(Transcription of an article published in the Guardian on 9 April 2020)
Asct t rîz t ɖ oceźn fr ɖ ʈrd tîm in a wīc, Randm Rāb olmst pṛdyst sm chiṛnt sntnsz
Jon Crês, Ʈrzde, 9 Epril 2020
C’roṇvîṛs z man’z wrc. At līst, ɖt apirz t b ɖ guvnmnt’s asesmnt v it, fr in ɖ ʈri wīcs v dêli Dǎnñ Strīt presbrīfñz, nt wns hz a wmn ministr bn alaud ǎt t b frunt-v-hǎs comper. Priti Ptel, Liz Trus n T’rêz Cófi hv bcm ol bt inviẓbl. Misñ in ax́n. Ɖe mt az wel nt xist.
Fr ɖ ʈrd tîm ɖs wīc it wz Doṃnic Rāb – ɖ de facto prîm ministr ẃl Boris Jonsn z in intnsiv cer – hu dd ɖ biznis fr ɖ guvnmnt. N, t b fer, h’z gtñ viẓbli betr at it. H lcs les unstebl n mor ɖ man hu cn īẓli si ǎt 24 aurz v clos p’līsinteṛgeśn ovr unsolvd misñ-prsnz cesz. Ɖo h mt hv strugld f enwn hd qsćnd him abt ɖ dis’piṛns v ɖ homsecṛtri.
It olso hlpt ɖt ɖ foṛn secṛtri dd’nt hv eni nyz, uɖr ɖn ɖ grim dêli deʈsttistics, t impart. So h cd stic t dwñ ẃt h nz bst, ẃć z spilñ ǎt a randm siriz v wrdz, onli sm v ẃć amǎnt t fŭli chiṛnt sntnsz. At sm pônt in hiz c’rir, ɖ blac-blt marśl arts speṣ́list z gwñ t hv t riylîz ɖt ɖ bren z olso a musl. Cmñ p wɖ lînz lîc “W r foc̣sñ on ɖ ʈñz w nīd t foc̣s on” me sǎnd impresiv at cabiṇtmītñz, bt dz’nt trnzlet wel t ɖoz v s hu spīc hymn.
Stl, aftr Rāb hd spent ɖ bst part v fîv minits telñ evrwn t ste at hom fr Īstr – ɖ No 10 lectn hd bn hlpf̣li updetd wɖ ɖs ny logo – it dd bcm clir ẃ Ptel mt hv dojd a bŭlit bî biyñ xcludd fṛm ɖs brīfñ. Bcz Rāb wnt on t dlivr a loñ ʈanc-yu t ol ɖ NHS staf, cerwrcrz, hospitlclīnrz, dlivridrîvrz n sūṗmarcitstaf hu wr cīpñ ppl alîv n ɖ cuntri runñ: ɖ vri ppl hu wd nvr hv bn let intu ɖ cuntri f ɖ homsecṛtri hd bn alaud t implimnt hr pônts-best iṃgreśnsistm a fy yirz rlịr. Fr Priti, îdioḷji z ol. Ś dd’nt vot t tec bac cntrol t hv an imigṛnt clīnñ a hospitlflor or oṗret a sūṗmarcit ćecǎt.
“W nǎ nǒ hu ɖ ci wrcrz riyli r,” sd Rāb. Indd w dd. N t ɖ s’prîz v mni Tori MPz, ɖe wr’nt ɖ hejfund manijrz or partidonrz ɖe hd imajind. Hir Rāb’z lejnḍri abiḷti t dsośiet cem in handi. Bcz bac in 2010, h, Ptel n sevṛl uɖr līdñ Tōriz rout a bc, Britańa Unćend, in ẃć ɖe advcetd incrist osteṛti, duḅlñ dǎn on laissez-faire īc̣nomics n brandd ɖ Brits az sm v ɖ îdlist ppl in ɖ wrld.
Bt sm ʈñz d’nt ćenj. Asct f ɖ guvnmnt mt cer t śo its grattyd t ɖ ci wrcrz wɖ a caśboṇs wns ɖ pandemic wz ovr, Rāb bcem ivesiv. Muni, ẃt muni? Wz’nt it inuf fr ɖz wrcrz t hv sevd ɖ cuntri bfr biyñ asct t līv? At tîmz lîc ɖz, Dóm cd olmst b a dubl fr Devid Brent. “Ɖ bad nyz z ɖt sm v y wl lūz yr jobz. On a mor poẓtiv not, ɖ gd nyz z ɖt I’v bn pṛmotd – so evri clǎd, ê?”
Nt ɖt Rāb sīmd ovrli cīn t emf̣sîz ɖ xtnt v hiz ny pǎrz az de facto prîm ministr. F enʈñ, h traid t dǎnple ɖm, sjstñ ɖt ol cabiṇt-dsiźnz wr nǎ mor lîc tantric medteśnseśnz.
Unforćṇtli, ɖ ansrz pṛvîdd bî ɖt proses cn b les ɖn cristl-clir. Rāb wz az ivesiv on ẃt ɖ guvnmntstraṭji fr dtrṃnñ ɖ tîmñ v ɖ end v ɖ parśl locdǎn mt b – jrṇlists hv loñ sins gvn p ascñ fr an acćl det – az h wz on ẃ ɖ guvnmnt hd hd t incris its oṿdraft wɖ ɖ Banc v Ñgḷnd. Ẃr wz Riśi ẃn y nīdd him?
Ɖ bigist unansrd qsćn, ɖo, wz ɖ wn ɖt hz bn left haññ ovr evri presconfṛns. Ẃ z Jrṃni hanḍlñ ɖ crîsis so mć betr ɖn s? Sm pṛjx́nz sjst ɖ Jrmn deʈret fṛm ɖ c’roṇvîṛs wl b abt 10% v ǎrz. Ẃt’s ɖer sīcrit? Rāb, Cris Ẃiti n Patric Vaḷns ol jst śrugd ɖer śoldrz. Ɖe hd no îdīa. Or nn fit fr public cnsumśn.
Y cd olmst sns ɖ desṗreśn in Dóm’z vôs az h plīdd wn last tîm fr cām ovr Īstr. Biyñ in ćarj z’nt nirli so mć fun az h hd imajind. H’z misñ Boris badli. Wirdli, I am tù. At līst wɖ Boris y gt sm cînd v hopfl boḷcs. Wɖ Rāb y jst gt boḷcs. In ɖ land v ɖ blînd, ɖ wn-aid man z cñ.
