Fṛm Đ Gardịn: Dear Jacob Rees-Mogg, let me help you conjure up some Brexit opportunities

Jacob Rees-Mogg, Brexit opportunities minister, in Westminster on 8 February. Photograph: Aaron Chown/PA
Jecb Rīs-Mog, Brexit-oṗtyṇtiz ministr, in Wsminstr on 8 Febrri. Foṭgraf: Eṛn Ćǎn/PA

Dir Jecb Rīs-Mog, let m hlp y cunjr p sm Brexit oṗtyṇtiz

(Transcription of an article published in the Guardian on 3 Marć 2022)

Az ǎr wrsnñ pridic̣mnt bcmz clir, y nīd ppl hu wl tel it az it z – y’r clirli struġlñ t fînd ɖm

Michael Heseltine

Mîcl Hesltîn, Ʈrzde 3 Marć 2022

Dir Jecb Rīs-Mog,

I hv bn wuriyñ abt ɖ dificltiz y fes in yr ny dīpartmntl rǒl az ministr fr Brexit oṗtyṇtiz n guvnmnt ifiśnsi. On ɖ sîdlînz y hv a job t d in ẃt I cōld a ny dpartmnt. Ɖt z a bit v an xaɉreśn. I si ɖ adres n ɖ teḷfon numbr r ɖ sem Cabiṇt Ofis okpaid bî Devid Frost, yr prīdisesr.

Y r, rịlisticli, ɖ fifʈ holdr v ɖt ofis in six yirz. Devid Devis wz apôntd bî T’rīza Me t ɖ Dpartmnt fr X’tñ ɖ Yṛpiyn Yńn in 2016, foloud bî Doṃnic Rāb n ɖen Stìvn Barcli bfr it wz clozd in 2020. It popt p agn ẃn Lord Frost wz gvn ɖ grand tîtl v ministr v stet in ɖ Cabiṇt Ofis wɖ oṿsît v tred n cooṗreśn agrīmnt n wɖdrwl agrīmnt. H páct it in at ɖ end v last yir, cmplenñ t ɖ prîm̦inistr abt ɖ d’rex́n v travl.

Nǎ ɖ prîm̦inistr hz demnstretd gret feʈ in y nt onli t cunjr p ɖ ptnśl v Brexit bt, at ɖ sem tîm, t impruv guvnmnt ifiśnsi. I wd qaytli pspon ɖs aspect v yr tîtl f I wr y. Ɖ ćanslr wd mc a bad eṇmi ẃn y start pǒcñ abt in ɖ Treẓ́ri t trî t fînd ɖ miłnz lost t frōd. Periś ɖ ʈt, bt phps ɖt’s ẃ ɖ prîm̦inistr gev y ɖ tîtl in ɖ frst ples!

Y r rît abt ɖ nīd t s’kr cuts bî cntrolñ rcrūtmnt. Marġrit Ʈaćr wz so imprest bî ɖ we I dd ɖs ɖt ś asct m t priznt mî meʈ̇dz t a speśl mītñ v ɖ cabiṇt. Ɖt pruvd dzastṛs ẃn ɖ gret figrz v ɖ tîm wr tld bî ɖs yuñ xbiznismn ɖt ɖe hd t mîcromanij ɖer dpartmnts.

Ɖ ofiślz advîzñ y w’nt hv ćenjd mć, n ɖt sīmz t m t b yr frst probḷm. I srvd in difṛnt dpartmnts fr 19 yirz. I wel rmembr ɖ frst de in ć ny job. Ɖr wr ol ɖoz fîlz brstñ wɖ ǎtstandñ jobz, wɖ ny pṛpozlz n wɖ lists v maṇfsto cmitmnts yt t b flfild. Smtmz I wz īvn asct f I hd eni îdīaz v mî ǒn. It ol add p t a formiḍbl wrclod. Y wl wont t b cōśs. Y r nt ɖ frst t sīc Brexit gold at ɖ renbo’z end. T’rīza Me rîtli pt Yṛsceptic colīgz Boris Jonsn, Devid Devis n Liym Fox intu ɖ top jobz. Devis rzînd bcz Me’z dīl wz no gd. Fox sd it wz ɖ onli dīl on ofr. Jonsn left bʈ ǎt v hiz guvnmnt n wz dnǎnst pubḷcli bî Devis in ɖ Hǎs v Comnz in consiqns.

Fîv yirz aftr ɖ YY reḟrendm, ɖ batn hz pást t y n yr Cabiṇt Ofis tīm.

Yr frendz n yr s’portrz in ɖ mīdia wl hv wornd y abt ɖz ofiślz. Ɖe r an inrt, inactiv blob, rmonrz t evri last man n wmn, ɖe wl se. Ɖt z ẃ y hv bn pt in ćarj. Īvn a mśīn az xḷnt az a Rolz-Rôs gz nẃr unls ɖ drîvr ćuzz ɖ d’rex́n n filz ɖ tanc.

Ɖt z ẃ yr apil t ɖ ppl ɖmslvz t fil ɖs inṭlecćl vôd – so eḷqntli xprest in ɖ Sún – wz so injīńs. I wz at frst a sceptic abt ɖs consttyśnl iṇveśn in ɖ deṃcratic proses, tecñ ɖ rɖr ilītist vy ɖt ɖt wz ẃt ministrz wr fr.

