Fṛm Đ Gardịn: Pageantry and absurdity abound as the King comes to Westminster

King Charles III and Camilla, the Queen Consort, attend the presentation of addresses by both houses of parliament in Westminster Hall. Photograph: Ian Vogler/AFP/Getty Images
Cñ Ćarlz III n Cmila, ɖ Qīnconsort, atnd ɖ preznteśn v adresz bî bʈ hǎzz v parḷmnt in Wsminstr Hōl. Foṭgraf: Iyn Voglr/AFP/Geti Iṃjz

Pajntri n absrdti abǎnd az ɖ Cñ cmz t Wsminstr

(Transcription of an article published in the Guardian on 12 September 2022)

Ɖ mor obsīqịs MPz n pirz baud n crtsid ẃl uɖrz jst injoid ɖ specṭcl

John Crace

Jon Crês, Munde 12 Sptmbr 2022

Sêl on, O Śip v Stet! … Y’d hv ʈt ɖt Cñ Ćarlz wd hv wontd a litl dǎn tîm. A litl m tîm. A tîm t prîṿtli grīv hiz muɖr n t acustm himslf t hiz ny rǒl az hed v stet. Bt consttyśnl moṇci alǎz no rest. Ɖr r pṛsijrz n proṭcolz t b obzrvd. Prefṛbli wɖ az mć pajntri n absrdti az poṣbl. Brits lîc hisṭri t cm az costymdrama.

So on Munde mornñ ɖ ny soṿrin cem t Wsminstr Hōl t rsiv ɖ cndoḷnsz v bʈ hǎzz v parḷmnt n t mc hiz frst spīć t ɖm az Cñ. N, in fernis, f y’r gwñ t d ɖs sort v ʈñ, ɖr z nẃr betr t d it. Ɖ 900-yir-old hōl z jenyinli ō-inspîrñ – it mcs ɖ Comnz n ɖ Lordz lc tōdri – n hz bn a piṿtl sīn in Britiś dmocṛsi. Ǎr hisṭri hz groun p arnd it. Ɖ fizicl inṭsx́n v ɖ moṇci n ɖ ppl. It’s olso ẃr Ćarlz I wz traid. Ɖo ɖs probbli wz’nt ɖ de t brñ ɖt p.

Ɖ band v ɖ Royl Hǎshold Cavlri pleid ɖ Erisce Luvlilt az MPz n pirz md ɖer we t ɖer sīts. Īvn Jeṛmi Corbin wz ɖr, hvñ míst ɖ mītñ v ɖ axeśn caunsl on Saṭde dspt hvñ bn invîtd. Phps it hd bn a bizi de dǎn on ɖ alotmnt. Cir Starmr, Rećl Rīvz n Anɉla Rênr ol arîvd tgɖr; Liz Trus cem in alon, olmst uņotist.

Smwn wɖ a sns v hymr hd sītd T’rīza Me nxt t Boris Jonsn. Me pld hr hat dǎn ovr hr rît ir so ś cd’nt cać a glims v him bî axidnt n stydịsli ignord him. A crumpld n dsśevld Jonsn – h cd’nt īvn b boɖrd t mc an eḟt fr a stet oceźn lîc ɖs – hd t d wɖ mcñ smōl tōc wɖ Suela Braṿman. Ɖ śortist v śort strwz. Stl, b gretfl fr smōl mrsiz. At līst ɖ seriṃni tc ples bfr Jonsn hd bn gvn ɖ ćans t dmin it wɖ hiz reẓgneśn onrzlist.

Śortli bfr 10am, wn v ɖ dorṃn md a brīf hǎscīpñ’nǎnsmnt, endñ bî rjñ evrwn t injô ɖmslvz. Ɖo nt tù mć. Ɖen et Yomn v ɖ Gard wɖ jaynt spirz prosest p ɖ sntṛl ail, ɖer sprz ecowñ on ɖ ston florz, foloud bî a dsîdidli eldrli n sweti grūp v Jntlṃn at Armz in flopi hats. Onli in Britn. Nxt p wz ɖ Spīcrz’ pṛseśn, léd bî Lord McFōl, ɖ Spīcr in ɖ Lordz, n endñ wɖ Linzi Hôl.

Hvñ md it p t ɖ sǎʈ end v Wsminstr Hōl, ɖ Lord Gret Ćembrlin – hu invnts ɖz tîtlz? – scurid bac dǎn t ɖ uɖr end t mīt Cñ Ćarlz n Cmila, ɖ Qīnconsort. H hd a bit v a wêt az Ćarlz hd’nt īvn left Claṛns Hǎs. Prizyṃbli ɖ dle hd sm masiv consttyśnl sgnificns rɖr ɖn jst biyñ a fełr t sincṛnîz woćz.

Wns Ćarlz n Cmila wr in ples, bʈ spīcrz md ɖer adresz on bhaf v ɖer membrz. Ɖer vôsz brīfli bròt s bac t ɖ 21st snć̣ri. McFōl grù p in Dumbartn, ɖ sun v a certecr, n left scūl at 15: Hôl grù p in Lanc̣śr, ɖ sun v a Lebr MP, Dúg Hôl. Bʈ men xprest ɖer sadnis at ɖ deʈ v ɖ Qīn n hǎ dificlt it mst b fr ɖ ny cñ at sć a tîm. Bt ɖe olso tactḟli bt frmli artikletd ɖ xpcteśn ɖt Ćarlz śd trīt parḷmnt in ɖ sem we az hiz muɖr hd.

Hôl mnśnd ɖ seriṃni ɖ Qīn hd atndd in 1988 t seḷbret ɖ 300ʈ aṇvrsri v ɖ 1688 reṿluśn. It me hv sīmd od, h sd, t marc a reṿluśn wɖ an adres t ɖ Qīn, bt ɖoz reṿluśnz hd pṛtctd ɖ ppl’z liḅtiz n crietd a stebl moṇci. Cñ Ćarlz laft ōcẉdli. H dd’nt sīm intîrli śr f h hd bn gvn a welcm or a wornñ.

Ɖen it wz Ćarlz’z trn t rplî. H bgan bî qotñ Śecspir. Lîc ɖ uɖr Iliẓbʈ bfr hr, hiz muɖr wz a “patn t ol prinsz”. H wnt on t tōc abt ɖ fizicl marcs left on ɖ parḷmntri istet t seḷbret hr vizits t it ovr ɖ yirz. Ɖ súndayl; ɖ fǎntn; ɖ stend-glas windo. Hiz mesij wz clir. Ɖ Qīn hd noun hr ples. N h dd tù. Ɖ wil v parḷmnt wz paṛmǎnt. H wd’nt b rocñ ɖ bot.

Aftr a qc rendiśn v God Sev ɖ Cñ, ɖ seriṃni wz dn n dustd. Ol in wel undr haf an aur. Ɖ mor obsīqịs MPz n pirz baud n crtsid – Mîcl Gove wd hv pṛstretd himslf on ɖ flor f h hd bn gvn ɖ ćans – az ɖ royl parti md its we bac dǎn ɖ ail.

Uɖrz jst injoid ɖ specṭcl ẃl wunḍrñ ẃt ɖ hel it hd bn ol abt. Ɖ mśīṇri v consttyśnl moṇci in progres? Ɖ cntinyeśn v hundṛdz v yirz v hisṭri? Or jst a nîs de ǎt fr evrwn? T rmînd evrwn v ɖer plesz. Yr cōl.

Instroduction to Ñspel

12/09/2022

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