Clasics in Ñspel: GENTLE ALICE BROWN, by W S Gilbert

JNTL ALIS BRǍN

W.Ś. Gilḅt

It wz a robr’z dōtr, n hr nem wz Alis Brǎn.
Hr faɖr wz ɖ terr v a smōl Itałn tǎn;
Hr muɖr wz a fūliś, wìc, bt emịbl old ʈñ;
Bt it z’nt v hr peṛnts ɖt I’m gwñ fr t sñ.

Az Alis wz a-sitñ at hr windosil wn de,
A bytifl yuñ jntlmn h ćanst t pas ɖt we;
Ś cast hr îz upn him, n h lct so gd n tru,
Ɖt ś ʈt, “I cd b hapi wɖ a jntlmn lîc y!”

N evri mornñ pást hr hǎs ɖt crīm v jntlṃn,
Ś ń ś mt xpct him at a qortr untu ten,
A sortr in ɖ Custmhǎs, it wz hiz dêli rod
(Ɖ Custmhǎs wz fiftīn minits’ wōc

fṛm hr abod.)

Bt Alis wz a pays grl, hu ń it wz’nt wîz
T lc at strenj yuñ sortrz wɖ xpresiv prpl îz;
So ś sòt ɖ vilijprīst t hūm hr faṃli cnfest,
Ɖ prīst bî hūm ɖer litl sinz wr cerf̣li asest.

“Ǒ, holi faɖr,” Alis sd, “’t wd grīv y, wd it nt?
T dscuvr ɖt I wz a most dsrepytbl lot!
V ol unhapi sinrz I’m ɖ most unhapi wn!”
Ɖ pādre sd, “Ẃtvr hv y bn n gn n dn?”

“I hv hlpt m’mā t stìl a litl cidi fṛm its dad,
I’v asistd dir ppā in cutñ p a litl lad.
I’v pland a litl brgḷri n forjd a litl ćéc,
N slein a litl bebi fr ɖ coṛl on its nec!”

Ɖ wrɖi pastr hīvd a sai, n dropt a sîḷnt tir –
N sd, “Y ms’nt juj yrslf tù heṿli, mî dir –
It’s roñ t mrdr bebiz, litl coṛlz fr t flīs;
Bt sinz lîc ɖz wn xpiets at haf-a-crǎn apìs.

“Grlz wl b grlz – y’r vri yuñ, n flîti in yr mînd;
Old hedz upn yuñ śoldrz w mst nt xpct t fînd:
W ms’nt b tù hard upn ɖz litl grliś trics –
Let’s si – fîv crîmz at haf-a-crǎn –

xacli twelv-n-six.”

“Ǒ, faɖr,” litl Alis craid, “yr cîndnis mcs m wīp,
Y d ɖz litl ʈñz fr m so snğlrli ćīp –
Yr ʈtfl liḅraḷti I nvr cn fget;
Bt Ǒ ɖr z anɖr crîm I hv’nt mnśnd yt!

“A pleznt-lcñ jntlmn, wɖ priti prpl îz,
I’v notist at mî windo, az I’v sat a-caćñ flîz;
H pasz bî it evri de az srtn az cn b –
I bluś t se I’v wnct at him n h hz wnct at m!”

“Fr śem,” sd Faɖr Pōl, “mî ŕñ dōtr! On mî wrd
Ɖs z ɖ most dstresñ nyz ɖt I hv evr hŕd.
Ẃ, nōti grl, yr xḷnt ppā hz plejd yr hand
T a proṃsñ yuñ robr, ɖ leftennt v hiz band!

“Ɖs dredfl pìs v nyz wl pen yr wrɖi peṛnts so!
Ɖe r ɖ most rḿnṛtiv custmrz I nǒ;
Fr mni mni yirz ɖ’v cept starveśn fṛm mî dorz,
I nvr ń so criminl a faṃli az yrz!

“Ɖ comn cuntrifoc in ɖs insipid nebrhd
Hv nʈñ t cnfes, ɖ’r so r’dikḷsli gd;
N f y mari enwn rspctbl at ol,
Ẃ, y’l rform, n ẃt wl ɖen bcm v Faɖr Pōl?”

Ɖ wrɖi prīst, h p n drù hiz cǎl upn hiz crǎn,
N startd of in hest t tel ɖ nyz t Robr Brǎn;
T tel him hǎ hiz dōtr, hu nǎ wz fr marij fit,
Hd wnct upn a sortr, hu rsipṛcetd it.

Gd Robr Brǎn, h mufld p hiz angr priti wel,
H sd, “I hv a nośn, n ɖt nośn I wl tel;
I wl nab ɖs ge yuñ sortr, teṛfî him intu fits,
N gt mî jntl wîf t ćop him intu litl bits.

“I’v studid hymn nećr, n I nǒ a ʈñ or tū,
Ɖo a grl me fondli luv a livñ jnt, az mni d –
A fīlñ v dsgust upn hr snsz ɖr wl fōl
Ẃn ś lcs upn hiz bodi ćopt ptiklrli smōl.”

H trest ɖt gaḷnt sortr t a stl sbrbn sqer;
H woćt hiz oṗtyṇti n sizd him un’wer;
H tc a lîf-prizrvr n h hit him on ɖ hed,
N Msz. Brǎn dsctd him bfr ś wnt t bed.

N priti litl Alis grù mor setld in hr mînd,
Ś nvrmor wz gilti v a wìcnis v ɖ cnd,
Untl at leñʈ gd Robr Brǎn bstoud hr hand
On ɖ proṃsñ yuñ robr, ɖ leftennt v hiz band.

CLASICS IN ÑSPEL

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