(Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland – Chapter V: Advice from a Caterpillar – by Lewis Carroll, transcribed into Ñspel, a new way of spelling devised by Frank Johnson. With audio accompaniment.)
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Caṭpilr n Alis lct at ć uɖr fr sm tîm in sîḷns: at last ɖ Caṭpilr tc ɖ hŭca ǎt v its mǎʈ, n adrest hr in a lanḡd, slīpi vôs.
“Hu r y?” sd ɖ Caṭpilr.
Ɖs wz nt an incuṛjñ oṗnñ fr a convseśn. Alis rplaid, rɖr śîli, “I—I hardli nǒ, sr, jst at preznt—at līst I nǒ hu I wz ẃn I got p ɖs mornñ, bt I ʈnc I mst hv bn ćenjd sevṛl tîmz sins ɖen.”
“Ẃt d y mīn bî ɖt?” sd ɖ Caṭpilr strnli. “Xplen yrslf!”
“I c’nt xplen mslf, I’m afreid, sr” sd Alis, “bcz I’m nt mslf, y si.”
“I d’nt si,” sd ɖ Caṭpilr.
“I’m afreid I c’nt pt it mor clirli,” Alis rplaid vri p’lîtli, “fr I c’nt unḍstand it mslf t bgin wɖ; n biyñ so mni difṛnt sîzz in a de z vri cnfyzñ.”
“It z’nt,” sd ɖ Caṭpilr.
“Wel, phps y hv’nt faund it so yt,” sd Alis; “bt ẃn y hv t trn intu a criṣlis—y wl sm de, y nǒ—n ɖen aftr ɖt intu a buṭflî, I śd ʈnc y’l fīl it a litl qir, w’nt y?”
“Nt a bit,” sd ɖ Caṭpilr.
“Wel, phps yr fīlñz me b difṛnt,” sd Alis; “ol I nǒ z, it wd fīl vri qir t m.”
“Y!” sd ɖ Caṭpilr cntmć̣sli. “Hu r y?”
Ẃć bròt ɖm bac agn t ɖ bginñ v ɖ convseśn. Alis flt a litl iṛtetd at ɖ Caṭpilr’z mcñ sć vri śort rmarcs, n ś drù hrslf p n sd, vri grevli, “I ʈnc, y òt t tel m hu y r, frst.”
“Ẃ?” sd ɖ Caṭpilr.
Hir wz anɖr puẓlñ qsćn; n az Alis cd nt ʈnc v eni gd rīzn, n az ɖ Caṭpilr sīmd t b in a vri unpleznt stet v mînd, ś trnd awe.
“Cm bac!” ɖ Caṭpilr cōld aftr hr. “I’v smʈñ importnt t se!”
Ɖs sǎndd proṃsñ, srtnli: Alis trnd n cem bac agn.
“Cīp yr tmpr,” sd ɖ Caṭpilr.
“Z ɖt ol?” sd Alis, swolowñ dǎn hr angr az wel az ś cd.
“No,” sd ɖ Caṭpilr.
Alis ʈt ś mt az wel wêt, az ś hd nʈñ els t d, n phps aftr ol it mt tel hr smʈñ wrʈ hírñ. Fr sm minits it puft awe wɖt spīcñ, bt at last it unfoldd its armz, tc ɖ hŭca ǎt v its mǎʈ agn, n sd, “So y ʈnc y’r ćenjd, d y?”
“I’m afreid I am, sr,” sd Alis; “I c’nt rmembr ʈñz az I yst—n I d’nt cīp ɖ sem sîz fr ten minits tgɖr!”
“C’nt rmembr ẃt ʈñz?” sd ɖ Caṭpilr.
“Wel, I’v traid t se “Hǎ duʈ ɖ litl bizi bì,” bt it ol cem difṛnt!” Alis rplaid in a vri meḷnc̣li vôs.
“Rpit, “Y r old, Faɖr Wiłm,” sd ɖ Caṭpilr.
Alis foldd hr handz, n bgan:—
“Y r old, Faɖr Wiłm,” ɖ yuñ man sd,
“N yr her hz bcm vri ẃît;
N yt y insesntli stand on yr hed—
D y ʈnc, at yr ej, it z rît?”
“In mî yʈ,” Faɖr Wiłm rplaid t hiz sun,
“I fird it mt injr ɖ bren;
Bt, nǎ ɖt I’m prf̣cli śr I hv nn,
Ẃ, I d it agn n agn.”
“Y r old,” sd ɖ yʈ, “az I mnśnd bfr,
N hv groun most uncomnli fat;
Yt y trnd a bacsuṃsōlt in at ɖ dor—
Pre, ẃt z ɖ rīzn v ɖt?”
“In mî yʈ,” sd ɖ sej, az h śc hiz gre locs,
“I cept ol mî limz vri supl
Bî ɖ ys v ɖs ôntmnt—wn śilñ ɖ box—
Alǎ m t sel y a cupl?”
“Y r old,” sd ɖ yʈ, “n yr jwz r tù wìc
Fr enʈñ tufr ɖn suit;
Yt y finiśt ɖ gūs, wɖ ɖ bonz n ɖ bīc—
Pre hǎ dd y manij t d it?”
