Fṛm Đ Gardịn: Johnson the Criminal lays down the law for asylum seekers

Prime minister proffers surreal reasons for sending people fleeing war to human rights paradise of Rwanda
Boris Jonsn ‘traid t cnvins a fy bord srvisprṣnél ɖt Cgāli wd host ɖ ny ǎtpost v Butlin’z’. Foṭgraf: Mát Dunm/PA

Jonsn ɖ Criminl lez dǎn ɖ lw fr asîḷmsīcrz

(Transcription of an article published in the Guardian on 14 April 2022)

Prîm̦inistr profrz sriyl rīznz fr sndñ ppl fliyñ wor t hymn-rîts paṛdîs v Rwanda

John Crace

Jon Crês, Ʈrzde 14 Epril 2022

Hymaṇti z’nt ɖ Hom Ofis’z strongist sūt. Bt ɖen, nɖr z cḿṇceśn. Last wīc Rićd Harñtn, ɖ refyjīzministr, wz asct bî ɖ brōdcastr LBC f ɖ guvnmnt hd eni planz t ofśor refyjīz t Rwanda. H rplaid wɖ an unambigẏs no. H hd no clu ẃr sć an îdīa mt hv cm fṛm. Nwn in ɖ Hom Ofis hd dscust enʈñ lîc ɖs wɖ him. It wz a nonstori; scer tactics fṛm paṛnôd libṛlz trayñ t dscredit Priti Ptél. Nt ɖt ɖ homsecṛtri nīdz eni hlp. Ś nvr felz t dscredit hrslf.

Cy 10 dez lêtr n Boris Jonsn wz at a hangr in Líd, Cnt, t anǎns ẃt h traid t cnvins a fy bord srvisprṣnél n a hanfl v scepticl hacs wz ɖ ny ǎtpost v Butlin’z in Cgāli. A pleźrpalis fr refyjīz mor ɖn 5,000 mîlz awe. In a cuntri ẃr ɖ probḷm wz wel ǎt v sît v Britiś îz. God fbid ɖt eni Brits mt hv t incǎntr despṛt ppl fliyñ wor n prṣkśn.

Sm hd ʈt ɖ tîmñ wz ol a bit tù cnvińnt. Aftr dez v bad hedlînz abt ɖ prîm̦inistr’z ǒn criṃnaḷti, a ćans t muv ʈñz on wɖ a poḷsi ɖt wd g dǎn a storm wɖ red-wōl Tori votrz bfr ɖ Me locl ilex́nz n pis of jst abt evrwn wɖ a moṛl conśns. It wz ɖt sinicl. Ol ɖ mor so bcz ɖ Cgāli hostl cd wel rmen emti fr yirz az sivl-rîts loyrz tec ɖ guvnmnt t cort fr actñ ilīġli. Ɖ Ptemcin Pleźrdom.

Bt ɖ riaḷti wz ɖt it wz mor lîc cilñ tū brdz wɖ wn ston. Śr, it wz gd t tōc abt smʈñ uɖr ɖn Partiget, bt ɖ Convict n Ptél hd jenyinli bn wrcñ on ɖ d’renjd plan fr munʈs, dspt ɖ bst eḟts v sivl srvnts t tōc ɖm ǎt v it, n wr fîṇli redi t pt ɖer idịsi n cruwlti on vy. N stl nwn hd ʈt t cīp Lord Harñtn in ɖ lūp.

Jonsn startd wɖ ɖ yźl wofl. Ɖ stuf h nīdz t tel himslf ć mornñ so h cn drag himslf ǎt v hiz bed n lc in ɖ mirr. Smhǎ h hz t fînd a we v cnvinsñ himslf h’z a dīsnt man. Nt sm layñ narssist hu wl d n se enʈñ t gt him ʈru ɖ de reḷtivli unsceɖd. So h mumbld smʈñ abt Britn’z fîn hisṭri v opņis n jeṇroṣti t refyjīz.

