñ, n w pleid doṃnoz.

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In ɖ īvnñ, aftr ti, Gowñ dropt in, n w hd a smoc tgɖr in ɖ brecfstparlr. Cári jônd s lêtr, bt dd nt ste loñ, seyñ ɖ smoc wz tù mć fr hr. It wz olso rɖr tù mć fr m, fr Gowñ hd gvn m ẃt h cōld a grīn sgar, wn ɖt hiz frend Śūmac hd jst bròt ovr fṛm America. Ɖ sgar dd’nt lc grīn, bt I fansi I mst hv dn so; fr ẃn I hd smoct a litl mor ɖn haf I wz oblîjd t rtîr on ɖ prītxt v telñ Sẹra t brñ in ɖ glasz.

I tc a wōc rnd ɖ gardn ʈri or for tîmz, fīlñ ɖ nīd v freś er. On rtrnñ Gowñ notist I wz nt smocñ: ofrd m anɖr sgar, ẃć I p’lîtli dclînd. Gowñ bgan hiz yźl snifñ, so, antiṣpetñ him, I sd: “Y’r nt gwñ t cmplen v ɖ smel v pent agn?” H sd: “No, nt ɖs tîm; bt I’l tel y ẃt, I dstñtli smel drî rot.” I d’nt ofn mc jocs, bt I rplaid: “Y’r tōcñ a lot v drî rot yrslf.” I cd nt hlp rorñ at ɖs, n Cári sd hr sîdz qt ect wɖ laftr. I nvr wz so imnsli ticld bî enʈñ I hv evr sd bfr. I acć̣li wouc p twîs jrñ ɖ nît, n laft tl ɖ bed śc.

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Az it wz gtñ on fr fîv, w for hld a conslteśn, n Gowñ sjstd ɖt w śd mc fr “Ɖ Cǎ & Hej” n gt sm ti. Stilbrŭc sd: “A brandi-n-soda wz gd inuf fr him.” I rmîndd ɖm ɖt ol publichǎzz wr clozd tl six o’cloc. Stilbrŭc sd, “Ɖt’s ol rît – bona-fide travlrz.”W arîvd; n az I wz trayñ t pas, ɖ man in ćarj v ɖ get sd: “Ẃr fṛm?” I rplaid: “Hoḷwe.” H imīɉtli pt p hiz arm, n dclînd t let m pas. I trnd bac fr a momnt, ẃn I sw Stilbrŭc, closli foloud bî Cumñz n Gowñ, mc fr ɖ entṛns. I woćt ɖm, n ʈt I wd hv a gd laf at ɖer xpns, I hŕd ɖ portr se: “Ẃr fṛm?” Ẃn, t mî s’prîz, in fact dsgust, Stilbrŭc rplaid: “Blachīʈ,” n ɖ ʈri wr imīɉtli admitd.

Gowñ cōld t m acrs ɖ get, n sd: “W ś’nt b a minit.” I wêtd fr ɖm ɖ bst part v an aur. Ẃn ɖe apird ɖe wr ol in most xḷnt spirits, n ɖ onli wn hu md an ef̣t t apoḷjîz wz Mr Stilbrŭc, hu sd t m: “It wz vri ruf on y t b cept wêtñ, bt w hd anɖr spin fr S. n B.’s.” I wōct hom in sîḷns; I cd’nt spīc t ɖm. I flt vri dul ol ɖ īvnñ, bt dīmd it advîẓbl nt t se enʈñ t Cári abt ɖ matr.

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Ẃl pleyñ doṃnoz wɖ Cumñz in ɖ parlr, h sd: “Bî-ɖ-bî, d y wont eni wîn or spirits? Mî cuzn Mrtn hz jst set p in ɖ tred, n hz a splendid ẃisci, for yirz in botl, at ʈrti-et śilñz. It z wrʈ yr ẃl leyñ dǎn a fy duzn v it.” I tld him mî sélrz, ẃć wr vri smōl, wr fl p. T mî horr, at ɖt vri momnt, Sẹra entrd ɖ rūm, n ptñ a botl v ẃisci, rápt in a drti pìs v nyzpepr, on ɖ tebl in frunt v s, sd: “Plīz, sr, ɖ grosr sz h e’nt got no mor Ciṇhn, bt y’l fînd ɖs vri gd at tū-n-six, wɖ tupns rtrnd on ɖ botl; n, plīz, dd y wont eni mor śeri? az h hz sm at wn-n-ʈri, az drî az a nut!”

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H līnd bac in hiz ćer n sd: “Y mst tec m az I am;” n I rplaid: “Yes – n y mst tec s az w r. W’r homli ppl, w r nt swelz.”H ansrd: “No, I cn si ɖt,” n Gowñ rord wɖ laftr; bt Mrtn in a most jntlmnli manr sd t Gowñ: “I d’nt ʈnc y qt unḍstand m. I intndd t cnve ɖt ǎr ćarmñ host n hostes wr s’pirịr t ɖ foliz v faśn, n prifŕd līdñ a simpl n holsm lîf t gadñ abt t tuṗni-heṗni tīdrincñ afṭnunz, n livñ abv ɖer incumz.”

I wz imnsli plizd wɖ ɖz snṣbl rmarcs v Mrtn’z, n cncludd ɖt subjict bî seyñ: “No, candidli, Mr Mrtn, w d’nt g intu Ssayti, bcz w d nt cer fr it; n ẃt wɖ ɖ xpns v cabz hir n cabz ɖr, n ẃît gluvz n ẃît tîz, ets., it dz’nt sīm wrʈ ɖ muni.”

Mrtn sd in refṛns t frendz: “Mî moto z ‘Fy n Tru;’ n, bî ɖ we, I olso aplî ɖt t wîn, ‘Litl n Gd.’” Gowñ sd: “Yes, n smtmz ‘ćīp n testi,’ ê, old man?” Mrtn, stl cntinywñ, sd h śd trīt m az a frend, n pt m dǎn fr a duzn v hiz “Loc̣nbar” ẃisci, n az I wz an old frend v Gowñ, I śd hv it fr 36ś., ẃć wz cnsidṛbli undr ẃt h peid fr it.

H bct hiz ǒn ordr, n frɖr sd ɖt at eni tîm I wontd eni pasz fr ɖ ʈiytr I wz t let him nǒ, az hiz nem std gd fr eni ʈiytr in Lundn.

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W arîvd at ʈiytr, ẃr, krịsli inuf, ol ǎr ’buslod xpt an old wmn wɖ a bascit sīmd t b gwñ in. I wōct ahd n prizntd ɖ ticits. Ɖ man lct at ɖm, n cōld ǎt: “Mr Wiloli! d y nǒ enʈñ abt ɖz?” holdñ p mî ticits. Ɖ jntlmn cōld t, cem p n xamind mî ticits, n sd: “Hu gev y ɖz?” I sd, rɖr indignntli: “Mr Mrtn, v cors.” H sd: “Mrtn? Hu’z h?” I ansrd, rɖr śarpli: “Y òt t nǒ, hiz nem’z gd at eni ʈiytr in Lundn.” H rplaid: “Ǒ! z it? Wel, it e’nt no gd hir. Ɖz ticits, ẃć r nt detd, wr iśùd undr Mr Swinsted’z manijmnt, ẃć hz sins ćenjd handz.” Ẃl I wz hvñ sm vri unpleznt wrdz wɖ ɖ man, Jemz, hu hd gn upsterz wɖ ɖ lediz, cōld ǎt: “Cm on!” I wnt p aftr ɖm, n a vri sivl atndnt sd: “Ɖs we, plīz, box H.” I sd t Jemz: “Ẃ, hǎ on rʈ dd y manij it?” n t mî horr h rplaid: “Ẃ, peid fr it v cors.”Ɖs wz hymilietñ inuf, n I cd scersli folo ɖ ple, bt I wz dūmd t stl frɖr hymilieśn. I wz līnñ ǎt v ɖ box, ẃn mî tî – a litl blac bo ẃć fasnd on t ɖ stud bî mīnz v a ny petnt – fél intu ɖ pit b’lo. A clumzi man nt noṭsñ it, hd hiz ft on it fr evr so loñ bfr h dscuvrd it. H ɖen pict it p n ivnć̣li fluñ it undr ɖ nxt sīt in dsgust. Ẃt wɖ ɖ box-insidnt n ɖ tî, I flt qt mizṛbl. Mr Jemz, v Sutn, wz vri gd. H sd: “D’nt wuri – nwn wl notis it wɖ yr bird. Ɖt z ɖ onli advantij v growñ wn ɖt I cn si.” Ɖr wz no oceźn fr ɖt rmarc, fr Cári z vri prǎd v mî bird.

T hîd ɖ absns v ɖ tî I hd t cīp mî ćin dǎn ɖ rest v ɖ īvnñ, ẃć cōzd a pen at ɖ bac v mî nec.

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Dsîdd nt t wuri mslf eni mor abt ɖ Jemz’z; fr, az Cári wîzli sd, “W’l mc it ol rît wɖ ɖm bî ascñ ɖm p fṛm Sutn wn īvnñ nxt wīc t ple at Bzīc.”

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Forćṇtli, frɖr arğmnt on ɖ subjict wz stopt bî a vôs seyñ, “Me I cm in?” It wz onli Cumñz, hu sd, “Yr meid opnd ɖ dor, n asct m t xkz hr śowñ m in, az ś wz riññ ǎt sm socs.” I wz dlîtd t si him, n sjstd w śd hv a gem v ẃist wɖ a dumi, n bî we v merimnt sd: “Y cn b ɖ dumi.” Cumñz (I ʈt rɖr il-nećrdli) rplaid: “Funi az yźl.” H sd h cd’nt stop, h onli cōld t līv m ɖ Bîsicl Nyz, az h hd dn wɖ it.

Anɖr rñ at ɖ bel; it wz Gowñ, hu sd h “mst apoḷjîz fr cmñ so ofn, n ɖt wn v ɖz dez w mst cm rnd t him.” I sd: “A vri xtrordnri ʈñ hz struc m.” “Smʈñ funi, az yźl,” sd Cumñz. “Yes,” I rplaid; “I ʈnc īvn y wl se so ɖs tîm. It’s cnsrnñ y bʈ; fr dz’nt it sīm od ɖt Gowñ’z olwz cmñ n Cumñz olwz gwñ?” Cári, hu hd evidntli qt fgotn abt ɖ baʈ, wnt intu fits v laftr, n az fr mslf, I ferli dubld p in mî ćer, tl it cract bnʈ m. I ʈnc ɖs wz wn v ɖ bst jocs I hv evr md.

Ɖen imajin mî astoniśmnt on psivñ bʈ Cumñz n Gowñ prf̣cli sîḷnt, n wɖt a smîl on ɖer fesz. Aftr rɖr an unpleznt pōz, Cumñz, hu hd opnd a sgarces, clozd it p agn n sd: “Yes – I ʈnc, aftr ɖt, I śl b gwñ, n I am sori I fel t si ɖ fun v yr jocs.” Gowñ sd h dd’nt mînd a joc ẃn it wz’nt rūd, bt a pun on a nem, t hiz ʈncñ, wz srtnli a litl wontñ in gd test. Cumñz foloud it p bî seyñ, f it hd bn sd bî enwn els bt mslf, h śd’nt hv entrd ɖ hǎs agn. Ɖs rɖr unplezntli trṃnetd ẃt mt hv bn a ćirfl īvnñ. Hvr, it wz az wel ɖe wnt, fr ɖ ćarwmn hd finiśt p ɖ rmenz v ɖ cold porc.

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On muvñ mî hand abv ɖ srfis v ɖ wōtr, I xpirịnst ɖ gretist frît I evr rsivd in ɖ hol cors v mî lîf; fr imajin mî horr on dscuṿrñ mî hand, az I ʈt, fl v blud. Mî frst ʈt wz ɖt I hd rupćrd an arṭri, n wz blīdñ t deʈ, n śd b dscuvrd, lêtr on, lcñ lîc a secnd Marā, az I rmembr siyñ him in Madm Tūsod’z. Mî secnd ʈt wz t rñ ɖ bel, bt rmembrd ɖr wz no bel t rñ. Mî ʈrd wz, ɖt ɖr wz nʈñ bt ɖ inaml pent, ẃć hd dzolvd wɖ bôlñ wōtr. I stept ǎt v ɖ baʈ, prf̣cli red ol ovr, rzmḅlñ ɖ Red Indịnz I hv sìn dpictd at an Īst-End ʈiytr. I dtrmind nt t se a wrd t Cári, bt t tel Farṃsn t cm on Munde n pent ɖ baʈ ẃît.

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I canot tel ẃt indyst m t d it, bt I sizd hr rnd ɖ weist, n w wr sili inuf t b x’ktñ a wîld cnd v polca ẃn Sẹra entrd, grinñ, n sd: “Ɖr z a man, mum, at ɖ dor hu wonts t nǒ f y wont eni gd colz.” Most anoid at ɖs. Spent ɖ īvnñ in anṣrñ, n tẹrñ p agn, ɖ rplî t ɖ Manśnhǎs, hvñ left wrd wɖ Sẹra f Gowñ or Cumñz cōld w wr nt at hom. Mst cnsult Mr Prcup hǎ t ansr ɖ Lord Mẹr’z invteśn.

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Ɖ last tîm it wz ɖ grīngrosr’z bô, hu, nt siyñ it wz m, fr Sẹra hd nt lîtd ɖ gas, pśt intu mî handz tū caḅjz n haf-a-duzn col blocs. I indignntli ʈrù ɖm on ɖ grǎnd, n flt so anoid ɖt I so far fgot mslf az t box ɖ bô’z irz. H wnt awe crayñ, n sd h śd sumnz m, a ʈñ I wd nt hv hapn fr ɖ wrld. In ɖ darc, I stept on a pìs v ɖ cabij, ẃć bròt m dǎn on ɖ flagz ol v a hīp. Fr a momnt I wz stund, bt ẃn I rcuvrd I crōld upsterz intu ɖ drw̃rūm n on lcñ intu ɖ ćimniglas dscuvrd ɖt mî ćin wz blīdñ, mî śrt smird wɖ ɖ col blocs, n mî left trǎzr torn at ɖ ni.

Hvr, Msz Jemz bròt m dǎn anɖr śrt, ẃć I ćenjd in ɖ drw̃rūm. I pt a pìs v cortplastr on mî ćin, n Sẹra vri nītli soud p ɖ ter at ɖ ni. At nîn o’cloc Cári swept intu ɖ rūm, lcñ lîc a qīn. Nvr hv I sìn hr lc so luvli, or so dstnḡśt. Ś wz wẹrñ a satin dres v scî-blu – mî feṿrit culr – n a pìs v lês, ẃć Msz Jemz lent hr, rnd ɖ śoldrz, t gv a finiś. I ʈt phps ɖ dres wz a litl tù loñ bhnd, n dsîdidli tù śort in frunt, bt Msz Jemz sd it wz à la mode. Msz Jemz wz most cînd, n lent Cári a fan v îṿri wɖ red feɖrz, ɖ valy v ẃć, ś sd, wz prîslis, az ɖ feɖrz b’loñd t ɖ Caću īgl – a brd nǎ xtñt. I prifŕd ɖ litl ẃît fan ẃć Cári bòt fr ʈri-n-six at Śūlbred’z, bt bʈ lediz sat on m at wns.

W arîvd at ɖ Manśnhǎs tù rli, ẃć wz rɖr forćṇt, fr I hd an oṗtyṇti v spīcñ t hiz lordśp, hu greśsli condisndd t tōc wɖ m sm minits; bt I mst se I wz dis’pôntd t fînd h dd nt īvn nǒ Mr Prcup, ǎr prinsipl.

I flt az f w hd bn invîtd t ɖ Manśnhǎs bî wn hu dd nt nǒ ɖ Lord Mẹr himslf. Crǎdz arîvd, n I śl nvr fget ɖ grand sît. Mî humbl pén cn nvr dscrîb it. I wz a litl anoid wɖ Cári, hu cept seyñ: “Z’nt it a piti w d’nt nǒ enbdi?”

Wns ś qt lost hr hed. I sw smwn hu lct lîc Franćñ, fṛm Pecm, n wz muvñ twdz him ẃn ś sizd m bî ɖ coțeilz, n sd qt lǎdli: “D’nt līv m,” ẃć cōzd an eldrli jntlmn, in a cortsūt, n a ćen rnd him, n tū lediz, t brst ǎt lafñ. Ɖr wz an imns crǎd in ɖ supŗūm, n, mî starz! it wz a splendid supr – eni amǎnt v śampen.

Cári md a most harti supr, fr ẃć I wz plizd; fr I smtmz ʈnc ś z nt stroñ. Ɖr wz scersli a diś ś dd nt test. I wz so ʈrsti, I cd nt īt mć. Rsivñ a śarp slap on ɖ śoldr, I trnd, n, t mî amezmnt, sw Farṃsn, ǎr aynmungr. H sd, in ɖ most fmiłr we: “Ɖs z betr ɖn Bricfīld Teris, ê?” I simpli lct at him, n sd cūli: “I nvr xpctd t si y hir.” H sd, wɖ a lǎd, cōrs laf: “I lîc ɖt – f y, ẃ nt m?” I rplaid: “Srtnli,” I wś I cd hv ʈt v smʈñ betr t se. H sd: “Cn I gt yr gd ledi enʈñ?” Cári sd: “No, I ʈanc y,” fr ẃć I wz plizd. I sd, bî we v rprūf t him: “Y nvr snt tde t pent ɖ baʈ, az I rqstd.” Farṃsn sd: “Pardn m, Mr Pūtr, no śop ẃn w’r in cumṗni, plīz.”

Bfr I cd ʈnc v a rplî, wn v ɖ śerifs, in fl Cort costym, slapt Farṃsn on ɖ bac n hêld him az an old frend, n asct him t dîn wɖ him at hiz loj. I wz astoniśt. Fr fl fîv minits ɖe std rorñ wɖ laftr, n std digñ ć uɖr in ɖ ribz. Ɖe cept telñ ć uɖr ɖe dd’nt lc a de oldr.

Ɖe bgan imbresñ ć uɖr n drincñ śampen.

T ʈnc ɖt a man hu mndz ǎr screpr śd nǒ eni membr v ǎr aṛstocṛsi! I wz jst muvñ wɖ Cári, ẃn Farṃsn sizd m rɖr rufli bî ɖ colr, n adresñ ɖ śerif, sd: “Let m intṛdys mî nebr, Pūtr.” H dd nt īvn se “Mistr.” Ɖ śerif handd m a glas v śampen. I flt, aftr ol, it wz a gret onr t drinc a glas v wîn wɖ him, n I tld him so. W std ćatñ fr sm tîm, n at last I sd: “Y mst xkz m nǎ f I jôn Msz Pūtr.” Ẃn I aproćt hr, ś sd: “D’nt let m tec y awe fṛm frendz. I am qt hapi standñ hir alon in a crǎd, nwñ nbdi!”

Az it tecs tū t mc a qoṛl, n az it wz nɖr ɖ tîm nr ɖ ples fr it, I gev mî arm t Cári, n sd: “I hop mî darlñ litl wîf wl dans wɖ m, f onli fr ɖ sec v seyñ w hd danst at ɖ Manśnhǎs az gests v ɖ Lord Mẹr.” Fîndñ ɖ dansñ aftr supr wz les forml, n nwñ hǎ mć Cári yst t admîr mî dansñ in ɖ dez gn bî, I pt mî arm rnd hr weist n w cmnst a wōlts.

A most unforćṇt axidnt ocŕd. I hd got on a ny per v būts. Fūliśli, I hd omitd t tec Cári’z advîs; nemli, t scrać ɖ sǒlz v ɖm wɖ ɖ pônts v ɖ sizrz or t pt a litl wet on ɖm. I hd scersli startd ẃn, lîc lîtnñ, mî left ft slipt awe n I cem dǎn, ɖ sîd v mî hed strîcñ ɖ flor wɖ sć vayḷns ɖt fr a secnd or tū I dd nt nǒ ẃt hd hapnd. I nīd hardli se ɖt Cári fél wɖ m wɖ īql vayḷns, brecñ ɖ com in hr her n grezñ hr elbo.

Ɖr wz a ror v laftr, ẃć wz imīɉtli ćect ẃn ppl faund ɖt w hd riyli hrt ǎrslvz. A jntlmn asistd Cári t a sīt, n I xprest mslf priti stroñli on ɖ denjr v hvñ a plen poliśt flor wɖ no carpit or drugit t privnt ppl slipñ. Ɖ jntlmn, hu sd hiz nem wz Darwits, insistd on iscortñ Cári t hv a glas v wîn, an invteśn ẃć I wz plizd t alǎ Cári t axpt.

I foloud, n met Farṃsn, hu imīɉtli sd, in hiz lǎd vôs “Ǒ, r y ɖ wn hu wnt dǎn?”

I ansrd wɖ an indignnt lc.

Wɖ xicṛbl test, h sd: “Lc hir, old man, w r tù old fr ɖs gem. W mst līv ɖz ceprz t ɖ yuñstrz. Cm n hv anɖr glas, ɖt z mor in ǎr lîn.”

Olɖo I flt I wz bayñ hiz sîḷns bî axptñ, w foloud ɖ uɖrz intu ɖ supŗūm.

Nɖr Cári nr I, aftr ǎr unforćṇt mishap, flt inclînd t ste longr. Az w wr dpartñ, Farṃsn sd: “R y gwñ? f so, y mt gv m a lift.”

I ʈt it betr t cnsnt, bt wś I hd frst cnsultd Cári.

