Rêdón Liz romps hom in a piric vicṭri
(Transcription of an article published in the Guardian on 5 September 2022)
Tori MPz’ hops v Trus’z transfmeśn intu a plōẓbl līdr wr daśt bî hr r’botic axptnșpīć
Jon Crês, Munde 5 Sptmbr 2022
O brev ny wrld, ɖt hz sć ppl int. Or nt. Wiłm Śecspir clirli hd nvr imajind a clustrfuc on ɖs scel. Gvn ɖ stet v ɖ cuntri rît nǎ, h wd b in nīd v a loñ lî-dǎn. It wd tec mor ɖn a fy prerfl twīts fṛm Justin Welbi t sort ɖs wn ǎt.
On ɖ rod ǎtsd ɖ Qīn Iliẓbʈ II confṛnșntr, a fy invîrnmntl pṛtstrz glùd ɖmslvz tgɖr ẃl Stīv Bre cmpitd wɖ a grūp v ivanɉlists t pṛvîd a bacñtrac. Sm ʈñz nvr ćenj. Jst insd ɖ mn entṛns, Jemz Cleṿli hld cort. Ɖ mītr-n-grītr wɖ a smîl fr evrwn. A man at pīs wɖ himslf. Smwn hu ń h hd bact ɖ rît hors.
In ɖ fôe, Iyn Duncn Smiʈ wondrd arnd in srć v a camra t se smʈñ t. H’z nt fusi. No de z cmplit wɖt him hvñ rcordd sm dul opińn fr psteṛti. Ovr in ɖ cornr, a grinñ Liz Trus śufld hrslf intu a lift acumṗnid bî T’rez Cofi, hu z tipt t bcm hlʈsecṛtri. Ɖr wz no sîn v Riśi Sŭnac.
Ɖ xîtmnt wz olmst xîtmnt. Nwn wz xpctñ eni s’prîzz. Ol ɖ poulz cnductd ovr ɖ past tū munʈs hd indcetd ɖ līdrśp contest wz a pṛtractd coṛneśn rɖr ɖn an ilex́n. So ɖoz Tori MPz hu hd boɖrd t wōc ovr fṛm Wsminstr wr riyli onli ɖr fr ɖ hel v it. N t b sìn. It nvr hrts t lc az f y’v olwz bact ɖ winr. Or – in ɖ ces v Doṃnic Rāb, a vocl Sŭnac bacr – t cis gdbî t ɖ rest v hiz p’liticl c’rir. A Trus guvnmnt z’nt ol bad, ɖen.
Śortli aftr 12.30, ɖ lîts wnt p, n Andru Stīvnsn, ɖ Tori parti co-ćer, tc t ɖ stej. Ɖ Cnsrṿtivz hd bn in gd vôs n gd streñʈ jrñ ɖ hustñz, h sd. H mst hv bn woćñ a difṛnt ilex́ncampen fṛm ɖ rest v s.
H ɖen ʈanct Boris Jonsn fr … biyñ Boris Jonsn. It sīmz t hv bn loñ fgotn ɖt ɖ Convict hd bn ɖ arc̣tect v hiz ǒn dǎnfōl. Ɖt h hd brocn ɖ lw, pṛtctd sx psts n laid n laid n laid. Nǎ h z a latr-de Tori-parti sent. Fr ɖ frst tîm, ɖ aplōz flt jenyin. Jst wird. Ɖ Tōriz wr ilectñ a ny līdr ẃl stl grīvñ wn ɖe hd ɖmslvz dpozd.
“I’d lîc y t welcm Liz Trus n Riśi Sŭnac,” Stīvnsn sd in wîndñ p. Trus bǎnst in. Sunak nt so mć. H lct az f h wd rɖr b enẃr els ɖn at ɖ sīn v hiz fînl hymilieśn. H olso sīmd cnfyzd, az f h stl cd’nt wrc ǎt ẃ h hd lost t smwn so obvịsli les compitnt. H hd bn redi t b līdr. Hǎ cm nwn hd bn Redi 4 Riśi?