’r, hlo. W tc jst 9,000 ćildṛn in ɖ Kindertransport. N onli md a big fus abt cngrać̣letñ ǎrslvz fr ɖt bcz w hd’nt tecn eni adult Juz fliyñ Natsi prṣkśn. N ɖen w md olmst no planz t tec in eni Afgan refyjīz last yir aftr ɖ YS wɖdrwl n hd t hesṭli scūp p a fy ʈǎznd intrpritrz n uɖr ci wrcrz at ɖ last momnt. N īvn ɖen w sīmd mor inṭrestd in gtñ pets ǎt v ɖ cuntri rɖr ɖn ppl in fir fr ɖer lîvz. So, nt so gret. A qc riaḷti ćec. Ɖ YC z ɖ fifʈ or sixʈ larjist icoṇmi n tecs jst 0.2% v ɖ wrld’z refyjīz.

Ɖen ɖ Convict got dǎn t ɖ niti-griti. H wontd t stop ɖ tred in ppltraḟcñ. Bt h dd’nt wont t d it bî mcñ it īzịr fr ppl t clem asîḷm in ɖ cuntri. At preznt refyjīz r stuc in a cać-22. Ɖe cn onli clem asîḷm wns ɖe r in ɖ YC bt ɖ onli we t gt hir z ilīġli. Jonsn dd’nt wont t adres ɖt. Ẃt h pṛpozd wz ɖt eni asîḷmsīcrz – includñ Ycreńnz wɖt a vīza – hu rīćt ɖ YC wɖt hvñ bn pśt bac n drǎnd ẃl crosñ ɖ Ćanl wd b rǎndd p bî ɖ armi n gvn a wn-we ticit t Rwanda. Ẃr ɖe cd rot ẃl ɖer apḷceśnz wr prosest. N f ɖe wr cold, wet n frîtnd ɖen so mć ɖ betr. Tīć ɖm nt t cm t ɖ YC.

Ɖen ʈñz jst trnd sriyl. Frst, ɖ Convict traid t portre Rwanda az sm cnd v tropicl hymn-rîts paṛdîs. Rgardlis v ɖ fact ɖt it wz a dictetrśp ɖt ɖ YC hd cndemd fr hymn-rîts vạleśnz. Ɖen h traid t clem ɖ program wd b a bargin. Ignorñ ɖ fact ɖt sm Tori MPz hd esṭmetd it wd b ćīpr t pt ol ɖ refyjīz p at ɖ Ríts. Bt h sevd ɖ bst tl last. Ɖs wz nesṣri bcz h wz a frm b’livr in ɖ rūl v lw. Fṛm ɖ man hu hz śoun a spectaklr disrigard fr it sins h bcem prîm̦inistr. Cīp ɖoz fixt-penlti noṭsz cmñ.

Jonsn cept ɖ blśit gwñ ẃn it cem t qsćnz. H mirli rpitd ɖt h wz probbli trītñ refyjīz wɖ tù mć cîndnis. Britn wd b oṿẃlmd wɖ asîḷmsīcrz despṛt t b intrnd in Rwanda. Mbi h śd trî t mc ɖ ny reźīm mor pyṇtiv.

Az fr hiz ǒn criṃnaḷti, h mirli smrct n tugd ɖ todlr hercut. F it wz ol ɖ sem, h wd fel t ansr ɖ qsćnz smtm nxt wīc. H’z tecñ ɖ hol cuntri fr mugz. W hv a criminl in Nu 10 n h rfyzz t xplen himslf. Ɖ Tori wancocṛsi in oṿdrîv, h olso sd Riśi Sŭnac wz sef in hiz job. So ɖt mīnz h’z tost. Riśi mst b wśñ h hd ɖ slf-wrʈ t rzîn.

Abt an aur lêtr, w dis’pird ʈru ɖ lcñglas. Hir w hd Ptél, az viśs az ś z haf-witd, in Cgāli. Bac in ɖ 60z hr peṛnts hd fled Yganda. Nǎ ś wz pṛpozñ t snd teṛfaid refyjīz t a neḅrñ cuntri huz ǒn sitiznz sīc sañćri elsẃr. Priti Vecnt lct a bit glum az ś réd ǎt ol ɖ poẓtivz v ɖ program, bt ćird p ẃn ś rmembrd it wz ol lîz n ɖt ɖ refyjīz wd b bañd p in a hostl aftr ol. Ɖs wz hr lîf’s wrc n ś cd dî hapi.

Instroduction to Ñspel

15/04/2022

Comments welcomed

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.