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In ɖ īvnñ I flt vri mć wrs agn n sd t hr: “I d b’liv I’v bn pôznd bî ɖ lobstr meynez at ɖ Manśnhǎs last nît;” ś simpli rplaid, wɖt tecñ hr îz fṛm hr sowñ: “Śampen nvr dd agri wɖ y.” I flt iṛtetd, n sd: “Ẃt nonsns y tōc; I onli hd a glas n a haf, n y nǒ az wel az I d – ” Bfr I cd cmplit ɖ sntns ś bǎnst ǎt v ɖ rūm. I sat ovr an aur wêtñ fr hr t rtrn; bt az ś dd nt, I dtrmind I wd g t bed. I dscuvrd Cári hd gn t bed wɖt īvn seyñ “gdnît”; līvñ m t bar ɖ scuḷridor n fīd ɖ cat. I śl srtnli spīc t hr abt ɖs in ɖ mornñ.

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Cári hd cmnst hr brecfst ẃn I entrd ɖ parlr. I hlpt mslf t a cup v ti, n I sd, prf̣cli cāmli n qaytli: “Cári, I wś a litl xpḷneśn v yr conduct last nît.”Ś rplaid, “Indd! n I dzîr smʈñ mor ɖn a litl xpḷneśn v yr conduct ɖ nît bfr.”

I sd, cūli: “Riyli, I d’nt unḍstand y.”

Cári sd snirñli: “Probbli nt; y wr scersli in a cndiśn t unḍstand enʈñ.”

I wz astǎndd at ɖs insińueśn n simpli ijakletd: “Caṛlîn!”

Ś sd: “D’nt b ʈiatricl, it hz no ifct on m. Rzrv ɖt ton fr yr ny frend, Mistr Farṃsn, ɖ aynmungr.”

I wz abt t spīc, ẃn Cári, in a tmpr sć az I hv nvr sìn hr in bfr, tld m t hold mî tuñ. Ś sd: “Nǎ I’m gwñ t se smʈñ! Aftr pṛfesñ t snub Mr Farṃsn, y pmit him t snub y, in mî prezns, n ɖen axpt hiz invteśn t tec a glas v śampen wɖ y, n y d’nt limit yrslf t wn glas. Y ɖen ofr ɖs vulgr man, hu md a bungl v rperñ ǎr screpr, a sīt in ǎr cab on ɖ we hom. I se nʈñ abt hiz tẹrñ mî dres in gtñ in ɖ cab, nr v trédñ on Msz Jemz’z xpnsiv fan, ẃć y noct ǎt v mî hand, n fr ẃć h nvr īvn apoḷjîzd; bt y smoct ol ɖ we hom wɖt hvñ ɖ dīsnsi t asc mî pmiśn. Ɖt z nt ol! At ɖ end v ɖ jrni, olɖo h dd nt ofr y a farɖñ twdz hiz śer v ɖ cab, y asct him in. Forćṇtli, h wz sobr inuf t dtct, fṛm mî manr, ɖt hiz cumṗni wz nt dzîṛbl.”

Gdnis nz I flt hymilietd inuf at ɖs; bt, t mc matrz wrs, Gowñ entrd ɖ rūm, wɖt nocñ, wɖ tū hats on hiz hed n holdñ ɖ gardnrêc in hiz hand, wɖ Cári’z fŕ tipit (ẃć h hd tecn of ɖ dǎnsterz hōlpeg) rnd hiz nec, n anǎnst himslf in a lǎd, cōrs vôs: “Hiz Royl Hînis, ɖ Lord Mẹr!” H marćt twîs rnd ɖ rūm lîc a bfūn, n fîndñ w tc no notis, sd: “Hlo! ẃt’s p? Luvrz’ qoṛl, ê?”

Ɖr wz a sîḷns fr a momnt, so I sd qaytli: “Mî dir Gowñ, I’m nt vri wel, n nt qt in ɖ hymr fr jocñ; ispeṣ́li ẃn y entr ɖ rūm wɖt nocñ, an act ẃć I fel t si ɖ fun v.”

Gowñ sd: “I’m vri sori, bt I cōld fr mî stic, ẃć I ʈt y wd hv snt rnd.” I handd him hiz stic, ẃć I rmembrd I hd pentd blac wɖ ɖ inaml pent, ʈncñ t impruv it. H lct at it fr a minit wɖ a dezd xpreśn n sd: “Hu dd ɖs?”

I sd: “Ê, dd ẃt?”

H sd: “Dd ẃt? Ẃ, dstroid mî stic! It b’loñd t mî pur uncl, n I valy it mor ɖn enʈñ I hv in ɖ wrld! I’l nǒ hu dd it.”

I sd: “I’m vri sori. I der se it wl cm of. I dd it fr ɖ bst.”

Gowñ sd: “Ɖen ol I cn se z, it’s a cnfǎndd liḅti; n I wd ad, y’r a bigr fūl ɖn y lc, onli ɖt’s abṣlutli imposbl.”

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W drouv p hom in stîl, in a hansmcab, n I noct ʈri tîmz at ɖ fruntdor wɖt gtñ an ansr. I sw Cári, ʈru ɖ panlz v graund glas (wɖ starz), ruśñ upsterz. I tld Mr Franćñ t wêt at ɖ dor ẃl I wnt rnd t ɖ sîd. Ɖr I sw ɖ grosr’z bô acć̣li picñ of ɖ pent on ɖ dor, ẃć hd formd intu blistrz. No tîm t rpruv him; so wnt rnd n ifctd an entṛns ʈru ɖ cićnwindo. I let in Mr Franćñ, n śoud him intu ɖ drw̃rūm. I wnt upsterz t Cári, hu wz ćenjñ hr dres, n tld hr I hd pswedd Mr Franćñ t cm hom. Ś rplaid: “Hǎ cn y d sć a ʈñ? Y nǒ it’s Sẹra’z hoḷde, n ɖr’z nt a ʈñ in ɖ hǎs, ɖ cold mutn hvñ trnd wɖ ɖ hot weɖr.”Ivnć̣li Cári, lîc a gd crīćr az ś z, slipt dǎn, wośt p ɖ tīcups, n leid ɖ cloʈ, n I gev Franćñ ǎr vyz v Jpan t lc at ẃl I ran rnd t ɖ bćr’z t gt ʈri ćops.

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Ɖs mornñ, fr sm un’cǎntbl rīzn, w wr tōcñ abt b’lūnz, n w wr az meri az poṣbl; bt ɖ convseśn driftd intu faṃli matrz, jrñ ẃć Cári, wɖt ɖ slîtist rīzn, rfŕd in ɖ most uncompḷmntri manr t mî pur faɖr’z pkńri trubl. I rtortd bî seyñ ɖt “Pa, at ol ivnts, wz a jntlmn,” ẃr’pn Cári brst ǎt crayñ. I poztivli cd nt īt eni brecfst.

At ɖ ofis I wz snt fr bî Mr Prcup, hu sd h wz vri sori, bt I śd hv t tec mî ańl hoḷdez fṛm nxt Saṭde. Franćñ cōld at ofis n asct m t dîn at hiz club, “Ɖ Consttyśnl.” Firñ dis’griyblz at hom aftr ɖ “tif” ɖs mornñ, I snt a teḷgram t Cári, telñ hr I wz gwñ ǎt t dîn n ś wz nt t sit p. Bòt a litl silvr bangl fr Cári.

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I sd t Cári: “I d’nt ʈnc w cn d betr ɖn ‘Gd old Brōdsterz’.” Cári nt onli, t mî astoniśmnt, rezd an objx́n t Brōdsterz, fr ɖ frst tîm; bt begd m nt t yz ɖ xpreśn, “Gd old,” bt t līv it t Mr Stilbrŭc n uɖr jntlṃn v hiz tîp. Hírñ mî ’bus pas ɖ windo, I wz oblîjd t ruś ǎt v ɖ hǎs wɖt cisñ Cári az yźl; n I śǎtd t hr: “I līv it t y t dsîd.” On rtrnñ in ɖ īvnñ, Cári sd ś ʈt az ɖ tîm wz so śort ś hd dsîdd on Brōdsterz, n hd ritn t Msz Béc, Harbr Vy Teris, fr apartmnts.

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H sd: “Ǒ, bî-ɖ-bî, dd I tel y I’v cut mî frst nem, ‘Wiłm,’ n tecn ɖ secnd nem ‘Lūpin’? In fact, I’m onli noun at Oldm az ‘Lūpin Pūtr.’ F y wr t ‘Wili’ m ɖr, ɖe wd’nt nǒ ẃt y mnt.”V cors, Lūpin biyñ a pyrli faṃli nem, Cári wz dlîtd, n bgan bî gvñ a loñ hisṭri v ɖ Lūpinz. I vnćrd t se ɖt I ʈt Wiłm a nîs simpl nem, n rmîndd him h wz crisnd aftr hiz Uncl Wiłm, hu wz mć rspctd in ɖ Siti. Wili, in a manr ẃć I dd nt mć cer fr, sd snirñli: “Ǒ, I nǒ ol abt ɖt – Gd old Bil!” n hlpt himslf t a ʈrd glas v port.

Cári objctd stroñli t mî seyñ “Gd old,” bt ś md no rmarc ẃn Wili yzd ɖ dubl ajctiv. I sd nʈñ, bt lct at hr, ẃć mnt mor. I sd: “Mî dir Wili, I hop y r hapi wɖ yr colīgz at ɖ Banc.” H rplaid: “Lūpin, f y plīz; n wɖ rspct t ɖ Banc, ɖr’z nt a clarc hu z a jntlmn, n ɖ ‘bos’ z a cad.” I flt so śoct, I cd se nʈñ, n mî instñt tld m ɖr wz smʈñ roñ.

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Lūpin nt hvñ cm dǎn, I wnt p agn at haf-past wn, n sd w dînd at tū; h sd h “wd b ɖr.” H nvr cem dǎn tl a qortr t ʈri. I sd: “W hv nt sìn mć v y, n y wl hv t rtrn bî ɖ 5.30 tren; ɖrfr y wl hv t līv in an aur, unls y g bî ɖ midnît meil.” H sd: “Lc hir, Guvnr, it’s no ys bìtñ abt ɖ bś. I’v tndrd mî reẓgneśn at ɖ Banc.”Fr a momnt I cd nt spīc. Ẃn mî spīć cem agn, I sd: “Hǎ der y, sr? Hǎ der y tec sć a sirịs step wɖt cnsultñ m? D’nt ansr m, sr! – y wl sit dǎn imīɉtli, n rait a not at mî dicteśn, wɖdrw̃ yr reẓgneśn n ampli apoḷjîzñ fr yr ʈtlisnis.”

Imajin mî dsme ẃn h rplaid wɖ a lǎd gfw: “It’s no ys. F y wont ɖ gd old truʈ, I’v got ɖ ćuc!”

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I intṛdyst Lūpin, seyñ: “Y wl b plizd t fînd w hv ǎr dir bô at hom!” Gowñ sd: “Hǎ’z ɖt? Y d’nt mīn t se h’z left ɖ Banc?”I ćenjd ɖ subjict qcli, n ɖrbî avôdd eni v ɖoz ōcẉd qsćnz ẃć Gowñ olwz hz a nac v ascñ.

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Aftr sm spīśīz v ranġlñ, I sat on Gowñ’z niz n Cári sat on ɖ éj v mîn. Lūpin sat on ɖ éj v Cári’z lap, ɖen Cumñz on Lūpin’z, n Msz Cumñz on hr huzbnd’z. W lct vri r’dikḷs, n laft a gd dīl.

Gowñ ɖen sd: “R y a b’livr in ɖ Gret Mǒgl?” W hd t ansr ol tgɖr: “Yes – ǒ, yes!” (ʈri tîmz). Gowñ sd: “So am I,” n sudnli got p. Ɖ rzult v ɖs stypid joc wz ɖt w ol fél on ɖ grǎnd, n pur Cári bañd hr hed agnst ɖ cornr v ɖ fndr. Msz Cumñz pt sm viṇgr on; bt ʈru ɖs w míst ɖ last tren, n hd t drîv bac t Brōdsterz, ẃć cost m sevn-n-sixpns.

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An īvnñ or tū ago I hd pt on a ẃît weistcot fr cūlnis, n ẃl wōcñ past wɖ mî ʈumz in mî weistcot pocits (a habit I hv), wn man, sītd in ɖ cart, n lcñ lîc an Americn, cmnst sññ sm vulgr nonsns abt “I hd ʈrtīn dolrz in mî weistcot pocit.” I fansid it wz mnt fr m, n mî sspiśnz wr cnfrmd; fr ẃl wōcñ rnd ɖ gardn in mî tōl hat ɖs afṭnun, a “ʈro-dǎn” cracr wz dlibṛtli emd at mî hat, n xplodd on it lîc a pcuśncap. I trnd śarpli, n am poẓtiv I sw ɖ man hu wz in ɖ cart rtritñ fṛm wn v ɖ bedrūm windoz.

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Cári priperd a litl xtmṗrîzd supr, cnsistñ v ɖ rmendr v ɖ cold jônt, a smōl pìs v samn (ẃć I wz t rfyz, in ces ɖr wz nt inuf t g rnd), n a bḷmonź n custdz. Ɖr wz olso a dcantr v port n sm jam pufs on ɖ sîdbōrd. Msz Jemz md s ple rɖr a gd gem v cardz, cōld “Mugñz.” T mî s’prîz, in fact dsgust, Lūpin got p in ɖ midl, n, in a most sarcastic ton, sd: “Pardn m, ɖs sort v ʈñ z tù fast fr m, I śl g n injô a qayt gem v marblz in ɖ bacgardn.”Ʈñz mt hv bcm rɖr dis’griybl bt fr Gowñ (hu sīmz t hv tecn t Lūpin) sjstñ ɖe śd invnt gemz. Lūpin sd: “Let’s ple ‘munciz’.” H ɖen léd Gowñ ol rnd ɖ rūm, n bròt him in frunt v ɖ lcñglas. I mst cnfes I laft harṭli at ɖs. I wz a litl vxt at evrbdi subsiqntli lafñ at sm joc ẃć ɖe dd nt xplen, n it wz onli on gwñ t bed I dscuvrd I mst hv bn wōcñ abt ol ɖ īvnñ wɖ an antiṃcasr on wn butn v mî coțeilz.

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I asct Cári f ś ń enʈñ abt it. Ś rplaid it wz mî ǒn fōlt fr līvñ ɖ dayri abt wɖ a ćarwmn clīnñ n ɖ swīps in ɖ hǎs. I sd ɖt wz nt an ansr t mî qsćn. Ɖs rtort v mîn, ẃć I ʈt xtrimli smart, wd hv bn mor ifctiv hd I nt jogd mî elbo agnst a vāz on a tebl tmprṛli plest in ɖ pasij, noct it ovr, n smaśt it.Cári wz dredf̣li upset at ɖs dzastr, fr it wz wn v a per v vāzz ẃć canot b maćt, gvn t s on ǎr wedñde bî Msz Brtsét, an old frend v Cári’z cuznz, ɖ Poṃtnz, lêt v Dōlstn. I cōld t Sẹra, n asct hr abt ɖ dayri. Ś sd ś hd nt bn in ɖ sitñrūm at ol; aftr ɖ swīp hd left, Msz Biṛl (ɖ ćarwmn) hd clīnd ɖ rūm n lîtd ɖ fîr hrslf. Fîndñ a brnt pìs v pepr in ɖ greit, I xamind it, n faund it wz a pìs v mî dayri. So it wz evidnt smwn hd torn mî dayri t lît ɖ fîr. I rqstd Msz Biṛl t b snt t m tmoro.

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I sd I wz dtrmind t fînd ǎt hu dd it, ẃr’pn ś sd ś wd d hr bst t hlp m; bt ś rmembrd ɖ swīp lîtñ ɖ fîr wɖ a bit v ɖ Eco. I rqstd ɖ swīp t b snt t m tmoro. I wś Cári hd nt gvn Lūpin a laćci; w nvr sīm t si enʈñ v him. I sat p tl past wn fr him, n ɖen rtîrd tîrd.

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H sd h hd last nît bn ilectd a membr v an Aṃćr Dṛmatic Club, cōld ɖ “Hoḷwe Cmīdịnz”; n, ɖo it wz a pleznt īvnñ, h hd sat in a dráft, n got ńralja in ɖ hed. H dclînd t hv eni brecfst, so I left him. In ɖ īvnñ I hd p a speśl botl v port, n, Lūpin biyñ in fr a wundr, w fild ǎr glasz, n I sd: “Lūpin mî bô, I hv sm gd n unixpctd nyz fr y. Mr Prcup hz pṛkrd y an apôntmnt!” Lūpin sd: “Gd biz!” n w drend ǎr glasz.

Lūpin ɖen sd: “Fil p ɖ glasz agn, fr I hv sm gd n unixpctd nyz fr y.”

I hd sm slît msgvñz, n so evidntli hd Cári, fr ś sd: “I hop w śl ʈnc it gd nyz.”

Lūpin sd: “Ǒ, it’s ol rît! I’m ingejd t b marid!”

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Lūpin frɖr sd, wɖ mć wormʈ, ɖt ɖ wrld wz a difṛnt wrld t him nǎ, – it wz a wrld wrʈ livñ in. H livd wɖ an objict nǎ, n ɖt wz t mc Deizi Mutlr – Deizi Pūtr, n h wd gaṛnti ś wd nt dsgres ɖ faṃli v ɖ Pūtrz. Cári hir brst ǎt crayñ, n ʈrù hr armz rnd hiz nec, n in dwñ so, upset ɖ glas v port h hld in hiz hand ol ovr hiz ny lît trǎzrz.

I sd I hd no dǎt w śd lîc Mis Mutlr ẃn w sw hr, bt Cári sd ś luvd hr olrdi. I ʈt ɖs rɖr preṃtyr, bt hld mî tuñ. Deizi Mutlr wz ɖ sol topic v convseśn fr ɖ rmendr v ɖ de. I asct Lūpin hu hr ppl wr, n h rplaid: “Ǒ, y nǒ Mutlr, Wiłmz & Wots.” I dd nt nǒ, bt rfrend fṛm ascñ eni frɖr qsćnz at preznt, fr fir v iṛtetñ Lūpin.

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In ɖ īvnñ w wnt rnd t ɖ Cumñz’, t hv a fy fîrwrcs. It bgan t ren, n I ʈt it rɖr dul. Wn v mî sqibz wd nt g of, n Gowñ sd: “Hit it on yr būt, bô; it wl g of ɖen.” I gev it a fy nocs on ɖ end v mî būt, n it wnt of wɖ wn lǎd xploźn, n brnt mî fngrz rɖr badli. I gev ɖ rest v ɖ sqibz t ɖ litl Cumñz’ bô t let of.

Anɖr unforćṇt ʈñ hapnd, ẃć bròt a hīp v abys on mî hed. Cumñz fasnd a larj ẃīl-setpìs on a stec in ɖ grǎnd bî we v a grand fināle. H md a gret fus abt it; sd it cost sevn śilñz. Ɖr wz a litl dificlti in gtñ it alît. At last it wnt of; bt aftr a cupl v slo reṿluśnz it stopt. I hd mî stic wɖ m, so I gev it a tap t snd it rnd, n, unforćṇtli, it fél of ɖ stec on t ɖ gras. Enbdi wd hv ʈt I hd set ɖ hǎs on fîr fṛm ɖ we in ẃć ɖe stormd at m. I wl nvr jôn in eni mor fîrwrc-partiz. It z a r’dikḷs west v tîm n muni.

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At supr, yuñ Mutlr dd sevṛl aḿzñ ʈñz. H tc p a nîf, n wɖ ɖ flat part v it pleid a tyn on hiz ćīc in a wundrfl manr. H olso gev an iṃteśn v an old man wɖ no tīʈ, smocñ a big sgar. Ɖ we h cept dropñ ɖ sgar snt Cári intu fits.

In ɖ cors v convseśn, Deizi’z nem cropt p, n yuñ Mutlr sd h wd brñ hiz sistr rnd t s wn īvnñ – hiz peṛnts biyñ rɖr old-faśnd, n nt gwñ ǎt mć. Cári sd w wd gt p a litl speśl parti. Az yuñ Mutlr śoud no incḷneśn t g, n it wz aproćñ ilevn o’cloc, az a hint I rmîndd Lūpin ɖt h hd t b p rli tmoro. Instd v tecñ ɖ hint, Mutlr bgan a siriz v comic iṃteśnz. H wnt on fr an aur wɖt sseśn. Pur Cári cd scersli cīp hr îz opn. At last ś md an xks, n sd “Gdnît.”

Mutlr ɖen left, n I hŕd him n Lūpin ẃisṗrñ in ɖ hōl smʈñ abt ɖ “Hoḷwe Cmīdịnz,” n t mî dsgust, olɖo it wz past midnît, Lūpin pt on hiz hat n cot, n wnt ǎt wɖ hiz ny cmpańn.

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I aṣtend ɖt ɖ cōz v ɖ rǎ wz, ɖt Sẹra hd akzd Msz Biṛl v tẹrñ ɖ pejz ǎt v mî dayri t ráp p sm cićnfat n līvñz ẃć ś hd tecn ǎt v ɖ hǎs last wīc. Msz Biṛl hd slapt Sẹra’z fes, n sd ś hd tecn nʈñ ǎt v ɖ ples, az ɖr wz “nvr no līvñz t tec.” I ordrd Sẹra bac t hr wrc, n rqstd Msz Biṛl t g hom. Ẃn I entrd ɖ parlr Lūpin wz cicñ hiz legz in ɖ er, n rorñ wɖ laftr.