Ɖr wz no lojic. No sns. Y onli nīdd t lisn t hr sṭcāto, r’botic vôs t riylîz jst hǎ yslis ś wz. Ɖ cuntri hd olrdi wrct hr ǎt. A ny poul śoud ɖt ɖ Lebr līd grù bî sevn psntijpônts ẃn ppl riylîzd Rêdón Liz wz in ćarj v ɖ Tōriz.
In a nîs twist, most v ɖ hymilieśn wz rzrvd fr Trus hrslf – olmst ol v it v hr ǒn mcñ. Frst ɖo cem ɖ anǎnsmnt bî Greym Brêdi, ɖ olwz plizd-wɖ-himslf ćer v ɖ 1922 Cmiti. Trus hd wún. V cors ś hd. W dd’nt nīd t b tld ɖt. Bt it wz a vicṭri so smōl, so piric, ɖt ɖr wz no glori.
IDS punćt ɖ er. H wz no longr ɖ most dslîct Tori līdr v ol. Ɖt wz qt sm tîtl fr Liz t liv dǎn t. It wz’nt jst ɖ intîr cuntri n tū-ʈrdz v hr ǒn MPz hu dd’nt wont Trus. It wz wel ovr haf v ɖ Tori-parti membrśp. V a poṣbl 170,000 vots – asymñ ol Tori membrz r acć̣li alîv – Rêdón Liz hd s’krd jst 80,000. Bt ɖt wz apaṛntli inuf t mc hr ɖ YC’z nxt prîm̦inistr. Gd luc t s. Dmocṛsi muvz in mstirịs wez.
Ɖen cem ɖ spīć. F y cn cōl it ɖt. Mor a wrdsaḷd. Imajin it. Y’v noun fr tū munʈs ɖt y’r gwñ t win. N ol y’v got t d z a fîv-minit axptnșpīć. Jst smʈñ aṇdîn n uncontṛvrśl. Smʈñ ɖt pruvz y’r at līst semi-sntịnt. Yt ol Trus cd cm p wɖ wz a mumḅlñ moṇton ɖt wd hv bn bùd at a frinjmītñ at a Tori-parti confṛns.
“I ʈnc w hv śoun ɖ depʈ n bredʈ v taḷnt in ɖ Cnsrṿtiv parti,” ś bgan. Riyli? R y mad? Ẃt it’s riyli śoun z ɖt ɖ Tōriz r a spent fors. N ɖt ɖe r screpñ ɖ baṛl in ɖer srć fr a ny līdr. Ẃt wr ɖ ćansz v fîndñ smwn wrs ɖn Jonsn? Acć̣li qt hî, cnsiḍrñ ɖ dmiṇśñ jīnpūl.
Trus ɖen wnt on an amnīziac’s tur v Boris hîlîts. “Y r admîrd fṛm Cyīv t Carlîl,” ś sd. Yup. N hetd in Scotḷnd n Norɖn Îrḷnd. N acć̣li in Carlîl, ẃć hz jst ilectd a Lebr caunsl. Ɖr wz an ōcẉd fy secndz’ pōz az Trus wêtd fr aplōz. Ivnć̣li a fy Tōriz pt hr ǎt v hr miẓri n oblîjd.
Ɖ rest v ɖ spīć wz īvn mor pitifl. Sm aćivmnt. Ś wz gwñ t dlivr. N dlivr. N dlivr. Ś hd no îdīa ẃt. Or indd eni comprihnśn ś hd bn in ɖ cabiṇt sins 2014 n mt hv bn xpctd t dlivr in ɖ inṭvinñ yirz. Ɖ clocwrc ran dǎn n Rêdón Liz slrd hr we t a stop. Ɖr hd bn nʈñ abt ynîtñ ɖ cuntri. Nʈñ on ɖ cost v livñ. Jst a veg hop ś mt win ɖ nxt ilex́n in 2024 f Lebr rfyzd t tec part.
It cd hardli hv gn eni wrs. Y cd si panic in ɖ îz v sm Tori MPz. Ɖe hd smhǎ imajind ɖt Trus mt mrakḷsli trnsform intu ɖ chiṛnt, plōẓbl līdr ɖe hd bn promist jrñ ɖ campen. Yt hir ś wz, flatlînñ bfr ɖer îz. F ś lasts a yir it wl b a miṛcl. Ɖen w’l ol b bac in ɖ QI-II sntr t anônt smwn īvn wrs.