Ɖt z ẃ I flt cmpeld t trî t hlp. It z importnt ɖt yr invteśn rīćz ɖ wîdist ōdịns. Y wl nt wont t rlî on a fy crancs, or on a rgrjtetd splrj fṛm Nîjl Farāź. Y wl wont t pṛtct yr c’rir fṛm eni sć asośieśn.

So hǎ cn w hlp y t fînd ǎt ẃt ppl r riyli ʈncñ n seyñ, n ɖus inebl y t rvrs ɖ preznt poulz, ẃć rvil ɖt a sgnificnt mjoṛti v ppl nǎ ʈnc ɖt Brexit z gwñ badli?

A ci targit fr yr mesij mst b ɖ smōl ontṛpṛnŕz n ɖ larjr Britiś cumṗniz, ẃć y mst śo hǎ t xplôt ɖ ny cmrśl oṗtyṇtiz. Y mst nt b pt of bî ɖt cruwl cartūn in ɖ Fînanśl Tîmz ɖt śoud a mîcṛscop on yr ny dsc ʈru ẃć y cd fînd ǎt ẃt ɖz r.

I am prezidnt v ɖ Yṛpiyn Muvmnt, n az ǎr contṛbyśn, w r gwñ t pṛvîd y wɖ a websait ɖt wl c’lect ɖ lêtist nyz n alǎ ppl t rejistr ɖer advîs az y hv rqstd. It z poṣbl ɖt y wl nt lîc evrʈñ ɖe se, bt ɖt z an oṗtyṇti fr y t yz yr formiḍbl dbetñ scilz t rībut ɖm.

Y wl nt b s’prîzd t lrn ɖt I wz pswedd t mc ɖs hlpfl sjsćn bî ɖ sort v coments I rsivd in rspons t mî articl in ɖ Gardịn last munʈ. Wn tld m ɖt Brexit hd rect hiz wîf’s YC xport-t-Yṛp biznis.

Ɖen ɖr wz ɖ rport in ɖ Tîmz v ɖ lêtist srve bî ɖ Britiś Ćembrz v Comrs intu ɖ vyz v its membrz. A ʈǎznd cumṗniz wr asct t ases ɖ rzults v Brexit fr ɖm; 320 cmplend v ɖ dis’dvantjz cmperd wɖ onli 59 hu wr poẓtiv. Ɖz r ɖ ft soljrz upn hūm y hv t rlî in yr ambiśn t gt ɖs gret public dbet gwñ. Y me hv notist ɖt tū v yr stōnćist s’portrz, ɖ Dêli Meil n ɖ Dêli Teḷgraf, dd nt print ɖ stori at ol. I s’poz w cn cnsol ǎrslvz wɖ ɖ ʈt ɖt ɖ priṿlij v a fri ssayti z ɖ frīdm nt t publiś ẃt y d’nt lîc.

Ɖ truʈ wl ǎt. Ẃt dz it se so far?

  • Ɖt ɖ guvnmnt’s Ofis fr Bujit Rsponsbiḷti hz sd it xpcts Brexit t hit ɖ icoṇmi twîs az hard az ɖ globl pandemic.
  • Ɖt ɖ Neɖrḷndz Foṛn-Invstmnt Ejnsi sz ɖt “sins ɖ reḟrendm in 2016, 316 cumṗniz hv ćozn ɖ Neɖrḷndz bcz v Brexit”.
  • Ɖt ɖ prezidnt v ɖ Naśnl Farmrz’ Yńn, Minét Batrz, b’livz lebrśorṭjz rletd t ɖ end v fri muvmnt wɖt adiqt rplesmntscīmz léd t “40,000 hlʈi pigz” biyñ “culd n simpli ʈroun awe … an utr dsgres n a dzastr fr ɖ pig inḍstri”.
  • Ɖt ɖ Naśnl Feḍreśn v Fiśrṃn’z Orġnîześnz sz it xpcts an inorṃs public-rleśnz campen t portre ɖ dīl az a fabyḷs vicṭri, bt ɖt it wl inevitbli b sìn bî ɖ fiśñ inḍstri az a dfit.
  • Ɖt ɖ Fūd n Drinc Feḍreśn sz seilz t Yṛp fél 23.7% in nîn munʈs in 2021.

Nʈñ so rvilz ɖ riaḷti v Brexit az ɖ mītñ v Yṛpiyn līdrz in Bruslz, in ɖ afṭmaʈ v Vlajīmir Pūćin’z asōlt on Ycren. Ǎr continnt fesz a ʈret az svir az enʈñ sins ɖ end v ɖ cold wor. I am aśemd ɖt ɖ cuntri ɖt in mî lîftîm sevd Yṛpiyn dmocṛsi hz nǎ absntd itslf az uɖrz dtrmin Yṛp’s rspons.

Ɖr wl, Mr. Rīs-Mog, b mor caunslz cuṿrñ ɖ clîṃtcrîsis, ǎr invîrnmnt, inṭnaśnl crîm, cntrol v ɖ inṭnet. In evri ces w wl b absnt. Ɖt z ẃt Brexit mīnz.

• Mîcl Hesltîn z a formr Cnsrṿtiv depyti prîm̦inistr

Instroduction to Ñspel

04/03/2022

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