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Gowñ cōld t nǒ f h wz t pt on “swoloteilz” tmoro. Cári sd h hd betr dres, ispeṣ́li az Mr Franćñ wz cmñ, n ɖr wz a posbiḷti v Mr Prcup olso ptñ in an apiṛns.

Gowñ sd: “Ǒ, I onli wontd t nǒ, fr I hv nt wòrn mî drescot fr sm tîm, n I mst snd it t hv ɖ crīsz prest ǎt.”

Aftr Gowñ left, Lūpin cem in, n in hiz añzayti t plīz Deizi Mutlr, carpt at n criṭsîzd ɖ arenjmnts, n, in fact, dis’pruvd v evrʈñ, includñ ǎr hvñ asct ǎr old frend Cumñz, hu, h sd, wd lc in īvnñdres lîc a grīngrosr ingejd t wêt, n hu mst nt b s’prîzd f Deizi tc him fr wn.

I ferli lost mî tmpr, n sd: “Lūpin, alǎ m t tel y Mis Deizi Mutlr z nt ɖ Qīn v Ñgḷnd. I gev y credit fr mor wizdm ɖn t alǎ yrslf t b invegld intu an ingejmnt wɖ a wmn cnsidṛbli oldr ɖn yrslf. I advîz y t ʈnc v rnñ yr livñ bfr intanglñ yrslf wɖ a wîf hūm y wl hv t s’port, n, in ol probbiḷti, hr bruɖr olso, hu apird t b nʈñ bt a loufr.”

Instd v rsivñ ɖs advîs in a snṣbl manr, Lūpin jumt p n sd: “F y insult ɖ ledi I am ingejd t, y insult m. I wl līv ɖ hǎs n nvr darcn yr dorz agn.”

H wnt ǎt v ɖ hǎs, slamñ ɖ hōldor. Bt it wz olrît. H cem bac t supr, n w pleid Bzīc tl nirli twelv o’cloc.

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I drest rli in ces ppl śd arîv puñć̣li at et o’cloc, n wz mć vxt t fînd mî ny drestrǎzrz mć tù śort.

Lūpin, hu z gtñ bynd hiz pziśn, faund fōlt wɖ mî wẹrñ ordnri būts instd v dresbūts.

I rplaid s’tiricli: “Mî dir sun, I hv livd t b abv ɖt sort v ʈñ.”

Lūpin brst ǎt lafñ, n sd: “A man jenṛli wz abv hiz būts.”

Ɖs me b funi, or it me nt; bt I wz graṭfaid t fînd h hd nt dscuvrd ɖ coṛl hd cm of wn v mî studz. Cári lct a picćr, wẹrñ ɖ dres ś wòr at ɖ Manśnhǎs. Ɖ arenjmnt v ɖ drw̃rūm wz xḷnt. Cári hd huñ muzlin crtnz ovr ɖ foldñdorz, n olso ovr wn v ɖ entṛnsz, fr w hd rmuvd ɖ dor fṛm its hinjz.

Mr Pītrz, ɖ wêtr, arîvd in gd tîm, n I gev him strict ordrz nt t opn anɖr botl v śampen untl ɖ prīvịs wn wz emti. Cári arenjd fr sm śeri n portwîn t b plest on ɖ drw̃rūm sîdbōrd, wɖ sm glasz. Bî-ɖ-bî, ǎr ny inlarjd n tintd foṭgrafs lc vri nîs on ɖ wōlz, ispeṣ́li az Cári hz arenjd sm Liḅti silc boz on ɖ for cornrz v ɖm.

Ɖ frst arîvl wz Gowñ, hu, wɖ hiz yźl test, grītd m wɖ: “Hlo, Pūtr, ẃ yr trǎzrz r tù śort!”

I simpli sd: “Vri lîcli, n y wl fînd mî tmpr ‘śort’ olso.”

H sd: “Ɖt w’nt mc yr trǎzrz longr, Juginz. Y śd gt yr mis t pt a flǎns on ɖm.”

I wundr I west mî tîm enṭrñ hiz insultñ obẓveśnz in mî dayri.

Ɖ nxt arîvlz wr Mr n Msz Cumñz. Ɖ formr sd: “Az y dd’nt se enʈñ abt dres, I hv cm ‘haf dres.’” H hd on a blac froc̦ot n ẃît tî. Ɖ Jemz’, Mr Mrtn, n Mr Stilbrŭc arîvd, bt Lūpin wz restlis n unbeṛbl tl hiz Deizi Mutlr n Franc arîvd.

Cári n I wr rɖr startld at Deizi’z apiṛns. Ś hd a brît-crimzn dres on, cut vri lo in ɖ nec. I d nt ʈnc sć a stîl modist. Ś òt t hv tecn a lésn fṛm Cári, n cuvrd hr śoldrz wɖ a litl lês. Mr Naclz, Mr Sprîs-Hóg n hiz for dōtrz cem; so dd Franćñ, n wn or tū v Lūpin’z ny frendz, membrz v ɖ “Hoḷwe Cmīdịnz.” Sm v ɖz sīmd rɖr ʈiatricl in ɖer manr, ispeṣ́li wn, hu wz pozñ ol ɖ īvnñ, n lent on ǎr litl rnd tebl n cract it. Lūpin cōld him “ǎr Õri,” n sd h wz “ǎr līd at ɖ H.C.’z,” n wz qt az gd in ɖt dpartmnt az Hari Mutlr wz az ɖ lo-coṃdi mrćnt. Ol ɖs z Grīc t m.

W hd sm ḿzic, n Lūpin, hu nvr left Deizi’z sîd fr a momnt, revd ovr hr sññ v a soñ, cōld “Sm De.” It sīmd a priti soñ, bt ś md sć griṃsz, n sañ, t mî mînd, so ǎt v tyn, I wd nt hv asct hr t sñ agn; bt Lūpin md hr sñ for soñz rît of, wn aftr ɖ uɖr.

At ten o’cloc w wnt dǎn t supr, n fṛm ɖ we Gowñ n Cumñz ét y wd hv ʈt ɖe hd nt hd a mīl fr a munʈ. I tld Cári t cīp smʈñ bac in ces Mr Prcup śd cm bî mir ćans. Gowñ anoid m vri mć bî filñ a larj tumblr v śampen, n drincñ it stret of. H rpitd ɖs ax́n, n md m fir ǎr haf-duzn v śampen wd nt last ǎt. I traid t cīp a botl bac, bt Lūpin got hold v it, n tc it t ɖ sîdtebl wɖ Deizi n Franc Mutlr.

W wnt upsterz, n ɖ yuñ feloz bgan scîlarcñ. Cári pt a stop t ɖt at wns. Stilbrŭc aḿzd s wɖ a soñ, “Ẃt hv y dn wɖ yr Cuzn Jon?” I dd nt notis ɖt Lūpin n Franc hd dis’pird. I asct Mr Wotsn, wn v ɖ Hoḷwez, ẃr ɖe wr, n h sd: “It’s a ces v ‘Ǒ, ẃt a s’prîz!’”

W wr d’rectd t form a srcl – ẃć w dd. Wotsn ɖen sd: “I hv mć pleźr in intṛdysñ ɖ seḷbretd Blondin Donci.” Franc n Lūpin ɖen bǎndd intu ɖ rūm. Lūpin hd ẃîtnd hiz fes lîc a clǎn, n Franc hd taid rnd hiz weist a larj harʈrug. H wz s’pozd t b ɖ donci, n h lct it. Ɖe induljd in a vri nôzi panṭmîm, n w wr ol śrīcñ wɖ laftr.

I trnd rnd sudnli, n ɖen I sw Mr Prcup standñ hafwe in ɖ dor, h hvñ arîvd wɖt ǎr nwñ it. I becnd t Cári, n w wnt p t him at wns. H wd nt cm rît intu ɖ rūm. I apoḷjîzd fr ɖ fūḷri, bt Mr Prcup sd: “Ǒ, it sīmz aḿzñ.” I cd si h wz nt a bit aḿzd.

Cári n I tc him dǎnsterz, bt ɖ tebl wz a rec. Ɖr wz nt a glas v śampen left – nt īvn a sanwij. Mr Prcup sd h rqîrd nʈñ, bt wd lîc a glas v sltsr or soḍwōtr. Ɖ last sîfn wz emti. Cári sd: “W hv plenti v portwîn left.” Mr Prcup sd, wɖ a smîl: “No, ʈanc y. I riyli rqîr nʈñ, bt I am most plizd t si y n yr huzbnd in yr ǒn hom. Gdnît, Msz Pūtr – y wl xkz mî vri śort ste, I nǒ.” I wnt wɖ him t hiz carij, n h sd: “D’nt trubl t cm t ɖ ofis tl twelv tmoro.”

I flt dspondnt az I wnt bac t ɖ hǎs, n I tld Cári I ʈt ɖ parti wz a fełr. Cári sd it wz a gret s’xes, n I wz onli tîrd, n insistd on mî hvñ sm port mslf. I dranc tū glasz, n flt mć betr, n w wnt intu ɖ drw̃rūm, ẃr ɖe hd cmnst dansñ. Cári n I hd a litl dans, ẃć I sd rmîndd m v old dez. Ś sd I wz a spūni old ʈñ.

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Cári anoid m bî seyñ: “Y nǒ śampen nvr agriz wɖ y.” I tld hr I hd onli a cupl v glasz v it, hvñ cept mslf intîrli t port. I add ɖt gd śampen hrt nbdi, n Lūpin tld m h hd onli got it fṛm a travlr az a fevr, az ɖt ptiklr brand hd bn intîrli bòt p bî a Wst-End club.

I ʈnc I ét tù harṭli v ɖ “sîḑiśz,” az ɖ wêtr cōld ɖm. I sd t Cári: “I wś I hd pt ɖoz ‘sîḑiśz’ asd.” I rpitd ɖs, bt Cári wz bizi, pacñ p ɖ tīspūnz w hd boroud v Msz Cumñz fr ɖ parti. It wz jst haf-past ilevn, n I wz startñ fr ɖ ofis, ẃn Lūpin apird, wɖ a yelo cmplex́n, n sd: “Hlo! Guv., ẃt prîst hed hv y ɖs mornñ?” I tld him h mt jst az wel spīc t m in Duć. H add: “Ẃn I wouc ɖs mornñ, mî hed wz az big az Bōldwin’z b’lūn.” On ɖ spr v ɖ momnt I sd ɖ cleṿrist ʈñ I ʈnc I hv evr sd; viz.: “Phps ɖt acǎnts fr ɖ paṛśūtñ penz.” W rord.

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I tld Sẹra nt t brñ p ɖ bḷmōź agn fr brecfst. It sīmz t hv bn plest on ǎr tebl at evri mīl sins Wenzde. Cumñz cem rnd in ɖ īvnñ, n cngrać̣letd s on ɖ s’xes v ǎr parti. H sd it wz ɖ bst parti h hd bn t fr mni a yir; bt h wśt w hd let him nǒ it wz fl dres, az h wd hv trnd p in hiz swoloteilz. W sat dǎn t a qayt gem v doṃnoz, n wr inṭruptd bî ɖ nôzi entṛns v Lūpin n Franc Mutlr. Cumñz n I asct ɖm t jôn s. Lūpin sd h dd nt cer fr doṃnoz, n sjstd a gem v “Spūf.” On mî ascñ f it rqîrd cǎntrz, Franc n Lūpin in meźrd tîm sd: “Wn, tū, ʈri; g! Hv y an istet in Grīnḷnd?” It wz simpli Grīc t m, bt it apirz it z wn v ɖ custmz v ɖ “Hoḷwe Cmīdịnz” t d ɖs ẃn a membr dsplez ignṛns.

In spît v mî instrux́nz, ɖt bḷmōź wz bròt p agn fr supr. T mc matrz wrs, ɖr hd bn an atmt t dsgîz it, bî plesñ it in a glas diś wɖ jam rnd it. Cári asct Lūpin f h wd hv sm, n h rplaid: “No secnd-hand gdz fr m, ʈanc y.” I tld Cári, ẃn w wr alon, f ɖt bḷmōź wr plest on ɖ tebl agn I śd wōc ǎt v ɖ hǎs.

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Cári n I tōct ɖ matr ovr jrñ ɖ īvnñ, n agrìd ɖt it dd nt olwz folo ɖt an rli ingejmnt mnt an unhapi marij. Dir Cári rmîndd m ɖt w marid rli, n, wɖ ɖ xpśn v a fy trivịl misunḍstandñz, w hd nvr hd a riyli sirịs wrd. I cd nt hlp ʈncñ (az I tld hr) ɖt haf ɖ pleźrz v lîf wr d’rîvd fṛm ɖ litl struglz n smōl priveśnz ɖt wn hd t indyr at ɖ bginñ v wn’z marid lîf. Sć struglz wr jenṛli oceźnd bî wont v mīnz, n ofn hlpt t mc luvñ cuplz stand tgɖr ol ɖ frmr.

Cári sd I hd xprest mslf wundrf̣li wel, n ɖt I wz qt a f’loṣfr.

W r ol ven at tîmz, n I mst cnfes I flt flatrd bî Cári’z litl complimnt. I d’nt pritnd t b ebl t xpres mslf in fîn lanḡj, bt I fīl I hv ɖ pǎr v xpresñ mî ʈts wɖ simpliṣti n lūsidnis. Abt nîn o’cloc, t ǎr s’prîz, Lūpin entrd, wɖ a wîld, reclis lc, n in a holo vôs, ẃć I mst se sīmd rɖr ʈiatricl, sd: “Hv y eni brandi?” I sd: “No; bt hir z sm ẃisci.” Lūpin dranc of nirli a wînglasfl wɖt wōtr, t mî horr.

W ol ʈri sat rīdñ in sîḷns tl ten, ẃn Cári n I rouz t g t bed. Cári sd t Lūpin: “I hop Deizi z wel?”

Lūpin, wɖ a forst cerlis er ɖt h mst hv pict p fṛm ɖ “Hoḷwe Cmīdịnz,” rplaid: “Ǒ, Deizi? Y mīn Mis Mutlr. I d’nt nǒ ẃɖr ś z wel or nt, bt plīz nvr t mnśn hr nem agn in mî prezns.”

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H bgan dwñ ɖ Ŕvñ biznis ol ʈru supr. H sanc so lo dǎn in hiz ćer ɖt hiz ćin wz olmst on a levl wɖ ɖ tebl, n twîs h cict Cári undr ɖ tebl, upset hiz wîn, n flaśt a nîf uncumftbli nir Gowñ’z fes. Aftr supr h cept strećñ ǎt hiz legz on ɖ fndr, induljñ in scraps v qteśnz fṛm plez ẃć wr Grīc t m, n mor ɖn wns noct ovr ɖ fîr-aynz, mcñ a hidịs rǎ – pur Cári olrdi hvñ a bad hed-ec.

Ẃn h wnt, h sd, t ǎr s’prîz: “I wl cm tmoro n brñ mî Ŕvñ mc-p.” Gowñ n Cumñz sd ɖe wd lîc t si it n wd cm tù. I cd nt hlp ʈncñ ɖe mt az wel gv a parti at mî hǎs ẃl ɖe r abt it. Hvr, az Cári snṣbli sd: “D enʈñ, dir, t mc Lūpin fget ɖ Deizi Mutlr biznis.”

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I mst se w wr ol astǎndd. I nvr sw sć a rzmbḷns. It wz astoṇśñ. Ɖ onli prsn hu dd nt apir inṭrestd wz ɖ man Paj, hu hd got ɖ bst armćer, n wz pufñ awe at a fǎl pîp intu ɖ fîrples. Aftr sm litl tîm I sd; “Ẃ d actrz olwz wer ɖer her so loñ?” Cári in a momnt sd, “Mr Hér dz’nt wer loñ her.” Hǎ w laft xpt Mr Fosltn, hu sd, in a rɖr patṛnîzñ cnd v we, “Ɖ joc, Msz Pūtr, z xtrimli aproprịt, f nt oltgɖr ny.” Ʈncñ ɖs rɖr a snub, I sd: “Mr Fosltn, I fansi – ” H inṭruptd m bî seyñ: “Mr Brwin-Fosltn, f y plīz,” ẃć md m qt fget ẃt I wz gwñ t se t him. Jrñ ɖ supr Mr Brwin-Fosltn agn mnoṗlîzd ɖ convseśn wɖ hiz Ŕvñ tōc, n bʈ Cári n I cem t ɖ cncluźn wn cn hv īvn tù mć iṃteśn v Ŕvñ. Aftr supr, Mr Brwin-Fosltn got a litl tù bôstṛs ovr hiz Ŕvñ iṃteśn, n sudnli sizñ Gowñ bî ɖ colr v hiz cot, dug hiz ʈumnêl, axdnṭli v cors, intu Gowñ’z nec n tc a pìs v fleś ǎt. Gowñ wz rîtli anoid, bt ɖt man Paj, hu hvñ dclînd ǎr modist supr in ordr ɖt h śd nt lūz hiz cumftbl ćer, brst intu an uncntroḷbl fit v laftr at ɖ litl mis’dvnćr. I wz so anoid at ɖ conduct v Paj, I sd: “I s’poz y wd hv laft f h hd pǒct Mr Gowñ’z î ǎt?” t ẃć Paj rplaid: “Ɖt’s rît,” n laft mor ɖn evr. I ʈnc phps ɖ gretist s’prîz wz ẃn w brouc p, fr Mr Brwin-Fosltn sd: “Gdnît, Mr Pūtr. I’m glad y lîc ɖ iṃteśn, I’l brñ ɖ uɖr mc-up tmoro nît.”

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Dir old Cumñz cem in ɖ īvnñ; bt Gowñ snt rnd a litl not seyñ h hopt I wd xkz hiz nt trnñ p, ẃć rɖr aḿzd m. H add ɖt hiz nec wz stl penfl. V cors, Brwin-Fosltn cem, bt Lūpin nvr trnd p, n imajin mî utr dsgust ẃn ɖt man Paj acć̣li cem agn, n nt īvn acumṗnid bî Gowñ. I wz xasṗretd, n sd: “Mr Paj, ɖs z a s’prîz.” Dir Cári, firñ unplezntnis, sd: “Ǒ! I s’poz Mr Paj hz onli cm t si ɖ uɖr Ŕvñ mc-up.” Mr Paj sd: “Ɖt’s rît,” n tc ɖ bst ćer agn, fṛm ẃć h nvr muvd ɖ hol īvnñ.

Mî onli conṣleśn z, h tecs no supr, so h z nt an xpnsiv gest, bt I śl spīc t Gowñ abt ɖ matr. Ɖ Ŕvñ iṃteśnz n convseśnz okpaid ɖ hol īvnñ, tl I wz sic v it. Wns w hd a rɖr hītd dscuśn, ẃć wz cmnst bî Cumñz seyñ ɖt it apird t him ɖt Mr Brwin-Fosltn wz nt onli lîc Mr Ŕvñ, bt wz in hiz jujmnt evri we az gd or īvn betr. I vnćrd t rmarc ɖt aftr ol it wz bt an iṃteśn v an orijinl.

Cumñz sd śrli sm iṃteśnz wr betr ɖn ɖ orijinlz. I md ẃt I cnsidrd a vri clevr rmarc: “Wɖt an orijinl ɖr cn b no iṃteśn.” Mr Brwin-Fosltn sd qt imprtinntli: “D’nt dscus m in mî prezns, f y plīz; n, Mr Pūtr, I śd advîz y t tōc abt ẃt y unḍstand;” t ẃć ɖt cad Paj rplaid: “Ɖt’s rît.” Dir Cári sevd ɖ hol ʈñ bî sudnli seyñ: “I’l b Eḷn Teri.” Dir Cári’z iṃteśn wz’nt a bit lîct, bt ś wz so spnteńs n so funi ɖt ɖ dis’griybl dscuśn pást of. Ẃn ɖe left, I vri pôntidli sd t Mr Brwin-Fosltn n Mr Paj ɖt w śd b ingejd tmoro īvnñ.

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On rtrnñ hom at ɖ yźl aur on Saṭde afṭnun I met nir ɖ Arćwe Deizi Mutlr. Mî hart gev a līp. I baud rɖr stifli, bt ś afctd nt t hv sìn m. Vri mć anoid in ɖ īvnñ bî ɖ lōndris sndñ hom an od soc. Sẹra sd ś snt tū perz, n ɖ lōndris dclerd onli a per n a haf wr snt. I spouc t Cári abt it, bt ś rɖr tsṭli rplaid: “I am tîrd v spīcñ t hr; y hd betr g n spīc t hr yrslf. Ś z ǎtsd.” I dd so, bt ɖ lōndris dclerd ɖt onli an od soc wz snt.

Gowñ pást intu ɖ pasij at ɖs tîm n wz rūd inuf t lisn t ɖ convseśn, n inṭruptñ, sd: “D’nt west ɖ od soc, old man; d an act v ćaṛti n gv it t sm pur man wɖ onli wn leg.” Ɖ lōndris gigld lîc an idịt. I wz dsgustd n wōct upsterz fr ɖ prṗs v pinñ dǎn mî colr, az ɖ butn hd cm of ɖ bac v mî śrt.

Ẃn I rtrnd t ɖ parlr, Gowñ wz rīteilñ hiz idiotic joc abt ɖ od soc, n Cári wz rorñ wɖ laftr. I s’poz I am luzñ mî sns v hymr. I spouc mî mînd priti frīli abt Paj. Gowñ sd h hd met him onli wns bfr ɖt īvnñ. H hd bn intṛdyst bî a frend, n az h (Paj) hd “std” a gd dinr, Gowñ wśt t śo him sm litl rtrn. Upn mî wrd, Gowñ’z cūlnis s’pász ol b’lif. Lūpin cem in bfr I cd rplî, n Gowñ unforćṇtli inqîrd aftr Deizi Mutlr. Lūpin śǎtd: “Mînd yr ǒn biznis, sr!” n bǎnst ǎt v ɖ rūm, slamñ ɖ dor. Ɖ rmendr v ɖ nît wz Deizi Mutlr – Deizi Mutlr – Deizi Mutlr. Ǒ dir!