“In mî yʈ,” sd hiz faɖr, “I tc t ɖ lw,
N arğd ć ces wɖ mî wîf;
N ɖ musklr streñʈ, ẃć it gev t mî jw,
Hz lastd ɖ rest v mî lîf.”
“Y r old,” sd ɖ yʈ, “wn wd hardli s’poz
Ɖt yr î wz az stedi az evr;
Yt y baḷnst an īl on ɖ end v yr nǒz—
Ẃt md y so ōf̣li clevr?”
“I hv ansrd ʈri qsćnz, n ɖt z inuf,”
Sd hiz faɖr; “d’nt gv yrslf erz!
D y ʈnc I cn lisn ol de t sć stuf?
B of, or I’l cic y dǎn sterz!”
“Ɖt z nt sd rît,” sd ɖ Caṭpilr.
“Nt qt rît, I’m afreid,” sd Alis, timidli; “sm v ɖ wrdz hv got oltrd.”
“It z roñ fṛm bginñ t end,” sd ɖ Caṭpilr dsîdidli, n ɖr wz sîḷns fr sm minits.
Ɖ Caṭpilr wz ɖ frst t spīc.
“Ẃt sîz d y wont t b?” it asct.
“Ǒ, I’m nt ptiklr az t sîz,” Alis hesṭli rplaid; “onli wn dz’nt lîc ćenjñ so ofn, y nǒ.”
“I d’nt nǒ,” sd ɖ Caṭpilr.
Alis sd nʈñ: ś hd nvr bn so mć contṛdictd in hr lîf bfr, n ś flt ɖt ś wz luzñ hr tmpr.
“R y cntnt nǎ?” sd ɖ Caṭpilr.
“Wel, I śd lîc t b a litl larjr, sr, f y wd’nt mînd,” sd Alis: “ʈri inćz z sć a rećid hît t b.”
“It z a vri gd hît indd!” sd ɖ Caṭpilr angṛli, rirñ itslf uprît az it spouc (it wz xacli ʈri inćz hî).
“Bt I’m nt yst t it!” plīdd pur Alis in a pitịs ton. N ś ʈt t hrslf, “I wś ɖ crīćrz wd’nt b so īẓli ofndd!”
“Y’l gt yst t it in tîm,” sd ɖ Caṭpilr; n it pt ɖ hŭca intu its mǎʈ n bgan smocñ agn.
Ɖs tîm Alis wêtd peśntli untl it ćouz t spīc agn. In a minit or tū ɖ Caṭpilr tc ɖ hŭca ǎt v its mǎʈ n yōnd wns or twîs, n śc itslf. Ɖen it got dǎn of ɖ muśrum, n crōld awe in ɖ gras, mirli rmarcñ az it wnt, “Wn sîd wl mc y gro tōlr, n ɖ uɖr sîd wl mc y gro śortr.”
“Wn sîd v ẃt? Ɖ uɖr sîd v ẃt?” ʈt Alis t hrslf.
“V ɖ muśrum,” sd ɖ Caṭpilr, jst az f ś hd asct it alǎd; n in anɖr momnt it wz ǎt v sît.
Alis rmend lcñ ʈtf̣li at ɖ muśrum fr a minit, trayñ t mc ǎt ẃć wr ɖ tū sîdz v it; n az it wz prf̣cli rǎnd, ś faund ɖs a vri dificlt qsćn. Hvr, at last ś strećt hr armz rnd it az far az ɖe wd g, n brouc of a bit v ɖ éj wɖ ć hand.
“N nǎ ẃć z ẃć?” ś sd t hrslf, n nibld a litl v ɖ rît-hand bit t trî ɖ ifct: ɖ nxt momnt ś flt a vayḷnt blo undnʈ hr ćin: it hd struc hr ft!
Ś wz a gd dīl frîtnd bî ɖs vri sudn ćenj, bt ś flt ɖt ɖr wz no tîm t b lost, az ś wz śrincñ rapidli; so ś set t wrc at wns t īt sm v ɖ uɖr bit. Hr ćin wz prest so closli agnst hr ft, ɖt ɖr wz hardli rūm t opn hr mǎʈ; bt ś dd it at last, n manijd t swolo a morsl v ɖ lefthand bit.
“Cm, mî hed’z fri at last!” sd Alis in a ton v dlît, ẃć ćenjd intu alarm in anɖr momnt, ẃn ś faund ɖt hr śoldrz wr nẃr t b faund: ol ś cd si, ẃn ś lct dǎn, wz an imns leñʈ v nec, ẃć sīmd t rîz lîc a stōc ǎt v a sì v grīn līvz ɖt le far b’lo hr.
“Ẃt cn ol ɖt grīn stuf b?” sd Alis. “N ẃr hv mî śoldrz got t? N ǒ, mî pur handz, hǎ z it I c’nt si y?” Ś wz muvñ ɖm abt az ś spouc, bt no rzult sīmd t folo, xpt a litl śecñ amñ ɖ distnt grīn līvz.
