I hv met Boris Jonsn twîs. Ɖ uglinis wz olwz obvịs bnʈ ɖ boṇmi
(Transcription of a Guardian article of 12 June 2023)
Aftr hiz reẓgneśn az a MP, I’m struc bî a ny cnsnss, decedz in ɖ mcñ – ɖt ɖ formr prîm̦inistr z an unlîc̣bl man, wɖt frendz or alîz
Zǒi Wiłmz, Munde, 12 Jūn 2023
Ɖ inṭrestñ ʈñ abt Boris Jonsn’z xit fṛm parḷmnt z nt hiz stetmnt, a ʈǎznd wrdz fṛm a sîc̣delic upsîd-dǎn wrld in ẃć evrwn els z a layr n h alon tlz ɖ truʈ. Phps ɖt’l cm bac t bît m: it cd b importnt fr ɖ historicl record. Rît nǎ, ɖo, I’m struc bî ɖ ny cnsnss ɖt Jonsn z an unlîc̣bl man, wɖt frendz or alîz, huz onli dsrṇbl marc on ɖ yṇvrs z a trel v ɖ btreid n disiluźnd. Ɖs z nǎ apaṛntli an obvịs ʈñ, cmplitli comn nolij amñ ɖ Boris-woćrz hu fîv secndz ago wr telñ s ɖt h wz ɖ most jīńl man in Britiś poḷtics.
A litl bit v cnsistnsi wd b nîs, or at ɖ vri līst sm acnolijmnt ɖt ɖ’r nǎ seyñ smʈñ difṛnt fṛm ẃt ɖe sd bfr. Bt nvr mînd ɖt, bcz it’s olso a rlif. It’s qt discmbobyletñ ẃn opińn z ynîtd on ɖ eḿbiḷti v a man hu y cn si, fṛm a distns n clos p, n at evri proxiṃti in btwn, z nt eḿbl.
Ɖ frst tîm I met Jonsn wz at a Spectetr lunć in 1999, śortli aftr h hd bcm editr. Maġzīnz hd dînñrūmz ɖen, or mbi ɖe stl d; I hv’nt bn invîtd t wn v ɖz sins ɖ tîm I wnt t a Ny Stetsmn lunć n ʈt “Ćatm Hǎs rūlz” mnt y wr alaud t smoc ẃl uɖr ppl wr stl ītñ. I ddyst ɖt lojicli fṛm ɖ fact ɖt az sn az Jefri Robinsn sd it, evrwn imīɉtli startd smocñ.
Enwe, I wz sitñ nxt t Jonsn, n h sd, “Ẃ r y hir?” Ɖr wz an unspocn secnd haf t ɖt sntns, ẃć wz’nt: “W’r rîtwñ n y’r leftwñ.” I wz jst a cid raitñ on ɖ Īvnñ Standd ɖen n nbdi ń ẃć wñ I wz on. It wz: “Y d’nt sǎnd poś n y’r nt priti, so … ẃ r y hir?” I sd: “Y tel m – y invîtd m,” ẃć endd ɖ xćenj, bt it trnd intu an xistnśl qsćn. Ẃ wz I ɖr? It wz a rūm fl v sic̣fants, ol ɖer atnśn trênd on a man hu cd jeṇret gelz v mrʈ, dspt biyñ – v ɖs I wz az śr az I’d evr bn v enʈñ – nt at ol funi. Mbi it wz tîm t start ascñ: “D I wont t hañ arnd sūṗsiłs, trivịl ppl I d’nt cer abt, īvn f ɖr z wîn ɖr?” bfr seyñ “yes” t invteśnz.
Olmst a deced lêtr, in 2008, Jonsn wz lōnćñ hiz ny Rùtmastr bus in Flitic, Bedfdśr. H wz freś fṛm hiz meṛl vicṭri a fy wīcs prīvịsli, n f I hd’nt met him wns bfr, I’d hv sd h hd īgo oṿs’plî; instd I ń ɖt wz hiz dfōltstet. “I rmembr y,” h sd. “Y’r ɖ wn hu rout ɖt horibl ʈñ abt m.” N ɖs wz tru: in a bid t dtŕ Lundn votrz, I hd ritn smʈñ horibl abt him, drw̃ intîrli on ʈñz ɖt h himslf hd ritn, ẃć wr horibl. I dd’nt wont t gt intu a fît wɖ ɖ gai; I wontd t hv a g on ɖ bus. So I sd: “Ɖt’s jrṇlizm,” n ɖt sīmd t saṭsfî him.
Ɖ de stuc in mî mînd bcz I wz on ɖ sem tren bac t Lundn az Jonsn, n h got mobd bî inʈyziastic tīnejrz. It wz, I s’poz, prūf v consept: h mst hv ɖt majic qoḷti, ẃtvr y wont t cōl it, c’rizma, mgnetic afbiḷti. Śr, Mid Bedfdśr wz a cnstitẏnsi ɖt rlaybli votd fr Nedīn Doriz, so it wz az Tori az ɖe gt; nvɖles, r’nt ol tīnejrz s’pozd t het Cnsrṿtiv poḷtiśnz? Hǎ hd Jonsn peṇtretd ɖer conśsnis az a s’lebṛti, rɖr ɖn a sūt? Ẃt struc m, woćñ ɖ inṭax́n, wz Jonsn’z dsgust, palṗbl bnʈ ɖ panṭmîmboṇmi. H riyli lîcs vots; I’m nt śr hǎ mć h lîcs votrz.
Enwe, fîṇli, w’r ol on ɖ sem pej: nt a fun, lîc̣bl prsn – ɖ oṗzit. It w’nt nesseṛli miṭget ɖ damij v hiz nxt act, bt it’s smʈñ.