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I hd t run aftr it, n hd ɖ gretist dificlti in rcuṿrñ it. Ẃn I hd s’xidd in dwñ so, I faund Msz Frnlos hd wōct on wɖ sm swel frendz, n I flt I cd nt wel aproć hr nǎ, ispeṣ́li az mî hat wz smuɖrd wɖ mud. I canot se hǎ dis’pôntd I flt.

In ɖ īvnñ (Súnde īvnñ v ol uɖrz) I faund an imprtinnt not fṛm Mr Brwin-Fosltn, ẃć ran az foloz:

“Dir Mr Pūtr, – Olɖo yr jūńr bî phps sm twenti or ʈrti yirz – ẃć z sfiśnt rīzn ɖt y òt t hv a longr rec̣d v ɖ ʈñz n wez in ɖs minićr v a planit – I fīl it z jst wɖn ɖ bǎndz v posbiḷti ɖt ɖ ẃīlz v yr lîf d’nt travl so qcli rnd az ɖoz v ɖ humbl raitr v ɖz lînz. Ɖ dandi hors v past dez hz bn noun t oṿtec ɖ slo coć.

“D I mc mslf unḍstd?

“Vri wel, ɖen! Pmit m, Mr Pūtr, t advîz y t axpt ɖ vrb. sap. Acnolij yr dfit, n tec yr ẃipñ gresf̣li; fr rmembr y ʈrù dǎn ɖ gluv, n I canot clem t b îɖr mnṭli or fizicli a cawd!

“Revenons à nos moutons.

“Ǎr lîvz run in difṛnt grūvz. I liv fr MÎ ART – Ɖ STEJ. Yr lîf z dvotd t cmrśl psyts – ‘A lîf amñ Lejrz.’ Mî bcs r v difṛnt metl. Yr lîf in ɖ Siti z onṛbl, I admit. Bt hǎ difṛnt! Canot īvn y si ɖ ośn btwn s? A ćanl ɖt privnts ɖ mītñ v ǎr brenz in harmońs acord. Ā! Bt chacun à son goût.

“I hv rejistrd a vǎ t mǎnt ɖ steps v fem. I me crōl, I me slip, I me īvn fōltr (w r ol wìc), bt rīć ɖ top ruñ v ɖ ladr I wl!!! Ẃn ɖr, mî vôs śl b hŕd, fr I wl śǎt t ɖ multtydz b’lo: ‘Vici!’ Fr ɖ preznt I am onli an aṃćr, n mî wrc z uņoun, fsuʈ, sev t a parti v frendz, wɖ hir n ɖr an eṇmi.

“Bt, Mr Pūtr, let m asc y, ‘Ẃt z ɖ difṛns btwn ɖ aṃćr n ɖ pṛfeśnl?’

“Nn!!!

“Ste! Yes, ɖr z a difṛns. Wn z peid fr dwñ ẃt ɖ uɖr dz az scilfli fr nʈñ!

“Bt I wl b peid, tù! Fr I, contrri t ɖ wśz v mî faṃli n frendz, hv at last ilectd t adopt ɖ stej az mî pṛfeśn. N ẃn ɖ fars crêz z ovr – n, marc y, ɖt wl b sn – I wl mc mî pǎr noun; fr I fīl – pardn mî apaṛnt cnsit – ɖt ɖr z no livñ man hu cn ple ɖ hump-bact Rićd az I fīl n nǒ I cn.

“N y wl b ɖ frst t cm rnd n bnd yr hed in sbmiśn. Ɖr r mni matrz y me unḍstand, bt nolij v ɖ fîn art v actñ z t y an uņoun qontti.

“Pre let ɖs dscuśn sīs wɖ ɖs letr. Vale!

Yrz trūli,

“Brwin-Fosltn.”

I wz dsgustd. Ẃn Lūpin cem in, I handd him ɖs imprtinnt letr, n sd: “Mî bô, in ɖt letr y cn si ɖ tru caṛctr v yr frend.”

Lūpin, t mî s’prîz, sd: “Ǒ yes. H śoud m ɖ letr bfr h snt it. I ʈnc h z rît, n y òt t apoḷjîz.”

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Ś rplaid, t mî s’prîz: “I riyli wz’nt liṣnñ, dir. I wz oblîjd t līv t gv instrux́nz t ɖ lōndris. In consiqns v sm stuf ś pts in ɖ wōtr, tū mor v Lūpin’z culrd śrts hv run n h sz h w’nt wer ɖm.”I sd: “Evrʈñ z Lūpin. It’s ol Lūpin, Lūpin, Lūpin. Ɖr wz nt a sngl butn on mî śrt yesṭde, bt I md no cmplent.”

Cári simpli rplaid: “Y śd d az ol uɖr men d, n wer studz. In fact, I nvr sw enwn bt y wer butnz on ɖ śrtfrunts.”

I sd: “I srtnli wòr nn yesṭde, fr ɖr wr nn on.”

Anɖr ʈt ɖt strîcs m z ɖt Gowñ sldm cōlz in ɖ īvnñ, n Cumñz nvr dz. I fir ɖe d’nt gt on wel wɖ Lūpin.

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I broćt ɖ subjict at ɖ brecfsțebl tde. I sd: “I wz in hops ɖt, f enʈñ evr hapnd t m, ɖ dayri wd b an endlis sors v pleźr t y bʈ; t se nʈñ v ɖ ćans v ɖ rḿṇreśn ẃć me acru fṛm its biyñ publiśt.”Bʈ Cári n Lūpin brst ǎt lafñ. Cári wz sori fr ɖs, I cd si, fr ś sd: “I dd nt mīn t b rūd, dir Ćarli; bt trūli I d nt ʈnc yr dayri wd sfiśntli inṭrest ɖ public t b tecn p bî a publiśr.”

I rplaid: “I am śr it wd pruv qt az inṭrestñ az sm v ɖ r’dikḷs reṃnisnsz ɖt hv bn publiśt lêtli. Bsdz, it’s ɖ dayri ɖt mcs ɖ man. Ẃr wd Eṿlin n Pìps hv bn f it hd nt bn fr ɖer dayriz?”

Cári sd I wz qt a f’loṣfr; bt Lūpin, in a jirñ ton, sd: “F it hd bn ritn on larjr pepr, Guv., w mt gt a fer prîs fṛm a butrmn fr it.”

Az I am in ɖ pṛspctiv vein, I vǎ ɖ end v ɖs yir wl si ɖ end v mî dayri.

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I hd t bai mor n pe mor ɖn intndd. Unforćṇtli I dd nt xamin ɖm ol, n ẃn I got hom I dscuvrd a vulgr card wɖ a picćr v a fat nrs wɖ tū bebiz, wn blac n ɖ uɖr ẃît, n ɖ wrdz: “W wś Pa a Meri Crisṃs.” I tòr p ɖ card n ʈrù it awe. Cári sd ɖ gret dis’dvantij v gwñ ǎt in Ssayti n incrisñ ɖ numbr v ǎr frendz wz, ɖt w śd hv t snd ǎt nirli tū duzn cardz ɖs yir.

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In ɖ īvnñ Lūpin wz vri lo-spiṛtd, n I rmîndd him ɖt bhnd ɖ clǎdz ɖ sún wz śînñ. H sd: “Ug! it nvr śînz on m.” I sd: “Stop, Lūpin, mî bô; y r wurid abt Deizi Mutlr. D’nt ʈnc v hr eni mor. Y òt t cngrać̣let yrslf on hvñ got of a vri bad bargin. Hr nośnz r far tù grand fr ǎr simpl tests.” H jumt p n sd: “I w’nt alǎ wn wrd t b utrd agnst hr. Ś’z wrʈ ɖ hol bunć v yr frendz pt tgɖr, ɖt infletd, slǒpñhed v a Prcup includd.” I left ɖ rūm wɖ sîḷnt digṇti, bt còt mî ft in ɖ mat.

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In wundrmnt, I sd: “Ẃt! aftr yr ingejmnt hz bn brocn of?”Lūpin sd: “Hu sd it z of?”

I sd: “Y hv gvn s bʈ t unḍstand – ”

H inṭruptd m bî seyñ: “Wel, nvr mînd ẃt I sd. It z on agn – ɖr!”

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Crisṃs De. – W còt ɖ 10.20 tren at Padñtn, n spent a pleznt de at Cári’z muɖr’z. Ɖ cuntri wz qt nîs n pleznt, olɖo ɖ rodz wr slopi. W dînd in ɖ midl v ɖ de, jst ten v s, n tōct ovr old tîmz. F evrbdi hd a nîs, uninṭfirñ muɖr-in-lw, sć az I hv, ẃt a dīl v hapinis ɖr wd b in ɖ wrld. Biyñ ol in gd spirits, I pṛpozd hr hlʈ, n I md, I ʈnc, a vri gd spīć.

I cncludd, rɖr nītli, bî seyñ: “On an oceźn lîc ɖs – ẃɖr reḷtivz, frendz, or aqentnsz, – w r ol inspîrd wɖ gd fīlñz twdz ć uɖr. W r v wn mînd, n ʈnc onli v luv n frendśp. Ɖoz hu hv qoṛld wɖ absnt frendz śd cis n mc it p. Ɖoz hu haṗli hv nt fōḷn ǎt, cn cis ol ɖ sem.”

I sw ɖ tirz in ɖ îz v bʈ Cári n hr muɖr, n mst se I flt vri flatrd bî ɖ complimnt. Ɖt dir old Revṛnd Jon Panzi Smiʈ, hu marid s, md a most ćirfl n aḿzñ spīć, n sd h śd act on mî sjsćn rspctñ ɖ cisñ. H ɖen wōct rnd ɖ tebl n cist ol ɖ lediz, includñ Cári. V cors wn dd nt objct t ɖs; bt I wz mor ɖn stagrd ẃn a yuñ felo nemd Mos, hu wz a strenjr t m, n hu hd scersli spocn a wrd ʈru dinr, jumt p sudnli wɖ a sprig v mislto, n xclemd: “Hlo! I d’nt si ẃ I śd’nt b on in ɖs sīn.” Bfr wn cd riylîz ẃt h wz abt t d, h cist Cári n ɖ rest v ɖ lediz.

Forćṇtli ɖ matr wz trītd az a joc, n w ol laft; bt it wz a denjṛs xperimnt, n I flt vri unīzi fr a momnt az t ɖ rzult. I subsiqntli rfŕd t ɖ matr t Cári, bt ś sd: “Ǒ, h’z nt mć mor ɖn a bô.” I sd ɖt h hd a vri larj mstaś fr a bô. Cári rplaid: “I dd’nt se h wz nt a nîs bô.”

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Cári, hu hd lisnd t ɖ abv convseśn wɖ apaṛnt anoyns, d’rectd a wel-emd śaft at Lūpin. Ś sd: “Lūpin, ẃ d y objct t Deizi mītñ yr faɖr’z frendz? Z it bcz ɖe r nt gd inuf fr hr, or (ẃć z īqli poṣbl) ś z nt gd inuf fr ɖm?” Lūpin wz dumfǎndd, n cd mc no rplî. Ẃn h left ɖ rūm, I gev Cári a cis v apruvl.

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Fîndñ Lūpin in gd spirits, I asct him qaytli f h riyli hd eni prsnl objx́n t îɖr Gowñ or Cumñz. H rplaid: “Nt in ɖ līst. I ʈnc Cumñz lcs rɖr an as, bt ɖt z partli dy t hiz patṛnîzñ ‘ɖ ʈri-n-six-wn-prîs hat cumṗni,’ n wẹrñ a rīć-m-dǎn froc̦ot. Az fr ɖt ppćl brǎn velvtīn jacit v Gowñ’z – ẃ, h rzmblz an îtinṛnt ftogṛfr.”I sd it wz nt ɖ cot ɖt md ɖ jntlmn; ẃr’pn Lūpin, wɖ a laf, rplaid: “No, n it wz’nt mć v a jntlmn hu md ɖer cóts.”

W wr rɖr joli at supr, n Deizi md hrslf vri agriybl, ispeṣ́li in ɖ rlịr part v ɖ īvnñ, ẃn ś sañ. At supr, hvr, ś sd: “Cn y mc tì-t-tums wɖ bred?” n ś cmnst rolñ p pìsz v bred, n twistñ ɖm rnd on ɖ tebl. I flt ɖs t b bad manrz, bt v cors sd nʈñ. Prezntli Deizi n Lūpin, t mî dsgust, bgan ʈrowñ bredpilz at ć uɖr. Franc foloud sūt, n so dd Cumñz n Gowñ, t mî astoniśmnt. Ɖe ɖen cmnst ʈrowñ hard pìsz v crust, wn pìs caćñ m on ɖ fōrhed, n mcñ m blinc. I sd: “Stedi, plīz; stedi!” Franc jumt p n sd: “Tum, tum; ɖen ɖ band pleid.”

I dd nt nǒ ẃt ɖs mnt, bt ɖe ol rord, n cntinyd ɖ bredbatl. Gowñ sudnli sizd ol ɖ parsli of ɖ cold mutn, n ʈrù it fl in mî fes. I lct dagrz at Gowñ, hu rplaid: “I se, it’s no gd trayñ t lc indignnt, wɖ yr her fl v parsli.” I rouz fṛm ɖ tebl, n insistd ɖt a stop śd b pt t ɖs fūḷri at wns. Franc Mutlr śǎtd: “Tîm, jntlṃn, plīz! tîm!” n trnd ǎt ɖ gas, līvñ s in abṣlut darcnis.

I wz fīlñ mî we ǎt v ɖ rūm, ẃn I sudnli rsivd a hard intnśnl punć at ɖ bac v mî hed. I sd lǎdli: “Hu dd ɖt?” Ɖr wz no ansr; so I rpitd ɖ qsćn, wɖ ɖ sem rzult. I struc a mać, n lîtd ɖ gas. Ɖe wr ol tōcñ n lafñ, so I cept mî ǒn cǎnsl; bt, aftr ɖe hd gn, I sd t Cári; “Ɖ prsn hu snt m ɖt insultñ postcard at Crisṃs wz hir tnît.”

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I asct him t pas ɖ enṿlop, ɖt I mt cmper ɖ raitñ. H dd so, n I xamind it bî ɖ sîd v ɖ enṿlop cntenñ ɖ Crisṃs card. I dtctd a siṃlaṛti in ɖ raitñ, in spît v ɖ atmtd dsgîz. I pást ɖm on t Cári, hu bgan t laf. I asct hr ẃt ś wz lafñ at, n ś sd ɖ card wz nvr d’rectd t m at ol. It wz “L. Pūtr,” nt “C. Pūtr.” Lūpin asct t lc at ɖ d’rex́n n ɖ card, n xclemd, wɖ a laf: “Ǒ yes, Guv., it’s mnt fr m.”I sd: “R y in ɖ habit v rsivñ insultñ Crisṃs cardz?” H rplaid: “Ǒ yes, n v sndñ ɖm, tù.”

In ɖ īvnñ Gowñ cōld, n sd h injoid himslf vri mć last nît. I tc ɖ oṗtyṇti t cnfîd in him, az an old frend, abt ɖ viśs punć last nît. H brst ǎt lafñ, n sd: “Ǒ, it wz yr hed, wz it? I nǒ I axdnṭli hit smʈñ, bt I ʈt it wz a bric wōl.” I tld him I flt hrt, in bʈ snsz v ɖ xpreśn.

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I dd nt dzîr ɖ last de t wînd p dis’griybli, so I sd nʈñ t îɖr Cári or Lūpin abt ɖ letr.

A most teṛbl fog cem on, n Lūpin wd g ǎt in it, bt promist t b bac t drinc ǎt ɖ Old Yir – a custm w hv olwz obzrvd. At a qortr t twelv Lūpin hd nt rtrnd, n ɖ fog wz firfl. Az tîm wz drw̃ clos, I got ǎt ɖ spirits. Cári n I dsîdñ on ẃisci, I opnd a freś botl; bt Cári sd it smelt lîc brandi. Az I ń it t b ẃisci, I sd ɖr wz nʈñ t dscus. Cári, evidntli vxt ɖt Lūpin hd nt cm in, dd dscus it ol ɖ sem, n wontd m t hv a smōl wejr wɖ hr t dsîd bî ɖ smel. I sd I cd dsîd it bî ɖ test in a momnt. A sili n uņesṣri arğmnt foloud, ɖ rzult v ẃć wz w sudnli sw it wz a qortr-past twelv, n, fr ɖ frst tîm in ǎr marid lîf, w míst welcmñ in ɖ Ny Yir. Lūpin got hom at a qortr-past tū, hvñ got lost in ɖ fog – so h sd.

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Mr Prcup wz in hiz rūm raitñ, n h sd: “Tec a sīt, Mr Pūtr, I śl nt b a momnt.”I rplaid: “No, ʈanc y, sr; I’l stand.”

I woćt ɖ cloc on ɖ mantlpìs, n I wz wêtñ qt twenti minits; bt it sīmd aurz. Mr Prcup at last got p himslf.

I sd: “I hop ɖr z nʈñ roñ, sr?”

H rplaid: “Ǒ dir, no! qt ɖ rvrs, I hop.” Ẃt a weit of mî mînd! Mî breʈ sīmd t cm bac agn in an instnt.

Mr Prcup sd: “Mr Buclñ z gwñ t rtîr, n ɖr wl b sm slît ćenjz in ɖ ofis. Y hv bn wɖ s nirli twenti-wn yirz, n, in consiqns v yr conduct jrñ ɖt pirịd, w intnd mcñ a speśl pṛmośn in yr fevr. W hv nt qt dsîdd hǎ y wl b plest; bt in eni ces ɖr wl b a cnsidṛbl incrīs in yr saḷri, ẃć, it z qt uņesṣri fr m t se, y fŭli dzrv. I hv an apôntmnt at tū; bt y śl hír mor tmoro.”

H ɖen left ɖ rūm qcli, n I wz nt īvn alaud tîm or ʈt t xpres a sngl wrd v gretfl ʈancs t him. I nīd nt se hǎ dir Cári rsivd ɖs jôfl nyz. Wɖ prfict simpliṣti ś sd: “At last w śl b ebl t hv a ćimniglas fr ɖ bac drw̃rūm, ẃć w olwz wontd.” I add: “Yes, n at last y śl hv ɖt litl costym ẃć y sw at Pītr Robinsn’z so ćīp.”

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Lūpin ansrd: “I tld y! I canot stand old Mutlr.”I sd: “Mr Mutlr raits t m t se priti plenli ɖt h canot stand y!”

Lūpin sd: “Wel, I lîc hiz ćīc in raitñ t y. I’l fînd ǎt f hiz faɖr z stl alîv, n I wl rait him a not cmplenñ v hiz sun, n I’l stet priti clirli ɖt hiz sun z a bliɖ̇rñ idịt!”

I sd: “Lūpin, plīz moḍret yr xpreśnz in ɖ prezns v yr muɖr.”

Lūpin sd: “I’m vri sori, bt ɖr z no uɖr xpreśn wn cn aplî t him. Hvr, I’m dtrmind nt t entr hiz ples agn.”

I sd: “Y nǒ, Lūpin, h hz fbidn y ɖ hǎs.”

Lūpin rplaid: “Wel, w w’nt split strwz – it’s ol ɖ sem. Deizi z a trump, n wl wêt fr m ten yirz, f nesṣri.”

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Lūpin gev ʈri ćirz, n w rapt ɖ tebl fyrịsli, ẃć bròt in Sẹra t si ẃt ɖ matr wz. Lūpin ordrd s t “fil p” agn, n adresñ s upstandñ, sd: “Hvñ bn in ɖ frm v Jǒb Clenndz, stoc n śer brocrz, a fy wīcs, n nt hvñ peid ptiklr atnśn t ɖ inṭrests v mî s’pirịrz in ofis, mî Guvnr, az a rword t m, alotd m £5 wrʈ v śerz in a riyli gd ʈñ. Ɖ rzult z, tde I hv md £200.” I sd: “Lūpin, y r jocñ.” “No, Guv., it’s ɖ gd old truʈ; Jǒb Clenndz pt m on t Clōrets.”

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I dd nt psy ɖ subjict frɖr, bynd seyñ ɖt I śd fīl glad ẃn ɖ ōtm cem, n Lūpin wd b v ej n rsponsbl fr hiz ǒn déts. H ansrd: “Mî dir Guv., I promis y feʈf̣li ɖt I wl nvr speklet wɖ ẃt I hv nt got. I śl onli g on Jǒb Clenndz’ tips, n az h z in ɖ ‘nǒ’ it z priti sef sêlñ.” I flt smẃt rlivd. Gowñ cōld in ɖ īvnñ n, t mî s’prîz, informd m ɖt, az h hd md £10 bî wn v Lūpin’z tips, h intndd ascñ s n ɖ Cumñz rnd nxt Saṭde. Cári n I sd w śd b dlîtd.

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I sd: “Ɖs z ɖ frst I hv hŕd v it. I hv pást yr hǎs sevṛl nîts, n prizymd y hd cumṗni, az ɖ rūmz wr so briłntli lîtd.”Cumñz rplaid: “No! Ɖ onli cumṗni I hv hd wz mî wîf, ɖ doctr, n ɖ landledi – ɖ last-nemd hvñ trnd ǎt a prfict trump. I wundr y dd nt si it in ɖ pepr. I nǒ it wz mnśnd in ɖ Bîsicl Nyz.”

