RECIPE

INGREDIENTS

Speech sounds:

Vowels
/ɒ/ɔː/aɪ/ə/ɛ/ʌ/əʊ/iː/uː/

Consonants
/b/d/ð/j/l/m/n/p/r/s/t/v/w/z/

1 key of G Major

Chords: C, D, G, G7

3L of inspiration

(Serves as many as you like.)

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METHOD

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STEP 1

Pour the inspiration into a bucket,
bring to boil and leave to simmer for 10 mins
before setting aside.

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STEP 2

Shape the sounds into letters as follows:

A x 19
B x 5
D x 16
E x 67
H x 8
K x 5
L x 42
M x 19
O x 73
R x 4
S x 16
T x 6
U x 13
V x 25
W x 14
Y x 16

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STEP 3

Combine the letters into words, as follows:

ALWAYS x 4
BE x 4
DO x 15
I x 8
KNOW x 4
LOVE x 25
ME x 15
OH x 1
PLEASE x 4
SHALL x 4
SO x 4
SOMEONE x 3
TRUE x 4
WHOA x 5
YEAH x 2
YOU x 9

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STEP 4

Divide the chords as follows:

33 of C
4 of D
26 of G
4 of G7

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STEP 5

Divide three guitars and a drum kit
between an appropriate songwriter
and three other appropriate musicians
as appropriate.

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STEP 6

Decant the pre-heated inspiration
in equal measures
into two jugs.

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STEP 7

Shake the words into one of the jugs and stir well,
before gently pouring into one of the songwriter’s ears.

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STEP 8

Shake the chords into the other jug,
together with the key of G Major,
and stir well,
before gently pouring into the songwriter’s other ear.

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STEP 9

Give the songwriter’s head a vigorous shake
and leave to marinate for approximately 40 mins.

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STEP 10

Set the musicians to cook the marinated words
and chords
for approximately 1 hr
on Gas Mark 6.

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TO SERVE

Spread the musicians on a stage
together with their respective instruments,
plus amplifiers, microphones
and a harmonica.

Serve hot.

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