I ʈt t ćir him p, n sd: “Wel, y r ol rît nǎ?”

H rplaid: “Ɖt’s nt ɖ qsćn. Ɖ qsćn z ẃɖr an ilnis dz nt inebl y t dscuvr hu r yr tru frendz.”

I sd sć an obẓveśn wz unwrɖi v him. T mc matrz wrs, in cem Gowñ, hu gev Cumñz a vayḷnt slap on ɖ bac, n sd: “Hlo! Hv y sìn a gost? Y lc scerd t deʈ, lîc Ŕvñ in Mcbeʈ.” I sd: “Jntli, Gowñ, ɖ pur felo hz bn vri il.” Gowñ rord wɖ laftr n sd: “Yes, n y lc it, tù.” Cumñz qaytli sd: “Yes, n I fīl it tù – nt ɖt I s’poz y cer.”

An ōcẉd sîḷns foloud. Gowñ sd: “Nvr mînd, Cumñz, y n ɖ misis cm rnd t mî ples tmoro, n it wl ćir y p a bit; fr w’l opn a botl v wîn.”

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Wɖ ɖt obẓveśn h slamd ɖ dor, līvñ Cári n m standñ on ɖ steps wɖ a cutñ wind blowñ rnd ɖ cornr.Cári advîzd m t noc agn. I dd so, n ɖen dscuvrd fr ɖ frst tîm ɖt ɖ nocr hd bn nyli pentd, n ɖ pent hd cm of on mî gluvz – ẃć wr, in consiqns, cmplitli spôld.

I noct at ɖ dor wɖ mî stic tū or ʈri tîmz.

Ɖ man opnd ɖ dor, tecñ ɖ ćen of ɖs tîm, n bgan abyzñ m. H sd: “Ẃt d y mīn bî scraćñ ɖ pent wɖ yr stic lîc ɖt, spôlñ ɖ varniś? Y òt t b aśemd v yrslf.”

I sd: “Pardn m, Mr Gowñ invîtd – ”

H inṭruptd n sd: “I d’nt cer fr Mr Gowñ, or eni v hiz frendz. Ɖs z mî dor, nt Mr Gowñ’z. Ɖr r ppl hir bsdz Mr Gowñ.”

Ɖ imprtinns v ɖs man wz nʈñ. I scersli notist it, it wz so trivịl in cmparisn wɖ ɖ scandḷs conduct v Gowñ.

At ɖs momnt Cumñz n hiz wîf arîvd. Cumñz wz vri lem n līnñ on a stic; bt got p ɖ steps n asct ẃt ɖ matr wz.

Ɖ man sd: “Mr Gowñ sd nʈñ abt xpctñ enwn. Ol h sd wz h hd jst rsivd an invteśn t Crôdn, n h śd nt b bac tl Munde īvnñ. H tc hiz bag wɖ him.”

Wɖ ɖt h slamd ɖ dor agn. I wz tù indignnt wɖ Gowñ’z conduct t se enʈñ. Cumñz lct ẃît wɖ rej, n az h dsndd ɖ steps struc hiz stic vayḷntli on ɖ grǎnd n sd: “Scǎndṛl!”

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H sīmd qt wel agn, n ćaft s abt marcñ ɖ coḷrz. I asct him f h hd hŕd fṛm Gowñ, n h rplaid ɖt h hd nt. I sd I śd nt hv b’livd ɖt Gowñ cd hv actd in sć an unjntlmnli manr. Cumñz sd: “Y r mîld in yr dscripśn v him; I ʈnc h hz actd lîc a cad.”Ɖ wrdz wr scersli ǎt v hiz mǎʈ ẃn ɖ dor opnd, n Gowñ, ptñ in hiz hed, sd: “Me I cm in?” I sd: “Srtnli.” Cári sd vri pôntidli: “Wel, y r a strenjr.” Gowñ sd: “Yes, I’v bn on n of t Crôdn jrñ ɖ last fortnît.” I cd si Cumñz wz bôlñ ovr, n ivnć̣li h tacld Gowñ vri stroñli rspctñ hiz conduct last Saṭde wīc. Gowñ apird s’prîzd, n sd: “Ẃ, I postd a letr t y in ɖ mornñ anǎnsñ ɖt ɖ parti wz ‘of, vri mć of.’” I sd: “I nvr got it.” Gowñ, trnñ t Cári, sd: “I s’poz letrz smtmz mscari, d’nt ɖe, Msz Cári?” Cumñz śarpli sd: “Ɖs z nt a tîm fr jocñ. I hd no notis v ɖ parti biyñ pt of.” Gowñ rplaid: “I tld Pūtr in mî not t tel y, az I wz in a huri. Hvr, I’l inqîr at ɖ post-ofis, n w mst mīt agn at mî ples.” I add ɖt I hopt h wd b preznt at ɖ nxt mītñ. Cári rord at ɖs, n īvn Cumñz cd nt hlp lafñ.

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Lūpin pṛsidd t pt on a brît-blu cot ɖt sīmd mîlz tù larj fr him. Cári sd it wontd tecñ in cnsidṛbli at ɖ bac. Lūpin sd: “Hv’nt y sìn a boxcot bfr? Y c’nt drîv in enʈñ els.”H me wer ẃt h lîcs in ɖ fyćr, fr I śl nvr drîv wɖ him agn. Hiz conduct wz śocñ. Ẃn w pást Hîget Arćwe, h traid t pas evrʈñ n evrbdi. H śǎtd t rspctbl ppl hu wr wōcñ qaytli in ɖ rod t gt ǎt v ɖ we; h flict at ɖ hors v an old man hu wz rîdñ, cōzñ it t rir; n, az I hd t rîd bcwdz, I wz cmpeld t fes a gañ v rufs in a doncicart, hūm Lūpin hd ćaft, n hu trnd n foloud s fr nirli a mîl, belowñ, induljñ in cōrs jocs n laftr, t se nʈñ v oceźṇli pltñ s wɖ orinjpīl.

Lūpin’z xks – ɖt ɖ Prins v Wêlz wd hv t pt p wɖ ɖ sem sort v ʈñ f h drouv t ɖ Darbi – wz v litl conṣleśn t îɖr Cári or mslf. Franc Mutlr cōld in ɖ īvnñ, n Lūpin wnt ǎt wɖ him.

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Aftr ǎr litl supr, h sd: “Mî dir peṛnts, I hv sm nyz, ẃć I fir wl afct y cnsidṛbli.” I flt a qām cm ovr m, n sd nʈñ. Lūpin ɖen sd: “It me dstres y – in fact, I’m śr it wl – bt ɖs afṭnun I hv gvn p mî poni n trap fr evr.” It me sīm absrd, bt I wz so plizd, I imīɉtli opnd a botl v port. Gowñ dropt in jst in tîm, brññ wɖ him a larj śīt, wɖ a print v a teiļis donci, ẃć h fasnd agnst ɖ wōl. H ɖen pṛdyst sevṛl sepṛt teilz, n w spent ɖ rmendr v ɖ īvnñ trayñ blîndfoldd t pin a teil on in ɖ propr ples. Mî sîdz poztivli ect wɖ laftr ẃn I wnt t bed.

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H wz bròt in, Gowñ enṭrñ at ɖ sem tîm. Mr Muri Poś wz a tōl, fat yuñ man, n wz evidntli v a vri nrṿs dispziśn, az h subsiqntli cnfest h wd nvr g in a hansmcab, nr wd h entr a for-ẃīlr untl ɖ drîvr hd frst got on ɖ box wɖ hiz reinz in hiz handz.

On biyñ intṛdyst, Gowñ, wɖ hiz yźl wont v tact, sd: “Eni rleśn t ‘Poś’z ʈri-śilñ hats’?” Mr Poś rplaid: “Yes; bt plīz unḍstand I d’nt trî on hats mslf. I tec no activ part in ɖ biznis.” I rplaid: “I wś I hd a biznis lîc it.” Mr Poś sīmd plizd, n gev a loñ bt most inṭrestñ hisṭri v ɖ xtrordnri dificltiz in ɖ mańfacćr v ćīp hats.

Muri Poś evidntli ń Deizi Mutlr vri intiṃtli fṛm ɖ we h wz tōcñ v hr; n Franc sd t Lūpin wns, lafñli: “F y d’nt lc ǎt, Poś wl cut y ǎt!” Ẃn ɖe hd ol gn, I rfŕd t ɖs flipnt convseśn; n Lūpin sd, sarcasticli: “A man hu z jeḷs hz no rspct fr himslf. A man hu wd b jeḷs v an elifnt lîc Muri Poś cd onli hv a cntmt fr himslf. I nǒ Deizi. Ś wd wêt ten yirz fr m, az I sd bfr; in fact, f nesṣri, ś wd wêt twenti yirz fr m.”

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Cári sd: “Marc mî wrdz, Ćarlz, sm msfortyn z abt t hapn.”I sd: “Nonsns, dir.”

In ɖ īvnñ Lūpin arîvd hom rli, n sīmd a litl ajtetd. I sd: “Ẃt’s p, mî bô?” H heztetd a gd dīl, n ɖen sd: “Y nǒ ɖoz Paṛćica Clōrets I advîzd y t invst £20 in?” I rplaid: “Yes, ɖe r ol rît, I trust?” H rplaid: “Wel, no! T ɖ s’prîz v evrbdi, ɖe hv utrli c’lapst.”

Mî breʈ wz so cmplitli tecn awe, I cd se nʈñ. Cári lct at m, n sd: “Ẃt dd I tel y?” Lūpin, aftr a ẃl, sd: “Hvr, y r speṣ́li forćṇt. I rsivd an rli tip, n sold ǎt yrz imīɉtli, n wz forćṇt t gt £2 fr ɖm. So y gt smʈñ aftr ol.”

I gev a sai v rlif. I sd: “I wz nt so sanḡn az t s’poz, az y pridictd, ɖt I śd gt six or et tîmz ɖ amǎnt v mî invstmnt; stl a profit v £2 z a gd psntij fr sć a śort tîm.” Lūpin sd, qt iritbli: “Y d’nt unḍstand. I sold yr £20 śerz fr £2; y ɖrfr lūz £18 on ɖ trnzax́n, ẃr-bî Cumñz n Gowñ wl lūz ɖ hol v ɖerz.”

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In ɖ īvnñ Lūpin wz jst on ɖ pônt v gwñ ǎt t avôd a c’liźn wɖ Gowñ n Cumñz, ẃn ɖ formr entrd ɖ rūm, wɖt nocñ, bt wɖ hiz yźl tric v seyñ, “Me I cm in?”H entrd, n t ɖ s’prîz v Lūpin n mslf, sīmd t b in ɖ vri bst v spirits. Nɖr Lūpin nr I broćt ɖ subjict t him, bt h dd so v hiz ǒn acord. H sd: “I se, ɖoz Paṛćica Clōrets hv gn an ōfl smaś! Y’r a nîs wn, Mastr Lūpin. Hǎ mć d y lūz?” Lūpin, t mî utr astoniśmnt, sd: “Ǒ! I hd nʈñ in ɖm. Ɖr wz sm informaḷti in mî apḷceśn – I fgot t incloz ɖ ćéc or smʈñ, n I dd’nt gt eni. Ɖ Guv. luzz £18.” I sd: “I qt unḍstd y wr in it, or nʈñ wd hv indyst m t speklet.” Lūpin rplaid: “Wel, it c’nt b hlpt; y mst g dubl on ɖ nxt tip.” Bfr I cd rplî, Gowñ sd: “Wel, I lūz nʈñ, forćṇtli. Fṛm ẃt I hŕd, I dd nt qt b’liv in ɖm, so I pswedd Cumñz t tec mî £15 wrʈ, az h hd mor feʈ in ɖm ɖn I hd.”

Lūpin brst ǎt lafñ, n, in ɖ most unsīmli manr, sd: “Alas, pur Cumñz. H’l lūz £35.” At ɖt momnt ɖr wz a rñ at ɖ bel. Lūpin sd: “I d’nt wont t mīt Cumñz.” F h hd gn ǎt v ɖ dor h wd hv met him in ɖ pasij, so az qcli az poṣbl Lūpin opnd ɖ parlrwindo n got ǎt. Gowñ jumt p sudnli, xclemñ: “I d’nt wont t si him îɖr!” n, bfr I cd se a wrd, h foloud Lūpin ǎt v ɖ windo.

Fr mî ǒn part, I wz hoṛfaid t ʈnc mî ǒn sun n wn v mî most intiṃt frendz śd dpart fṛm ɖ hǎs lîc a cupl v inṭruptd brglrz. Pur Cumñz wz vri upset, n v cors wz naćṛli vri angri bʈ wɖ Lūpin n Gowñ. I prest him t hv a litl ẃisci, n h rplaid ɖt h hd gvn p ẃisci; bt wd lîc a litl “Unswītnd,” az h wz advîzd it wz ɖ most hlʈi spirit. I hd nn in ɖ hǎs, bt snt Sẹra rnd t Locwŭd’z fr sm.

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Lūpin cem dǎn t brecfst, n siyñ h lct penf̣li dstrest, I sd: “W nǒ ɖ nyz, mî dir bô, n fīl vri sori fr y.” Lūpin sd: “Hǎ dd y nǒ? hu tld y?” I handd him ɖ Standd. H ʈrù ɖ pepr dǎn, n sd: “Ǒ I d’nt cer a butn fr ɖt! I xpctd ɖt, bt I dd nt xpct ɖs.” H ɖen réd a letr fṛm Franc Mutlr, anǎnsñ, in a cūl manr, ɖt Deizi Mutlr z t b marid nxt munʈ t Muri Poś. I xclemd, “Muri Poś! Z nt ɖt ɖ vri man Franc hd ɖ impydns t brñ hir last Tyzde wīc?” Lūpin sd: “Yes; ɖ ‘Poś’z-ʈri-śilñ-hats’ ćap.”W ol ɖen ét ǎr brecfst in ded sîḷns.

In fact, I cd īt nʈñ. I wz nt onli tù wurid, bt I canot n wl nt īt cŭśn v bêcn. F I canot gt strīci bêcn, I wl d wɖt enʈñ.

Ẃn Lūpin rouz t g I notist a mliśs smîl crīp ovr hiz fes. I asct him ẃt it mnt. H rplaid: “Ǒ! onli a litl conṣleśn – stl it z a conṣleśn. I hv jst rmembrd ɖt, bî mî advîs, Mr Muri Poś hz invstd £600 in Paṛćica Clōrets!”

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Cári wz ol v a-trembl ẃn ś réd ɖ letr, n ol ś cd cīp on seyñ wz: “Ǒ, I d hop it wl b ol rît.” Fr mslf, I cd scersli īt eni brecfst. Lūpin cem dǎn drest qaytli, n lcñ a prfict jntlmn, xpt ɖt hiz fes wz rɖr yelo. Cári, bî we v incurijmnt sd: “Y d lc nîs, Lūpin.” Lūpin rplaid: “Yes, it’s a gd mc-up, z’nt it? A reğlr-dǎnrît-rspctbl-fynirịl-frst-clas-Siti-frm-jūńr-clarc.” H laft rɖr îronicli.

In ɖ hōl I hŕd a gret nôz, n olso Lūpin śǎtñ t Sẹra t feć dǎn hiz old hat. I wnt intu ɖ pasij, n faund Lūpin in a fyri, cicñ n smaśñ a ny tōl hat. I sd: “Lūpin, mî bô, ẃt r y dwñ? Hǎ wicid v y! Sm pur felo wd b glad t hv it.” Lūpin rplaid: “I wd nt insult eni pur felo bî gvñ it t him.”

Ẃn h hd gn ǎtsd, I pict p ɖ batrd hat, n sw insd “Poś’z Petnt.” Pur Lūpin! I cn fgiv him. It sīmd aurz bfr w rīćt ɖ ofis. Mr Prcup snt fr Lūpin, hu wz wɖ him nirli an aur. H rtrnd, az I ʈt, crestfōḷn in apiṛns. I sd: “Wel, Lūpin, hǎ abt Mr Prcup?” Lūpin cmnst hiz soñ: “Ẃt’s ɖ matr wɖ Prcup? H’z ol rît!” I flt instñtivli mî bô wz ingejd. I wnt t Mr Prcup, bt I cd nt spīc. H sd: “Wel, Mr Pūtr, ẃt z it?” I mst hv lct a fūl, fr ol I cd se wz: “Mr Prcup, y r a gd man.” H lct at m fr a momnt, n sd: “No, Mr Pūtr, y r ɖ gd man; n w’l si f w canot gt yr sun t folo sć an xḷnt xampl.” I sd: “Mr Prcup, me I g hom? I canot wrc eni mor tde.”

Mî gd mastr śc mî hand wormli az h nodd hiz hed. It wz az mć az I cd d t privnt mslf fṛm crayñ in ɖ ’bus; in fact, I śd hv dn so, hd mî ʈts nt bn inṭruptd bî Lūpin, hu wz hvñ a qoṛl wɖ a fat man in ɖ ’bus, hūm h akzd v tecñ p tù mć rūm.

In ɖ īvnñ Cári snt rnd fr dir old frend Cumñz n hiz wîf, n olso t Gowñ. W ol sat rnd ɖ fîr, n in a botl v “Jacsn Frer,” ẃć Sẹra fećt fṛm ɖ grosr’z, dranc Lūpin’z hlʈ. I le awec fr aurz, ʈncñ v ɖ fyćr. Mî bô in ɖ sem ofis az mslf – w cn g dǎn tgɖr bî ɖ ’bus, cm hom tgɖr, n hu nz bt in ɖ cors v tîm h me tec gret inṭrest in ǎr litl hom. Ɖt h me hlp m t pt a nêl in hir or a nêl in ɖr, or hlp hiz dir muɖr t hañ a picćr. In ɖ sumr h me hlp s in ǎr litl gardn wɖ ɖ flǎrz, n asist s t pent ɖ standz n pots. (Bî-ɖ-bî, I mst gt in sm mor inaml pent.) Ol ɖs I ʈt ovr n ovr agn, n a ʈǎznd hapi ʈts bsd. I hŕd ɖ cloc strîc for, n sn aftr fél aslip, onli t drīm v ʈri hapi ppl – Lūpin, dir Cári, n mslf.

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I ʈt ɖ rmarcs wr rūd wɖt biyñ funi, bt on testñ it mslf, cem t ɖ cncluźn ɖr wz sm justif̣ceśn fr ɖm. Ɖ sparc̣lñ Alźera z vri lîc sîdr, onli mor sǎr. I sjstd ɖt phps ɖ ʈundr hd trnd it a bit asid. H mirli rplaid: “Ǒ! I d’nt ʈnc so.” W hd a vri pleznt gem v cardz, ɖo I lost for śilñz n Cári lost wn, n Gowñ sd h hd lost abt sixpns: hǎ h cd hv lost, cnsiḍrñ ɖt Cári n I wr ɖ onli uɖr pleyrz, rmenz a misṭri.

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Ɖ invteśn wz fr haf-past et, so I cncludd f w arîvd an aur lêtr w śd b in gd tîm, wɖt biyñ “unfaśṇbl,” az Msz Jemz sz. It wz vri dificlt t fînd – ɖ cabmn hvñ t gt dǎn sevṛl tîmz t inqîr at difṛnt publichǎzz ẃr ɖ Drilhōl wz. I wundr at ppl livñ in sć ǎt-v-ɖ-we plesz. Nwn sīmd t nǒ it. Hvr, aftr gwñ p n dǎn a gd mni badli-lîtd strīts w arîvd at ǎr desṭneśn. I hd no îdīa it wz so far fṛm Hoḷwe. I gev ɖ cabmn fîv śilñz, hu onli grumbld, seyñ it wz drt-ćīp at haf-a-sovrin, n wz imprtinnt inuf t advîz m ɖ nxt tîm I wnt t a bōl t tec a ’bus. Captin Welcut rsivd s, seyñ w wr rɖr lêt, bt ɖt it wz betr lêt ɖn nvr. H sīmd a vri gd-lcñ jntlmn ɖo, az Cári rmarct, “rɖr śort fr an ofisr.” H begd t b xkzd fr līvñ s, az h wz ingejd fr a dans, n hopt w śd mc ǎrslvz at hom. Cári tc mî arm n w wōct rnd ɖ rūmz tū or ʈri tîmz n woćt ɖ ppl dansñ. I cd’nt fînd a sngl prsn I ń, bt atribytd it t most v ɖm biyñ in yṇform. Az w wr enṭrñ ɖ supŗūm I rsivd a slap on ɖ śoldr, foloud bî a welcm śec v ɖ hand. I sd: “Mr Paj, I b’liv;” h rplaid, “Ɖt’s rît.”

I gev Cári a ćer, n sītd bî hr wz a ledi hu md hrslf at hom wɖ Cári at wns.

Ɖr wz a vri libṛl rpast on ɖ teblz, plenti v śampen, clarit, ets., n, in fact, evrʈñ sīmd t b dn rgardlis v xpns. Mr Paj z a man ɖt, I admit, I hv no ptiklr lîcñ fr, bt I flt so glad t cm acrs smwn I ń, ɖt I asct him t sit at ǎr tebl, n I mst se ɖt fr a śort fat man h lct wel in yṇform, olɖo I ʈnc hiz tynic wz rɖr bagi in ɖ bac. It wz ɖ onli supŗūm ɖt I hv bn in ɖt wz nt oṿcrǎdd; in fact w wr ɖ onli ppl ɖr, evrbdi biyñ so bizi dansñ.

I asistd Cári n hr nyli-formd aqentns, hu sd hr nem wz Lupcin, t sm śampen; olso mslf, n handd ɖ botl t Mr Paj t d lîcwz, seyñ: “Y mst lc aftr yrslf.” H rplaid: “Ɖt’s rît,” n pord ǎt haf a tumblr n dranc Cári’z hlʈ, cupld, az h sd, “wɖ hr wrɖi lord n mastr.” W ol hd sm splendid pijn pî, n îsz t folo.

Ɖ wêtrz wr vri atntiv, n asct f w wd lîc sm mor wîn. I asistd Cári n hr frend n Mr Paj, olso sm ppl hu hd jst cm fṛm ɖ dansñrūm, hu wr vri sivl. It ocŕd t m at ɖ tîm ɖt phps sm v ɖ jntlṃn ń m in ɖ Siti, az ɖe wr so p’lît. I md mslf ysfl, n asistd sevṛl lediz t îsz, rmemḅrñ an old seyñ ɖt “Ɖr z nʈñ lost bî sviḷti.”

Ɖ band struc p fr ɖ dans, n ɖe ol wnt intu ɖ bōlrūm. Ɖ lediz (Cári n Msz Lupcin) wr añśs t si ɖ dansñ, n az I hd nt qt finiśt mî supr, Mr Paj ofrd hiz armz t ɖm n iscortd ɖm t ɖ bōlrūm, telñ m t folo. I sd t Mr Paj: “It z qt a Wst End afer,” t ẃć rmarc Mr Paj rplaid: “Ɖt’s rît.”

Ẃn I hd qt finiśt mî supr, n wz līvñ, ɖ wêtr hu hd bn atndñ on s arestd mî atnśn bî tapñ m on ɖ śoldr. I ʈt it unyźl fr a wêtr at a prîṿt bōl t xpct a tip, bt nvɖles gev a śilñ, az h hd bn vri atntiv. H smîlñli rplaid: “I beg yr pardn, sr, ɖs z no gd,” aludñ t ɖ śilñ. “Yr parti’z hd for suprz at 5ś. a hed, fîv îsz at 1ś., ʈri botlz v śampen at 11ś. 6d., a glas v clarit, n a sixṗni sgar fr ɖ stǎt jntlmn – in ol £3 0ś. 6d.!”

I d’nt ʈnc I wz evr so s’prîzd in mî lîf, n hd onli sfiśnt breʈ t inform him ɖt I hd rsivd a prîṿt invteśn, t ẃć h ansrd ɖt h wz prf̣cli wel awer v ɖt; bt ɖt ɖ invteśn dd’nt includ īṭblz n drinc̣blz. A jntlmn hu wz standñ at ɖ bar c’roḅretd ɖ wêtr’z stetmnt, n aśurd m it wz qt c’rect.

Ɖ wêtr sd h wz xtrimli sori f I hd bn undr eni misaprihnśn; bt it wz nt hiz fōlt. V cors ɖr wz nʈñ t b dn bt t pe. So, aftr trnñ ǎt mî pocits, I jst manijd t screp p sfiśnt, ol bt nîn śilñz; bt ɖ manijr, on mî gvñ mî card t him, sd: “Ɖt’s ol rît.”

I d’nt ʈnc I evr flt mor hymilietd in mî lîf, n I dtrmind t cīp ɖs msfortyn fṛm Cári, fr it wd intîrli dstrô ɖ pleznt īvnñ ś wz injoyñ. I flt ɖr wz no mor injômnt fr m ɖt īvnñ, n it biyñ lêt, I sòt Cári n Msz Lupcin. Cári sd ś wz qt redi t g, n Msz Lupcin, az w wr wśñ hr “Gdnît,” asct Cári n mslf f w evr peid a vizit t Sǎʈend? On mî rplayñ ɖt I hd’nt bn ɖr fr mni yirz, ś vri cîndli sd: “Wel, ẃ d’nt y cm dǎn n ste at ǎr ples?” Az hr invteśn wz so presñ, n obzrvñ ɖt Cári wśt t g, w promist w wd vizit hr ɖ nxt Saṭde wīc, n ste tl Munde. Msz Lupcin sd ś wd rait t s tmoro, gvñ s ɖ adres n ptiklrz v trenz, ets.

Ẃn w got ǎtsd ɖ Drilhōl it wz renñ so hard ɖt ɖ rodz rzmbld cnalz, n I nīd hardli se w hd gret dificlti in gtñ a cabmn t tec s t Hoḷwe. Aftr wêtñ a bit, a man sd h wd drîv s, enhǎ, az far az “Ɖ Enjl,” at Izlñtn, n w cd īẓli gt anɖr cab fṛm ɖr. It wz a tīdịs jrni; ɖ ren wz bìtñ agnst ɖ windoz n tric̣lñ dǎn ɖ insd v ɖ cab.

Ẃn w arîvd at “Ɖ Enjl” ɖ hors sīmd tîrd ǎt. Cári got ǎt n ran intu a dorwe, n ẃn I cem t pe, t mî abṣlut horr I rmembrd I hd no muni, nr hd Cári. I xplend t ɖ cabmn hǎ w wr sićuetd. Nvr in mî lîf hv I evr bn so insultd; ɖ cabmn, hu wz a ruf bŭli n t mî ʈncñ nt sobr, cōld m evri nem h cd le hiz tuñ t, n poztivli sizd m bî ɖ bird, ẃć h pld tl ɖ tirz cem intu mî îz. I tc ɖ numbr v a p’līsmn (hu witnist ɖ asōlt) fr nt tecñ ɖ man in ćarj. Ɖ p’līsmn sd h cd’nt inṭfir, ɖt h hd sìn no asōlt, n ɖt ppl śd nt rîd in cabz wɖt muni.

W hd t wōc hom in ɖ porñ ren, nirli tū mîlz, n ẃn I got in I pt dǎn ɖ convseśn I hd wɖ ɖ cabmn, wrd fr wrd, az I intnd raitñ t ɖ Teḷgraf fr ɖ prṗs v pṛpozñ ɖt cabz śd b drivn onli bî men undr Guvnmnt cntrol, t privnt sviłnz biyñ sbjctd t ɖ dsgresfl insult n ǎtrej ɖt I hd hd t indyr.

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On hírñ ɖs, Lūpin sudnli jumt p fṛm ɖ cǎć n ruśt ǎt v ɖ rūm sîdwez. Cumñz lct vri indignnt, n rmarct it wz vri pur fun a man nirli brecñ hiz bac; n ɖo I hd mî sspiśnz ɖt Lūpin wz lafñ, I aśurd Cumñz ɖt h hd onli run ǎt t opn ɖ dor t a frend h xpctd. Cumñz sd ɖs wz ɖ secnd tîm h hd bn leid p, n w hd nvr snt t inqîr. I sd I ń nʈñ abt it. Cumñz sd: “It wz mnśnd in ɖ Bîsicl Nyz.”

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I wś Msz Jemz wd’nt cm t ɖ hǎs. Ẃnvr ś dz ś olwz intṛdysz sm ny-fandangld rubiś intu Cári’z hed. Wn v ɖz dez I fīl śr I śl tel hr ś’z nt welcm. I am śr it wz Msz Jemz hu pt Cári p t raitñ on darc slet-culrd pepr wɖ ẃît ñc. Nonsns!

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I rout a not, seyñ w wr cmpeld t “dclîn hr cînd invteśn.” Cári ʈt ɖs vri s’tiricl, n t ɖ pônt.

Bî-ɖ-bî, I wl nvr ćūz anɖr cloʈpatn at nît. I ordrd a ny sūt v ditoz fr ɖ gardn at Edwdz’, n ćouz ɖ patn bî gaslît, n ɖe sīmd t b a qayt pepr-n-sōlt mixćr wɖ ẃît strîps dǎn. Ɖe cem hom ɖs mornñ, n, t mî horr, I faund it wz qt a flaś-lcñ sūt. Ɖr wz a lot v grīn wɖ brît yelo-culrd strîps.

I traid on ɖ cot, n wz anoid t fînd Cári giġlñ. Ś sd: “Ẃt mixćr dd y se y asct fr?”

I sd: “A qayt pepr n sōlt.”

Cári sd: “Wel, it lcs mor lîc musṭd, f y wont t nǒ ɖ truʈ.”

♠

⇑

ĆAPTR XIX

Mīt Tedi Finzwrʈ, an old scūlfelo. W hv a pleznt n qayt dinr at hiz uncl’z, mard onli bî a fy ōcẉd mstecs on mî part rspctñ Mr Finzwrʈ’s picćrz. A dscuśn on drīmz.

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In ɖ īvnñ, t mî s’prîz, h cōld wɖ a vri nîs letr fṛm Mr Finzwrʈ, seyñ f w (includñ Cári) wd dîn wɖ ɖm tmoro (Súnde), at tū o’cloc, h wd b dlîtd. Cári dd nt lîc t g; bt Tedi Finzwrʈ prest s so mć w cnsntd. Cári snt Sẹra rnd t ɖ bćr’z n cǎnṭmandd ǎr haf-leg v mutn, ẃć w hd ordrd fr tmoro.

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Mr Pōl Finzwrʈ sīmd qt a dstnḡśt-lcñ eldrli jntlmn, n wz most gaḷnt t Cári. Ɖr wr a gret mni wōtrculrz haññ on ɖ wōlz, mostli difṛnt vyz v India, ẃć wr vri brît. Mr Finzwrʈ sd ɖe wr pentd bî “Simps,” n add ɖt h wz no juj v picćrz himslf bt hd bn informd on gd oʈoṛti ɖt ɖe wr wrʈ sm hundṛdz v pǎndz, olɖo h hd onli peid a fy śilñz apis fr ɖm, fremz includd, at a seil in ɖ nebrhd.Ɖr wz olso a larj picćr in a vri hansm frem, dn in culrd creonz. It lct lîc a rlijs subjict. I wz vri mć struc wɖ ɖ lês colr, it lct so riyl, bt I unforćṇtli md ɖ rmarc ɖt ɖr wz smʈñ abt ɖ xpreśn v ɖ fes ɖt wz nt qt plizñ. It lct pinćt. Mr Finzwrʈ sorofli rplaid: “Yes, ɖ fes wz dn aftr deʈ – mî wîf’s sistr.”

I flt teṛbli ōcẉd n baud apoḷjeticli, n in a ẃispr sd I hopt I hd nt hrt hiz fīlñz. W bʈ std lcñ at ɖ picćr fr a fy minits in sîḷns, ẃn Mr Finzwrʈ tc ǎt a hanc̣ćif n sd: “Ś wz sitñ in ǎr gardn last sumr,” n blù hiz nǒz vayḷntli. H sīmd qt afctd, so I trnd t lc at smʈñ els n std in frunt v a portrit v a joli-lcñ midl-ejd jntlmn, wɖ a red fes n strw hat. I sd t Mr Finzwrʈ: “Hu z ɖs jovịl-lcñ jntlmn? Lîf dz’nt sīm t trubl him mć.” Mr Finzwrʈ sd: “No, it dz’nt. H z ded tù – mî bruɖr.”

I wz abṣlutli hoṛfaid at mî ǒn ōcẉdnis. Forćṇtli at ɖs momnt Cári entrd wɖ Msz Finzwrʈ, hu hd tecn hr upsterz t tec of hr bonit n bruś hr scrt. Tedi sd: “Śort z lêt,” bt at ɖt momnt ɖ jntlmn rfŕd t arîvd, n I wz intṛdyst t him bî Tedi, hu sd: “D y nǒ Mr Śort?” I rplaid, smîlñ, ɖt I hd nt ɖt pleźr, bt I hopt it wd nt b loñ bfr I ń Mr Śort. H evidntli dd nt si mî litl joc, olɖo I rpitd it twîs wɖ a litl laf. I sudnli rmembrd it wz Súnde, n Mr Śort wz phps vri ptiklr. In ɖs I wz mstecn, fr h wz nt at ol ptiklr in sevṛl v hiz rmarcs aftr dinr. In fact I wz so aśemd v wn v hiz obẓveśnz ɖt I tc ɖ oṗtyṇti t se t Msz Finzwrʈ ɖt I fird ś faund Mr Śort oceźṇli a litl imbaṛsñ. T mî s’prîz ś sd: “Ǒ! h z priṿlijd y nǒ.” I dd nt nǒ az a matr v fact, n so I baud apoḷjeticli. I fel t si ẃ Mr Śort śd b priṿlijd.

Anɖr ʈñ ɖt anoid m at dinr wz ɖt ɖ colidog, ẃć jumt p at Cári, wz alaud t rmen undr ɖ dînñrūm tebl. It cept grǎlñ n snapñ at mî būts evri tîm I muvd mî ft. Fīlñ nrṿs rɖr, I spouc t Msz Finzwrʈ abt ɖ animl, n ś rmarct: “It z onli hiz ple.” Ś jumt p n let in a frîtf̣li ugli-lcñ spańl cōld Bíbz, ẃć hd bn scraćñ at ɖ dor. Ɖs dog olso sīmd t tec a fansi t mî būts, n I dscuvrd aftwdz ɖt it hd lict of evri bit v blacñ fṛm ɖm. I wz poztivli aśemd v biyñ sìn in ɖm. Msz Finzwrʈ, hu, I mst se, z nt mć v a Jǒb’z cumf̣tr, sd: “Ǒ! w r yst t Bíbz dwñ ɖt t ǎr vizitrz.”

Mr Finzwrʈ hd p sm fîn port, olɖo I qsćn ẃɖr it z a gd ʈñ t tec on ɖ top v bir. It md m fīl a litl slīpi, ẃl it hd ɖ ifct v indysñ Mr Śort t bcm “priṿlijd” t rɖr an alarmñ xtnt. It biyñ cold īvn fr Epril, ɖr wz a fîr in ɖ drw̃rūm; w sat rnd in īzićerz, n Tedi n I waxt rɖr eḷqnt ovr ɖ old scūl dez, ẃć hd ɖ ifct v sndñ ol ɖ uɖrz t slīp. I wz dlîtd, az far az Mr Śort wz cnsrnd, ɖt it dd hv ɖt ifct on him.

W steid tl for, n ɖ wōc hom wz rmarcbl onli fr ɖ fact ɖt sevṛl fūlz gigld at ɖ unpoliśt stet v mî būts. Poliśt ɖm mslf ẃn I got hom. Wnt t ćrć in ɖ īvnñ, n cd scersli cīp awec. I wl nt tec port on ɖ top v bir agn.

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Gowñ n Cumñz hd dropt in jrñ ɖ īvnñ, n I sudnli rmembrd an xtrordnri drīm I hd a fy nîts ago, n I ʈt I wd tel ɖm abt it. I dremt I sw sm hyj blocs v îs in a śop wɖ a brît gler bhnd ɖm. I wōct intu ɖ śop n ɖ hīt wz oṿpǎrñ. I faund ɖt ɖ blocs v îs wr on fîr. Ɖ hol ʈñ wz so riyl n yt so sūṗnaćṛl I wouc p in a cold prsṗreśn. Lūpin in a most cntmćs manr, sd: “Ẃt utr rot.”Bfr I cd rplî, Gowñ sd ɖr wz nʈñ so cmplitli uninṭrestñ az uɖr ppl’z drīmz.

I apild t Cumñz, bt h sd h wz baund t agri wɖ ɖ uɖrz n mî drīm wz ispeṣ́li nonsnsicl. I sd: “It sīmd so riyl t m.” Gowñ rplaid: “Yes, t y phps, bt nt t s.” Ẃr’pn ɖe ol rord.

Cári, hu hd hiɖrtu bn qayt, sd: “H tlz m hiz stypid drīmz evri mornñ nirli.” I rplaid: “Vri wel, dir, I promis y I wl nvr tel y or enbdi els anɖr drīm v mîn ɖ longist de I liv.” Lūpin sd: “Hír! hír!” n hlpt himslf t anɖr glas v bir. Ɖ subjict wz forćṇtli ćenjd, n Cumñz réd a most inṭrestñ articl on ɖ s’pirioṛti v ɖ bîsicl t ɖ hors.

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Got bac rli t gv tîm t dres, ẃć w rsivd a teḷgram instructñ s t d. I wontd Cári t mīt m at Franćñ’z hǎs; bt ś wd nt d so, so I hd t g hom t feć hr. Ẃt a loñ jrni it z fṛm Hoḷwe t Pecm! Ẃ d ppl liv sć a loñ we of? Hvñ t ćenj ’busz, I alaud plenti v tîm – in fact, tù mć; fr w arîvd at twenti minits t sevn, n Franćñ, so ɖ srvnt sd, hd onli jst gn p t dres. Hvr, h wz dǎn az ɖ cloc struc sevn; h mst hv drest vri qcli.

I mst se it wz qt a dstnḡśt parti, n olɖo w dd nt nǒ enbdi prsṇli, ɖe ol sīmd t b qt swelz. Franćñ hd got a pṛfeśnl wêtr, n evidntli sperd no xpns. Ɖr wr flǎrz on ɖ tebl rnd sm fẹrilamps n ɖ ifct, I mst se, wz xqizit. Ɖ wîn wz gd n ɖr wz plenti v śampen, cnsrnñ ẃć Franćñ sd h himslf, nvr wśt t test betr. W wr ten in numbr, n a menû card t ć. Wn ledi sd ś olwz prizrvd ɖ menû n got ɖ gests t rait ɖer nemz on ɖ bac.

W ol v s foloud hr xampl, xpt Mr Hutl, hu wz v cors ɖ importnt gest.

Ɖ dinrparti cnsistd v Mr Franćñ, Mr Hardfr Hutl, Mr n Msz Saḿl Hilbútr, Msz Fīld, Mr n Msz Prdic, Mr Prát, Mr R. Cnt, n, last bt nt līst, Mr n Msz Ćarlz Pūtr. Franćñ sd h wz sori h hd no ledi fr m t tec in t dinr. I rplaid ɖt I prifŕd it, ẃć I aftwdz ʈt wz a vri uncompḷmntri obẓveśn t mc.

I sat nxt t Msz Fīld at dinr. Ś sīmd a wel-informd ledi, bt wz vri def. It dd nt mć matr, fr Mr Hardfr Hutl dd ol ɖ tōcñ. H z a marvḷsli inṭlecćl man n sz ʈñz ẃć fṛm uɖr ppl wd sīm qt alarmñ. Hǎ I wś I cd rmembr īvn a qortr v hiz briłnt convseśn. I md a fy litl rmîndñ nots on ɖ menû card.

Wn obẓveśn struc m az biyñ abṣlutli pǎrfl – ɖo nt t mî we v ʈncñ v cors. Msz Prdic hapnd t se “Y r srtnli unorʈ̇dox, Mr Hutl.” Mr Hutl, wɖ a pkłr xpreśn (I cn si it nǎ) sd in a slo rić vôs: “Msz Prdic, ‘orʈ̇dox’ z a grandiḷqnt wrd implayñ sticñ-in-ɖ-mud. F C’lumbs n Stīvnsn hd bn orʈ̇̇dox, ɖr wd nɖr hv bn ɖ dscuṿri v America nr ɖ stīm-enjin.” Ɖr wz qt a sîḷns. It apird t m ɖt sć tīćñ wz abṣlutli denjṛs, n yt I flt – in fact w mst ol hv flt – ɖr wz no ansr t ɖ arğmnt. A litl lêtr on, Msz Prdic, hu z Franćñ’z sistr n olso actd az hostes, rouz fṛm ɖ tebl, n Mr Hutl sd: “Ẃ, lediz, d y dprîv s v yr cumṗni so sn? Ẃ nt wêt ẃl w hv ǎr sgarz?”

Ɖ ifct wz ilectricl. Ɖ lediz (includñ Cári) wr in no we inclînd t b dprîvd v Mr Hutl’z faṣnetñ ssayti, n imīɉtli rzymd ɖer sīts, amd mć laftr n a litl ćaf. Mr Hutl sd: “Wel, ɖt’s a riyl gd sîn; y śl nt b insultd bî biyñ cōld orʈ̇dox eni longr.” Msz Prdic, hu sīmd t b a brît n rɖr śarp wmn, sd: “Mr Hutl, w wl mīt y hafwe – ɖt z, tl y gt hafwe ʈru yr sgar. Ɖt, at ol ivnts, wl b ɖ hapi mīdịm.”

I śl nvr fget ɖ ifct ɖ wrdz, “hapi mīdịm,” hd upn him. H wz briłnt n most dẹrñ in hiz intrpṛteśn v ɖ wrdz. H poztivli alarmd m. H sd smʈñ lîc ɖ folowñ: “Hapi mīdịm, indd. D y nǒ ‘hapi mīdịm’ r tū wrdz ẃć mīn ‘mizṛbl mīdiocṛti’? I se, g frst clas or ʈrd; mari a dućis or hr cićnmeid. Ɖ hapi mīdịm mīnz rspctbiḷti, n rspctbiḷti mīnz insipidnis. Dz it nt, Mr Pūtr?”

I wz so tecn abac bî biyñ prsṇli apild t, ɖt I cd onli bǎ apoḷjeticli, n se I fird I wz nt compitnt t ofr an opińn. Cári wz abt t se smʈñ; bt ś wz inṭruptd, fr ẃć I wz rɖr plizd, fr ś z nt clevr at arğmnt, n wn hz t b xtra clevr t dscus a subjict wɖ a man lîc Mr Hutl.

H cntinyd, wɖ an amezñ eḷqns ɖt md hiz unwelcm opińnz poztivli cnvinsñ: “Ɖ hapi mīdịm z nʈñ mor or les ɖn a vulgr haf-meźr. A man hu luvz śampen n, fîndñ a pînt tù litl, firz t fes a hol botl n hz rcors t an impirịl pînt, wl nvr bild a Brŭclin Brij or an Îfl Tǎr. No, h z haf-hartid, h z a haf-meźr – rspctbl – in fact, a hapi mīdịm, n wl spend ɖ rest v hiz dez in a sbrbn vila wɖ a stuco-coḷm portico, rzmḅlñ a for-post bedsted.”

W ol laft.

“Ɖt sort v ʈñ,” cntinyd Mr Hutl, “b’loñz t a soft man, wɖ a soft bird wɖ a soft hed, wɖ a md tî ɖt hcs on.”

Ɖs sīmd rɖr prsnl n twîs I còt mslf lcñ in ɖ glas v ɖ cheffonière; fr I hd on a tî ɖt hct on – n ẃ nt? F ɖz rmarcs wr nt prsnl ɖe wr rɖr cerlis, n so wr sm v hiz subsiqnt obẓveśnz, ẃć mst hv md bʈ Mr Franćñ n hiz gests rɖr uncumftbl. I d’nt ʈnc Mr Hutl mnt t b prsnl, fr h add; “W d’nt nǒ ɖt clas hir in ɖs cuntri: bt w d in America, n I’v no ys fr ɖm.”

Franćñ sevṛl tîmz sjstd ɖt ɖ wîn śd b pást rnd ɖ tebl, ẃć Mr Hutl dd nt hīd; bt cntinyd az f h wr gvñ a lecćr:

“Ẃt w wont in America z yr homz. W liv on ẃīlz. Yr simpl, qayt lîf n hom, Mr Franćñ, r ćarmñ. No dsple, no pritnśn! Y mc no difṛns in yr dinr, I der se, ẃn y sit dǎn bî yrslf n ẃn y invît s. Y hv yr ǒn prsnl atndnt – no hîrd wêtr t briɖ on ɖ bac v yr hed.”

I sw Franćñ palṗbli wins at ɖs.

Mr Hutl cntinyd: “Jst a smōl dinr wɖ a fy gd ʈñz, sć az y hv ɖs īvnñ. Y d’nt insult yr gests bî sndñ t ɖ grosr fr śampen at six śilñz a botl.”

I cd nt hlp ʈncñ v “Jacsn Frer” at ʈri-n-six!

“In fact,” sd Mr Hutl, “a man z litl les ɖn a mrdrr hu dz. Ɖt z ɖ provins v ɖ milcsop, hu wests hiz īvnñ at hom pleyñ doṃnoz wɖ hiz wîf. I’v hŕd v ɖz ppl. W d’nt wont ɖm at ɖs tebl. Ǎr parti z wel s’lectd. W’v no ys fr def old wimin, hu canot folo inṭlecćl convseśn.”

Ol ǎr îz wr trnd t Msz Fīld, hu forćṇtli, biyñ def, dd nt hír hiz rmarcs; bt cntinyd smîlñ apruvl.

“W hv no repriznttiv at Mr Franćñ’z tebl,” sd Mr Hutl, “v ɖ uninlîtnd frivḷs metṛn, hu gz t a secnd-clas dans at Bezwōtr n fansiz ś z in Ssayti. Ssayti dz nt nǒ hr; it hz no ys fr hr.”

Mr Hutl pōzd fr a momnt n ɖ oṗtyṇti wz afordd fr ɖ lediz t rîz. I asct Mr Franćñ qaytli t xkz m, az I dd nt wś t mis ɖ last tren, ẃć w vri nirli dd, bî-ɖ-bî, ʈru Cári hvñ msleid ɖ litl cloʈ cricitcap ẃć ś werz ẃn w g ǎt.

It wz vri lêt ẃn Cári n I got hom; bt on enṭrñ ɖ sitñrūm I sd: “Cári, ẃt d y ʈnc v Mr Hardfr Hutl?” Ś simpli ansrd: “Hǎ lîc Lūpin!” Ɖ sem îdīa ocŕd t m in ɖ tren. Ɖ cmparisn cept m awec haf ɖ nît. Mr Hutl wz, v cors, an oldr n mor influenśl man; bt h wz lîc Lūpin, n it md m ʈnc hǎ denjṛs Lūpin wd b f h wr oldr n mor influenśl. I fīl prǎd t ʈnc Lūpin dz rzmbl Mr Hutl in sm wez. Lūpin, lîc Mr Hutl, hz orijinl n smtmz wundrfl îdīaz; bt it z ɖoz îdīaz ɖt r so denjṛs. Ɖe mc men xtrimli rić or xtrimli pur. Ɖe mc or brec men. I olwz fīl ppl r hapịr hu liv a simpl unṣfisṭcetd lîf. I b’liv I am hapi bcz I am nt ambiśs. Smhǎ I fīl ɖt Lūpin, sins h hz bn wɖ Mr Prcup, hz bcm cntnt t setl dǎn n folo ɖ ftsteps v hiz faɖr. Ɖs z a cumf̣t.

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Ɖs mornñ I rsiv a letr fṛm Prcup, informñ m ɖt Lūpin’z srṿsz r no longr rqîrd, n an inṭvy wɖ m z dzîrd at ilevn o’cloc. I wnt dǎn t ɖ ofis wɖ an ecñ hart, dredñ an inṭvy wɖ Mr Prcup, wɖ hūm I hv nvr hd a wrd. I sw nʈñ v Lūpin in ɖ mornñ. H hd nt got p ẃn it wz tîm fr m t līv, n Cári sd I śd d no gd bî dstrbñ him. Mî mînd wondrd so at ɖ ofis ɖt I cd nt d mî wrc proprli.

Az I xpctd, I wz snt fr bî Mr Prcup, n ɖ folowñ convseśn insyd az nirli az I cn rmembr it.

Mr Prcup sd: “Gd mornñ, Mr Pūtr! Ɖs z a vri sirịs biznis. I am nt rfŕñ so mć t ɖ dsmisl v yr sun, fr I ń w śd hv t part snr or lêtr. I am ɖ hed v ɖs old, influenśl, n mć-rspctd frm; n ẃn I cnsidr ɖ tîm hz cm t reṿluśnîz ɖ biznis, I wl d it mslf.”

I cd si mî gd mastr wz smẃt afctd, n I sd: “I hop, sr, y d nt imajin ɖt I hv in eni we cǎntinnst mî sun’z unwoṛntbl inṭfiṛns?” Mr Prcup rouz fṛm hiz sīt n tc mî hand, n sd: “Mr Pūtr, I wd az sn sspct mslf az sspct y.” I wz so ajtetd ɖt in ɖ cnfyźn, t śo mî grattyd I vri nirli cōld him a “grand old man.”

Forćṇtli I ćect mslf in tîm, n sd h wz a “grand old mastr.” I wz so un’cǎntbl fr mî ax́nz ɖt I sat dǎn, līvñ him standñ. V cors, I at wns rouz, bt Mr Prcup bád m sit dǎn, ẃć I wz vri plizd t d. Mr Prcup, rzymñ, sd: “Y wl unḍstand, Mr Pūtr, ɖt ɖ hî-standñ nećr v ǎr frm wl nt admit v ǎr bndñ t enbdi. F Mr Croḅlón ćuzz t pt hiz wrc intu uɖr handz – I me ad, les xpirịnst handz – it z nt fr s t bnd n beg bac hiz custm.” “Y śl nt d it, sr,” I sd wɖ inḍgneśn. “Xacli,” rplaid Mr Prcup; “I śl nt d it. Bt I wz ʈncñ ɖs, Mr Pūtr. Mr Croḅlón z ǎr most valyd claynt, n I wl īvn cnfes – fr I nǒ ɖs wl nt g bynd ǎrslvz – ɖt w canot aford vri wel t lūz him, ispeṣ́li in ɖz tîmz, ẃć r nt v ɖ brîtist. Nǎ, I fansi y cn b v srvis.”

I rplaid: “Mr Prcup, I wl wrc de n nît t srv y!”

Mr Prcup sd: “I nǒ y wl. Nǎ, ẃt I śd lîc y t d z ɖs. Y yrslf mt rait t Mr Croḅlón – y mst nt, v cors, līd him t s’poz I nǒ enʈñ abt yr dwñ so – n xplen t him ɖt yr sun wz onli tecn on az a clarc – qt an inixpirịnst wn in fact – ǎt v ɖ rspct ɖ frm hd fr y, Mr Pūtr. Ɖs z, v cors, a fact. I d’nt sjst ɖt y śd spīc in tù stroñ trmz v yr ǒn sun’z conduct; bt I me ad, ɖt hd h bn a sun v mîn, I śd hv cndemd hiz inṭfiṛns wɖ no meźrd trmz. Ɖt I līv t y. I ʈnc ɖ rzult wl b ɖt Mr Croḅlón wl si ɖ fors v ɖ fūliś step h hz tecn, n ǎr frm wl nɖr sufr in digṇti nr in pocit.”

I cd nt hlp ʈncñ ẃt a nobl jntlmn Mr Prcup z. Hiz manrz n hiz we v spīcñ sīm t olmst ʈril wn wɖ rspct.

I sd: “Wd y lîc t si ɖ letr bfr I snd it?”

Mr Prcup sd: “Ǒ no! I hd betr nt. I am s’pozd t nǒ nʈñ abt it, n I hv evri confidns in y. Y mst rait ɖ letr cerf̣li. W r nt vri bizi; y hd betr tec ɖ mornñ tmoro, or ɖ hol de f y lîc. I śl b hir mslf ol de tmoro, in fact ol ɖ wīc, in ces Mr Croḅlón śd cōl.”

I wnt hom a litl mor ćirfl, bt I left wrd wɖ Sẹra ɖt I cd nt si îɖr Gowñ or Cumñz, nr in fact enbdi, f ɖe cōld in ɖ īvnñ. Lūpin cem intu ɖ parlr fr a momnt wɖ a ny hat on, n asct mî opińn v it. I sd I wz nt in ɖ mūd t juj v hats, n I dd nt ʈnc h wz in a pziśn t bai a ny wn. Lūpin rplaid cerlisli: “I dd’nt bai it; it wz a preznt.”

I hv sć teṛbl sspiśnz v Lūpin nǎ ɖt I scersli lîc t asc him qsćnz, az I dred ɖ ansrz so. H, hvr, sevd m ɖ trubl.

H sd: “I met a frend, an old frend, ɖt I dd nt qt ʈnc a frend at ɖ tîm; bt it’s ol rît. Az h wîzli sd, ‘ol z fer in luv n wor,’ n ɖr wz no rīzn ẃ w śd nt b frendz stl. H’z a joli, gd, ol-rnd sort v felo, n a vri difṛnt stamp fṛm ɖt infletd fūl v a Prcup.”

I sd: “Huś, Lūpin! D nt pre ad insult t inɉri.”

Lūpin sd: “Ẃt d y mīn bî inɉri? I rpit, I hv dn no inɉri. Croḅlón z simpli tîrd v a stagnnt stic-in-ɖ-mud frm, n md ɖ ćenj on hiz ǒn acǎnt. I simpli rec̣mndd ɖ ny frm az a matr v biz – gd old biz!”

I sd qaytli: “I d’nt unḍstand yr slañ, n at mî tîm v lîf hv no dzîr t lrn it; so, Lūpin, mî bô, let s ćenj ɖ subjict. I wl, f it plīz y, trî n b inṭrestd in yr ny hat advnćr.”

Lūpin sd: “Ǒ! ɖr’z nʈñ mć abt it, xpt I hv nt wns sìn him sins hiz marij, n h sd h wz vri plizd t si m, n hopt w śd b frendz. I std a drinc t s’mnt ɖ frendśp, n h std m a ny hat – wn v hiz ǒn.”

I sd rɖr wiṛli: “Bt y hv nt tld m yr old frend’z nem?”

Lūpin sd, wɖ afctd cerlisnis: “Ǒ dd’nt I? Wel, I wl. It wz Muri Poś.”

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Lūpin wnt ǎt, seyñ h wz gwñ t lunć wɖ Muri Poś in ɖ Siti. I sd I hopt Mr Poś wd pṛvîd him wɖ a bŕʈ. Lūpin wnt ǎt lafñ, seyñ: “I d’nt mînd wẹrñ Poś’z wn-prîst hats, bt I am nt gwñ t sel ɖm.” Pur bô, I fir h z prf̣cli hoplis.

It tc m nirli ɖ hol de t rait t Mr Croḅlón. Wns or twîs I asct Cári fr sjsćnz; n olɖo it sīmz ungretfl, hr sjsćnz wr nn v ɖm t ɖ pônt, ẃl wn or tū wr abṣlutli idiotic. V cors I dd nt tel hr so. I got ɖ letr of, n tc it dǎn t ɖ ofis fr Mr Prcup t si, bt h agn rpitd ɖt h cd trust m.

Gowñ cōld in ɖ īvnñ, n I wz oblîjd t tel him abt Lūpin n Mr Prcup; n, t mî s’prîz, h wz qt inclînd t sîd wɖ Lūpin. Cári jônd in, n sd ś ʈt I wz tecñ mć tù meḷnc̣li a vy v it. Gowñ pṛdyst a pînt samplbotl v Mdira, ẃć hd bn gvn him, ẃć h sd wd gt rid v ɖ bluz. I der se it wd hv dn so f ɖr hd bn mor v it; bt az Gowñ hlpt himslf t ʈri glasz, it dd nt līv mć fr Cári n m t gt rid v ɖ bluz wɖ.

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Hiz letr wz: “Sr, – I toṭli dis’gri wɖ y. Yr sun, in ɖ cors v fîv minits’ convseśn, dspleid mor intelijns ɖn yr frm hz dn jrñ ɖ last fîv yirz. – Yrz feʈf̣li, Gilḅt E. Giḷm O. Croḅlón.”Ẃt am I t d? Hir z a letr ɖt I der nt śo t Mr Prcup, n wd nt śo t Lūpin fr enʈñ. Ɖ crîsis hd yt t cm; fr Lūpin arîvd, n, oṗnñ hiz letr, śoud a ćéc fr £25 az a cmiśn fr ɖ rec̣mndeśn v Mr Croḅlón, huz custm t Mr Prcup z evidntli lost fr evr. Cumñz n Gowñ bʈ cōld, n bʈ tc Lūpin’z part. Cumñz wnt so far az t se ɖt Lūpin wd mc a nem yt. I s’poz I wz meḷnc̣li, fr I cd onli asc: “Yes, bt ẃt sort v a nem?”

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T mî amezmnt, I réd ɖt Gilṭsn n Sunz hd abṣlutli ingejd Lūpin at a saḷri v £200 a yir, wɖ uɖr advantjz. I réd ɖ letr ʈru ʈri tîmz n ʈt it mst hv bn fr m. Bt ɖr it wz – Lūpin Pūtr – plen inuf. I wz sîḷnt. Lūpin sd: “Ẃt prîs Prcup nǎ? Y tec mî tip, Guv. – ‘of’ wɖ Prcup n frīz on t Gilṭsn, ɖ frm v ɖ fyćr! Prcup’s frm? Ɖ stagnnt dumiz hv bn standñ stl fr yirz, n nǎ r muvñ bac. I wont t g on. In fact I mst g of, az I am dînñ wɖ ɖ Muri Pośz tnît.”In ɖ xybṛns v hiz spirits h hit hiz hat wɖ hiz stic, gev a lǎd wor “Ẃūūūp,” jumt ovr a ćer, n tc ɖ liḅti v rumṗlñ mî her ol ovr mî fōrhed, n bǎnst ǎt v ɖ rūm, gvñ m no ćans v rmîndñ him v hiz ej n ɖ rspct ẃć wz dy t hiz peṛnt. Gowñ n Cumñz cem in ɖ īvnñ, n poztivli ćird m p wɖ cngrać̣leśnz rspctñ Lūpin.

Gowñ sd: “I olwz sd h wd gt on, n, tec mî wrd, h hz mor in hiz hed ɖn w ʈri pt tgɖr.”

Cári sd: “H z a secnd Hardfr Hutl.”

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Tū or ʈri tîmz h cem p t m n dlibṛtli cict mî śinz. H hrt m wns so mć ɖt ɖ tirz cem intu mî îz. I jntli remnstretd wɖ him, n Msz Jemz sd: “Plīz d’nt scold him; I d nt b’liv in biyñ tù svir wɖ yuñ ćildṛn. Y spôl ɖer caṛctr.”Litl Prsi set p a def̣nñ yel hir, n ẃn Cári traid t paṣfî him, h slapt hr fes.

I wz so anoid, I sd: “Ɖt z nt mî îdīa v brññ p ćildṛn, Msz Jemz.”

Msz Jemz sd. “Ppl hv difṛnt îdīaz v brññ p ćildṛn – īvn yr sun Lūpin z nt ɖ standd v pfx́n.”

A Mr Metsīni (an Itałn, I fansi) hir tc Prsi in hiz lap. Ɖ ćîld rigld n cict n brouc awe fṛm Mr Metsīni, seyñ: “I d’nt lîc y – y’v got a drti fes.”

A vri nîs jntlmn, Mr Brcs Spūnr, tc ɖ ćîld bî ɖ rist n sd: “Cm hir, dir, n lisn t ɖs.”

H dtaćt hiz cṛnomitr fṛm ɖ ćen n md hiz woć strîc six.

T ǎr horr, ɖ ćîld snaćt it fṛm hiz hand n bǎnst it dǎn upn ɖ grǎnd lîc wn wd a bōl.

Mr Brcs Spūnr wz most emịbl, n sd h cd īẓli gt a ny glas pt in, n dd nt s’poz ɖ wrcs wr damijd.

T śo y hǎ ppl’z opińnz difr, Cári sd ɖ ćîld wz bad-tmprd, bt it md p fr ɖt dīfect bî its lcs, fr it wz – in hr mînd – an unqsćṇbli bytifl ćîld.

I me b roñ, bt I d nt ʈnc I hv sìn a mć uglịr ćîld mslf. Ɖt z mî opińn.

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Cári sd: “So d I, dir; bt az fr yirz I hv hd t pt p wɖ Mr Gowñ, hu z vulgr, n Mr Cumñz, hu z cînd bt most uninṭrestñ, I am śr, dir, y w’nt mînd ɖ oceźnl vizits v Msz Jemz, hu hz mor inṭlect in hr litl fngr ɖn bʈ yr frendz hv in ɖer intîr bodiz.”I wz so intîrli tecn bac bî ɖs onslōt on mî tū dir old frendz, I cd se nʈñ, n az I hŕd ɖ ’bus cmñ, I left wɖ a hurid cis – a litl tù hurid, phps, fr mî upr lip cem in contact wɖ Cári’z tīʈ, ẃć slîtli cut it. It wz qt penfl fr an aur aftwdz. Ẃn I cem hom in ɖ īvnñ I faund Cári berid in a bc on Spirić̣lizm, cōld Ɖr z no Brʈ, bî Floṛns Snglyét. I nīd scersli se ɖ bc wz snt hr t rīd bî Msz Jemz, v Sutn. Az ś hd nt a wrd t se ǎtsd hr bc, I spent ɖ rest v ɖ īvnñ olṭrñ ɖ stercarpits, ẃć r bginñ t śo sînz v wer at ɖ éjz.

Msz Jemz arîvd n, az yźl, in ɖ īvnñ tc ɖ intîr manijmnt v evrʈñ. Fîndñ ɖt ś n Cári wr mcñ sm preṗreśnz fr tebltrnñ, I ʈt it tîm riyli t pt mî ft dǎn. I hv olwz hd ɖ gretist cntmt fr sć nonsns, n pt an end t it yirz ago ẃn Cári, at ǎr old hǎs, yst t hv Seãsz evri nît wɖ pur Msz Fustrz (hu z nǎ ded). F I cd si eni ys in it, I wd nt cer. Az I stopt it in ɖ dez gn bî, I dtrmind t d so nǎ.

I sd: “I am vri sori Msz Jemz, bt I toṭli dis’pruv v it, apart fṛm ɖ fact ɖt I rsiv mî old frendz on ɖs īvnñ.”

Msz Jemz sd: “D y mīn t se y hv’nt réd Ɖr z no Brʈ?” I sd: “No, n I hv no intnśn v dwñ so.” Msz Jemz sīmd s’prîzd n sd: “Ol ɖ wrld z gwñ mad ovr ɖ bc.” I rspondd rɖr clevrli: “Let it. Ɖr wl b wn sen man in it, at ol ivnts.”

Msz Jemz sd ś ʈt it wz vri uncînd, n f ppl wr ol az preɉdist az I wz, ɖr wd nvr hv bn ɖ ilectric teḷgraf or ɖ teḷfon.

I sd ɖt wz qt a difṛnt ʈñ.

Msz Jemz sd śarpli: “In ẃt we, pre – in ẃt we?”

I sd: “In mni wez.”

Msz Jemz sd: “Wel, mnśn wn we.”

I rplaid qaytli: “Pardn m, Msz Jemz; I dclîn t dscus ɖ matr. I am nt inṭrestd in it.”

Sẹra at ɖs momnt opnd ɖ dor n śoud in Cumñz, fr ẃć I wz ʈancfl, fr I flt it wd pt a stop t ɖs fūliś tebltrnñ. Bt I wz intîrli mstecn; fr, on ɖ subjict biyñ opnd agn, Cumñz sd h wz most inṭrestd in Spirić̣lizm, olɖo h wz baund t cnfes h dd nt b’liv mć in it; stl, h wz wilñ t b cnvinst.

I frmli dclînd t tec eni part in it, wɖ ɖ rzult ɖt mî prezns wz ignord. I left ɖ ʈri sitñ in ɖ parlr at a smōl rnd tebl ẃć ɖe hd tecn ǎt v ɖ drw̃rūm. I wōct intu ɖ hōl wɖ ɖ ultiṃt intnśn v tecñ a litl strol. Az I opnd ɖ dor, hu śd cm in bt Gowñ!

On hírñ ẃt wz gwñ on, h pṛpozd ɖt w śd jôn ɖ srcl n h wd g intu a trans. H add ɖt h ń a fy ʈñz abt old Cumñz, n wd invnt a fy abt Msz Jemz. Nwñ hǎ denjṛs Gowñ z, I dclînd t let him tec part in eni sć fūliś pformns. Sẹra asct m f ś cd g ǎt fr haf an aur, n I gev hr pmiśn, ʈncñ it wd b mor cumftbl t sit wɖ Gowñ in ɖ cićn ɖn in ɖ cold drw̃rūm. W tōct a gd dīl abt Lūpin n Mr n Msz Muri Poś, wɖ hūm h z az yźl spendñ ɖ īvnñ. Gowñ sd: “I se, it wd’nt b a bad ʈñ fr Lūpin f old Poś cict ɖ bucit.”

Mî hart gev a līp v horr, n I rbyct Gowñ vri strnli fr jocñ on sć a subjict. I le awec haf ɖ nît ʈncñ v it – ɖ uɖr haf wz spent in nîtmerz on ɖ sem subjict.

Mor tebltrnñ in ɖ īvnñ. Cári sd last nît wz in a meźr s’xesfl, n ɖe òt t sit agn. Cumñz cem in, n sīmd inṭrestd. I hd ɖ gas lîtd in ɖ drw̃rūm, got ɖ steps, n rperd ɖ cornis, ẃć hz bn a bit v an îsor t m. In a fit v unʈncñnis – f I me yz sć an xpreśn, – I gev ɖ flor ovr ɖ parlr, ẃr ɖ seãs wz tecñ ples, tū lǎd raps wɖ ɖ hamr. I flt sori aftwdz, fr it wz ɖ sort v r’dikḷs, fūlhardi ʈñ ɖt Gowñ or Lūpin wd hv dn.

Hvr, ɖe nvr īvn rfŕd t it, bt Cári dclerd ɖt a mesij cem ʈru ɖ tebl t hr v a wundrfl dscripśn, cnsrnñ smwn hūm ś n I ń yirz ago, n hu wz qt uņoun t ɖ uɖrz.

Ẃn w wnt t bed, Cári asct m az a fevr t sit tmoro nît, t oblîj hr. Ś sd it sīmd rɖr uncînd n unsoṣ́bl on mî part. I promist I wd sit wns.

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In ɖ īvnñ w hd anɖr seãs, ẃć, in sm rspcts, wz vri rmarcbl, olɖo ɖ frst part v it wz a litl dǎtfl. Gowñ cōld, az wel az Cumñz, n begd t b alaud t jôn ɖ srcl. I wontd t objct, bt Msz Jemz, hu apirz a gd Mīdịm (ɖt z, f ɖr z enʈñ in it at ol), ʈt ɖr mt b a litl mor spirit pǎr f Gowñ jônd; so ɖ fîv v s sat dǎn.Ɖ momnt I trnd ǎt ɖ gas, n olmst bfr I cd gt mî handz on ɖ tebl, it roct vayḷntli n tiltd, n bgan muvñ qcli acrs ɖ rūm. Gowñ śǎtd ǎt: “We ǒ! stedi, lad, stedi!” I tld Gowñ f h cd nt bhev himslf I śd lît ɖ gas, n pt an end t ɖ seãs.

T tel ɖ truʈ, I ʈt Gowñ wz pleyñ trics, n I hintd az mć; bt Msz Jemz sd ś hd ofn sìn ɖ tebl g rît of ɖ grǎnd. Ɖ spirit Līna cem agn, n sd, “WORN” ʈri or for tîmz, n dclînd t xplen. Msz Jemz sd “Līna” wz stubn smtmz. Ś ofn bhevd lîc ɖt, n ɖ bst ʈñ t d wz t snd hr awe.

Ś ɖen hit ɖ tebl śarpli, n sd: “G awe, Līna; y r dis’griybl. G awe!” I śd ʈnc w sat nirli ʈri-qortrz v an aur wɖ nʈñ haṗnñ. Mî handz flt qt cold, n I sjstd w śd stop ɖ seãs. Cári n Msz Jemz, az wel az Cumñz, wd nt agri t it. In abt ten minits’ tîm ɖr wz sm tiltñ twdz m. I gev ɖ alf̣bét, n it spelt ǎt S P Ū F. Az I hv hŕd bʈ Gowñ n Lūpin yz ɖ wrd, n az I cd hír Gowñ sîḷntli lafñ, I d’recli akzd him v pśñ ɖ tebl. H dnaid it; bt, I rgret t se, I dd nt b’liv him.

Gowñ sd: “Phps it mīnz ‘Spūc,’ a gost.”

I sd: “Y nǒ it dz’nt mīn enʈñ v ɖ sort.”

Gowñ sd: “Ǒ! vri wel – I’m sori I ‘spūc,’” n h rouz fṛm ɖ tebl.

Nwn tc eni notis v ɖ stypid joc, n Msz Jemz sjstd h śd sit ǎt fr a ẃl. Gowñ cnsntd n sat in ɖ armćer.

Ɖ tebl bgan t muv agn, n w mt hv hd a wundrfl seãs bt fr Gowñ’z stypid inṭrupśnz. In ansr t ɖ alf̣bét fṛm Cári ɖ tebl spelt “NIPŪL,” ɖen ɖ “WORN” ʈri tîmz. W cd nt ʈnc ẃt it mnt tl Cumñz pôntd ǎt ɖt “NIPŪL” wz Lūpin spelt bcwdz. Ɖs wz qt xîtñ. Cári wz ptiklrli xîtd, n sd ś hopt nʈñ hoṛbl wz gwñ t hapn.

Msz Jemz asct f “Līna” wz ɖ spirit. Ɖ tebl rplaid frmli, “No,” n ɖ spirit wd nt gv hiz or hr nem. W ɖen hd ɖ mesij, “NIPŪL wl b vri rić.”

Cári sd ś flt qt rlivd, bt ɖ wrd “WORN” wz agn spelt ǎt. Ɖ tebl ɖen bgan t oṣlet vayḷntli, n in rplî t Msz Jemz, hu spouc vri softli t ɖ tebl, ɖ spirit bgan t spel its nem. It frst spelt “DRINC.”

Gowñ hir sd: “Ā! ɖt’s mor in mî lîn.”

I asct him t b qayt az ɖ nem mt nt b cmplitd.

Ɖ tebl ɖen spelt “WŌTR.”

Gowñ hir inṭruptd agn, n sd: “Ā! ɖt’s nt in mî lîn. Ǎtsd f y lîc, bt nt insd.”

Cári apild t him t b qayt.

Ɖ tebl ɖen spelt “CAPTIN,” n Msz Jemz startld s bî crayñ ǎt, “Captin Drincwōtr, a vri old frend v mî faɖr’z, hu hz bn ded sm yirz.”

Ɖs wz mor inṭrestñ, n I cd nt hlp ʈncñ ɖt aftr ol ɖr mst b smʈñ in Spirić̣lizm.

Msz Jemz asct ɖ spirit t intrprit ɖ mīnñ v ɖ wrd “Worn” az aplaid t “NIPŪL.” Ɖ alf̣bét wz gvn agn, n w got ɖ wrd “BOŚ.”

Gowñ hir mutrd: “So it z.”

Msz Jemz sd ś dd nt ʈnc ɖ spirit mnt ɖt, az Captin Drincwōtr wz a prfict jntlmn, n wd nvr hv yzd ɖ wrd in ansr t a ledi’z qsćn. Acordñli ɖ alf̣bét wz gvn agn.

Ɖs tîm ɖ tebl spelt dstñtli “POŚ.” W ol ʈt v Msz Muri Poś n Lūpin. Cári wz gtñ a litl dstrest, n az it wz gtñ lêt w brouc p ɖ srcl.

W arenjd t hv wn mor tmoro, az it wl b Msz Jemz’ last nît in tǎn. W olso dtrmind nt t hv Gowñ preznt.

Cumñz, bfr līvñ, sd it wz srtnli inṭrestñ, bt h wśt ɖ spirits wd se smʈñ abt him.

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Jst az w sat dǎn at ɖ tebl w wr anoid bî Gowñ enṭrñ wɖt nocñ.

H sd: “I am nt gwñ t stop, bt I hv bròt wɖ m a sìld enṿlop, ẃć I nǒ I cn trust wɖ Msz Pūtr. In ɖt sìld enṿlop z a strip v pepr on ẃć I hv asct a simpl qsćn. F ɖ spirits cn ansr ɖt qsćn, I wl b’liv in Spirić̣lizm.”

I vnćrd ɖ xpreśn ɖt it mt b imposbl.

Msz Jemz sd: “Ǒ no! it z v comn ocuṛns fr ɖ spirits t ansr qsćnz undr sć cndiśnz – n īvn fr ɖm t rait on loct slets. It z qt wrʈ trayñ. F ‘Līna’ z in a gd tmpr, ś z srtn t d it.”

Gowñ sd: “Ol rît; ɖen I śl b a frm b’livr. I śl phps drop in abt haf-past nîn or ten, n hír ɖ rzult.”

H ɖen left n w sat a loñ tîm. Cumñz wontd t nǒ smʈñ abt sm unḍtecñ in ẃć h wz cnsrnd, bt h cd gt no ansr v eni dscripśn ẃtvr – at ẃć h sd h wz vri dis’pôntd n wz afreid ɖr wz nt mć in tebltrnñ aftr ol. I ʈt ɖs rɖr slfiś v him. Ɖ seãs wz vri similr t ɖ wn last nît, olmst ɖ sem in fact. So w trnd t ɖ letr. “Līna” tc a loñ tîm anṣrñ ɖ qsćn, bt ivnć̣li spelt ǎt “ROZZ, LILIZ, N CǍZ.” Ɖr wz gret rocñ v ɖ tebl at ɖs tîm, n Msz Jemz sd: “F ɖt z Captin Drincwōtr, let s asc him ɖ ansr az wel?”

It wz ɖ spirit v ɖ Captin, n, most snğlr, h gev ɖ sem îdnticl ansr: “ROZZ, LILIZ, N CǍZ.”

I canot dscrîb ɖ ajteśn wɖ ẃć Cári brouc ɖ sìl, or ɖ dis’pôntmnt w flt on rīdñ ɖ qsćn, t ẃć ɖ ansr wz so in’proprịt. Ɖ qsćn wz, “Ẃt’s old Pūtr’z ej?”

Ɖs qt dsîdd m.

Az I hd pt mî ft dǎn on Spirić̣lizm yirz ago, so I wd agn.

I am priti īzi-gwñ az a rūl, bt I cn b xtrimli frm ẃn drivn t it.

I sd slǒli, az I trnd p ɖ gas: “Ɖs z ɖ last v ɖs nonsns ɖt śl evr tec ples undr mî rūf. I rgret I pmitd mslf t b a parti t sć tomfūḷri. F ɖr z enʈñ in it – ẃć I dǎt – it z nʈñ v eni gd, n I w’nt hv it agn. Ɖt z inuf.”

Msz Jemz sd: “I ʈnc, Mr Pūtr, y r rɖr oṿstepñ – ”

I sd: “Huś, madm. I am mastr v ɖs hǎs – plīz unḍstand ɖt.”

Msz Jemz md an obẓveśn ẃć I snsirli hop I wz mstecn in. I wz in sć a rej I cd nt qt cać ẃt ś sd. Bt f I ʈt ś sd ẃt it sǎndd lîc, ś śd nvr entr ɖ hǎs agn.

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W r sori t lūz him, bt phps h wl gt on betr bî himslf, n ɖr me b sm truʈ in hiz rmarc ɖt an old n a yuñ hors c’nt pl tgɖr in ɖ sem cart.

Gowñ cōld, n sd ɖt ɖ hǎs sīmd qt pīsfl, n lîc old tîmz. H lîct Mastr Lūpin vri wel, bt h oceźṇli sufrd fṛm ẃt h cd nt hlp – yʈ.

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W ol sd w wr vri sori, n prest Cumñz t ste t supr. Cumñz sd it wz lîc old tîmz biyñ wɖt Lūpin, n h wz mć betr awe.

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Sẹra cem p, n sd it wz Msz Muri Poś n Mr Lūpin.Ɖs wz qt a rlif. I wnt dǎn wɖ Cári, n Lūpin met m wɖ ɖ rmarc: “I se, ẃt dd y run awe fṛm ɖ windo fr? Dd w frîtn y?”

I fūliśli sd: “Ẃt windo?”

Lūpin sd: “Ǒ, y nǒ. Śut it. Y lct az f y wr pleyñ at Punć n Jūdi.”

On Cári ascñ f ś cd ofr ɖm enʈñ, Lūpin sd: “Ǒ, I ʈnc Deizi wl tec on a cup v ti. I cn d wɖ a B. n S.”

I sd: “I am afreid w hv no soda.”

Lūpin sd: “D’nt boɖr abt ɖt. Y jst trip ǎt n hold ɖ hors; I d’nt ʈnc Sẹra unḍstandz it.”

Ɖe steid a vri śort tîm, n az ɖe wr līvñ, Lūpin sd: “I wont y bʈ t cm n dîn wɖ m nxt Wenzde, n si mî ny ples. Mr n Msz Muri Poś, Mis Poś (Muri’z sistr) r cmñ. Et o’cloc śarp. Nwn els.”

I sd w dd nt pritnd t b faśṇbl ppl, n wd lîc ɖ dinr rlịr, az it md it so lêt bfr w got hom.

Lūpin sd: “Rats! Y mst gt yst t it. F it cmz t ɖt, Deizi n I cn drîv y hom.”

W promist t g; bt I mst se in mî simpl mînd ɖ fmiłr we in ẃć Msz Poś n Lūpin adrest ć uɖr z reprihnsbl. Enbdi wd ʈnc ɖe hd bn ćildṛn tgɖr. I srtnli śd objct t a six munʈs’ aqentns cōlñ mî wîf “Cári,” n drîvñ ǎt wɖ hr.

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W wr intṛdyst t Mis Poś, hūm Lūpin cōld “Líli Grl,” az f h hd noun hr ol hiz lîf. Ś wz vri tōl, rɖr plen, n I ʈt ś wz a litl pentd rnd ɖ îz. I hop I am roñ; bt ś hd sć fer her, n yt hr îbrǎz wr blac. Ś lct abt ʈrti. I dd nt lîc ɖ we ś cept giġlñ n gvñ Lūpin smacs n pinćñ him. Ɖen hr laf wz a sort v a scrīm ɖt wnt rît ʈru mî irz, ol ɖ mor iṛtetñ bcz ɖr wz nʈñ t laf at. In fact, Cári n I wr nt at ol prīṗzest wɖ hr. Ɖe ol smoct siġréts aftr dinr, includñ Mis Poś, hu startld Cári bî seyñ: “D’nt y smoc, dir?” I ansrd fr Cári, n sd: “Msz Ćarlz Pūtr hz nt arîvd at it yt,” ẃr’pn Mis Poś gev wn v hr pirsñ lafs agn.

Msz Poś sañ a duzn soñz at līst, n I cn onli rpit ẃt I hv sd bfr – ś dz nt sñ in tyn; bt Lūpin sat bî ɖ sîd v ɖ piano, gezñ intu hr îz ɖ hol tîm. F I hd bn Mr Poś, I ʈnc I śd hv hd smʈñ t se abt it. Mr Poś md himslf vri agriybl t s, n ivnć̣li snt s hom in hiz carij, ẃć I ʈt most cînd. H z evidntli vri rić, fr Msz Poś hd on sm bytifl juwlri. Ś tld Cári hr necḷs, ẃć hr huzbnd gev hr az a brʈde preznt, alon cost £300.

Mr Poś sd h hd a gret b’lif in Lūpin, n ʈt h wd mc rapid we in ɖ wrld.

I cd nt hlp ʈncñ v ɖ £600 Mr Poś lost ovr ɖ Paṛćica Clōrets ʈru Lūpin’z advîs.

Jrñ ɖ īvnñ I hd an oṗtyṇti t spīc t Lūpin, n xprest a hop ɖt Mr Poś wz nt livñ bynd hiz mīnz.

Lūpin snird, n sd Mr Poś wz wrʈ ʈǎzndz. “Poś’z wn-prîs hat” wz a hǎsholdwrd in Brmñm, Manćestr, Liṿpul, n ol ɖ big tǎnz ʈrt Ñgḷnd. Lūpin frɖr informd m ɖt Mr Poś wz oṗnñ branć-istabliśmnts at Ny Yorc, Sidni, n Melbōrn, n wz ngośietñ fr Cimḅli n Jhaṇzbrg.

I sd I wz plizd t hír it.

Lūpin sd: “Ẃ, h hz setld ovr £10,000 on Deizi, n ɖ sem amǎnt on ‘Líli Grl.’ F at eni tîm I wontd a litl capitl, h wd pt p a cupl v ‘ɖǎ’ at a de’z notis, n cd bai p Prcup’s frm ovr hiz hed at eni momnt wɖ redi caś.”

On ɖ we hom in ɖ carij, fr ɖ frst tîm in mî lîf, I wz inclînd t indulj in ɖ radicl ʈt ɖt muni wz nt proprli dvîdd.

On arîvñ hom at a qortr-past ilevn, w faund a hansmcab, ẃć hd bn wêtñ fr m fr tū aurz wɖ a letr. Sẹra sd ś dd nt nǒ ẃt t d, az w hd nt left ɖ adres ẃr w hd gn. I trembld az I opnd ɖ letr, firñ it wz sm bad nyz abt Mr Prcup. Ɖ not wz: “Dir Mr Pūtr, – Cm dǎn t ɖ Victoria Hotel wɖt dle. Importnt. Yrz trūli, Hardfr Hutl.”

I asct ɖ cabmn f it wz tù lêt. Ɖ cabmn rplaid ɖt it wz nt; fr hiz instrux́nz wr, f I hapnd t b ǎt, h wz t wêt tl I cem hom. I flt vri tîrd, n riyli wontd t g t bed. I rīćt ɖ hotel at a qortr bfr midnît. I apoḷjîzd fr biyñ so lêt, bt Mr Hutl sd: “Nt at ol; cm n hv a fy ôstrz.” I fīl mî hart bìtñ az I rait ɖz wrdz. T b brīf, Mr Hutl sd h hd a rić Americn frend hu wontd t d smʈñ larj in ǎr lîn v biznis, n ɖt Mr Franćñ hd mnśnd mî nem t him. W tōct ovr ɖ matr. F, bî eni hapi ćans, ɖ rzult b s’xesfl, I cn mor ɖn compnset mî dir mastr fr ɖ los v Mr Croḅlón’z custm. Mr Hutl hd prīvịsli sd: “Ɖ glorịs ‘Forʈ’ z a luci de fr America, n, az it hz nt yt struc twelv, w wl seḷbret it wɖ a glas v ɖ bst wîn t b hd in ɖ ples, n drinc gd luc t ǎr bit v biznis.”

I frvntli hop it wl brñ gd luc t s ol.

It wz tū o’cloc ẃn I got hom. Olɖo I wz so tîrd, I cd nt slīp xpt fr śort inṭvlz – ɖen onli t drīm.

I cept drīmñ v Mr Prcup n Mr Hutl. Ɖ latr wz in a luvli palis wɖ a crǎn on. Mr Prcup wz wêtñ in ɖ rūm. Mr Hutl cept tecñ of ɖs crǎn n handñ it t m, n cōlñ m “Prezidnt.”

H apird t tec no notis v Mr Prcup, n I cept ascñ Mr Hutl t gv ɖ crǎn t mî wrɖi mastr. Mr Hutl cept seyñ: “No, ɖs z ɖ Ẃît Hǎs v Wośñtn, n y mst cīp yr crǎn, Mr Prezidnt.”

W ol laft loñ n vri lǎdli, tl I got parćt, n ɖen I wouc p. I fél aslip, onli t drīm ɖ sem ʈñ ovr n ovr agn.

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I rplaid: “Yes, sr; I luv mî hǎs n I luv ɖ nebrhd, n cd nt ber t līv it.” Mr Prcup, t mî s’prîz, sd: “Mr Pūtr, I wl prćis ɖ frīhold v ɖt hǎs, n preznt it t ɖ most onist n most wrɖi man it hz evr bn mî lot t mīt.”

H śc mî hand, n sd h hopt mî wîf n I wd b sperd mni yirz t injô it. Mî hart wz tù fl t ʈanc him; n, siyñ mî imbaṛsmnt, ɖ gd felo sd: “Y nīd se nʈñ, Mr Pūtr,” n left ɖ ofis.

I snt teḷgramz t Cári, Gowñ, n Cumñz (a ʈñ I hv nvr dn bfr), n asct ɖ tū latr t cm rnd t supr.

On arîvñ hom I faund Cári crayñ wɖ jô, n I snt Sẹra rnd t ɖ grosr’z t gt tū botlz v “Jacsn Frer.”

Mî tū dir frendz cem in ɖ īvnñ, n ɖ last post bròt a letr fṛm Lūpin in rplî t mîn. I réd it alǎd t ɖm ol. It ran: “Mî dir old Guv., – Cīp yr her on. Y r on ɖ roñ tac agn. I am ingejd t b marid t ‘Líli Grl.’ I dd nt mnśn it last Ʈrzde, az it wz nt defiṇtli setld. W śl b marid in Ōġst, n amñst ǎr gests w hop t si yr old frendz Gowñ n Cumñz. Wɖ mć luv t ol, fṛm Ɖ sem old Lūpin.”