Az ɖr sīmd t b no ćans v gtñ hr handz p t hr hed, ś traid t gt hr hed dǎn t ɖm, n wz dlîtd t fînd ɖt hr nec wd bnd abt īẓli in eni d’rex́n, lîc a srpnt. Ś hd jst s’xidd in crvñ it dǎn intu a gresfl zigzag, n wz gwñ t dîv in amñ ɖ līvz, ẃć ś faund t b nʈñ bt ɖ tops v ɖ triz undr ẃć ś hd bn wonḍrñ, ẃn a śarp his md hr drw bac in a huri: a larj pijn hd floun intu hr fes, n wz bìtñ hr vayḷntli wɖ its wñz.
“Srpnt!” scrīmd ɖ Pijn.
“I’m nt a srpnt!” sd Alis indignntli. “Let m alon!”
“Srpnt, I se agn!” rpitd ɖ Pijn, bt in a mor sbdyd ton, n add wɖ a cnd v sob, “I’v traid evri we, n nʈñ sīmz t sūt ɖm!”
“I hv’nt ɖ līst îdīa ẃt y’r tōcñ abt,” sd Alis.
“I’v traid ɖ rūts v triz, n I’v traid bancs, n I’v traid hejz,” ɖ Pijn wnt on, wɖt atndñ t hr; “bt ɖoz srpnts! Ɖr’z no plizñ ɖm!”
Alis wz mor n mor puzld, bt ś ʈt ɖr wz no ys in seyñ enʈñ mor tl ɖ Pijn hd finiśt.
“Az f it wz’nt trubl inuf haćñ ɖ egz,” sd ɖ Pijn; “bt I mst b on ɖ lc-ǎt fr srpnts nît n de! Ẃ, I hv’nt hd a wnc v slīp ɖz ʈri wīcs!”
“I’m vri sori y’v bn anoid,” sd Alis, hu wz bginñ t si its mīnñ.
“N jst az I’d tecn ɖ hîist tri in ɖ wŭd,” cntinyd ɖ Pijn, rezñ its vôs t a śrīc, “n jst az I wz ʈncñ I śd b fri v ɖm at last, ɖe mst nīdz cm riġlñ dǎn fṛm ɖ scî! Ug, Srpnt!”
“Bt I’m nt a srpnt, I tel y!” sd Alis. “I’m a—I’m a—”
“Wel! Ẃt r y?” sd ɖ Pijn. “I cn si y’r trayñ t invnt smʈñ!”
“I—I’m a litl grl,” sd Alis, rɖr dǎtf̣li, az ś rmembrd ɖ numbr v ćenjz ś hd gn ʈru ɖt de.
“A lîcli stori indd!” sd ɖ Pijn in a ton v ɖ dīpist cntmt. “I’v sìn a gd mni litl grlz in mî tîm, bt nvr wn wɖ sć a nec az ɖt! No, no! Y’r a srpnt; n ɖr’z no ys dnayñ it. I s’poz y’l b telñ m nxt ɖt y nvr testd an eg!”
“I hv testd egz, srtnli,” sd Alis, hu wz a vri truʈfl ćîld; “bt litl grlz īt egz qt az mć az srpnts d, y nǒ.”
“I d’nt b’liv it,” sd ɖ Pijn; “bt f ɖe d, ẃ ɖen ɖ’r a cnd v srpnt, ɖt’s ol I cn se.”
Ɖs wz sć a ny îdīa t Alis, ɖt ś wz qt sîḷnt fr a minit or tū, ẃć gev ɖ Pijn ɖ oṗtyṇti v adñ, “Y’r lcñ fr egz, I nǒ ɖt wel inuf; n ẃt dz it matr t m ẃɖr y’r a litl grl or a srpnt?”
“It matrz a gd dīl t m,” sd Alis hesṭli; “bt I’m nt lcñ fr egz, az it hapnz; n f I wz, I śd’nt wont yrz: I d’nt lîc ɖm rw.”
“Wel, b of, ɖen!” sd ɖ Pijn in a sulci ton, az it setld dǎn agn intu its nst. Alis crǎćt dǎn amñ ɖ triz az wel az ś cd, fr hr nec cept gtñ intangld amñ ɖ branćz, n evri nǎ n ɖen ś hd t stop n untwist it. Aftr a ẃl ś rmembrd ɖt ś stl hld ɖ pìsz v muśrum in hr handz, n ś set t wrc vri cerf̣li, niḅlñ frst at wn n ɖen at ɖ uɖr, n growñ smtmz tōlr n smtmz śortr, untl ś hd s’xidd in brññ hrslf dǎn t hr yźl hît.
It wz so loñ sins ś hd bn enʈñ nir ɖ rît sîz, ɖt it flt qt strenj at frst; bt ś got yst t it in a fy minits, n bgan tōcñ t hrslf, az yźl. “Cm, ɖr’z haf mî plan dn nǎ! Hǎ puẓlñ ol ɖz ćenjz r! I’m nvr śr ẃt I’m gwñ t b, fṛm wn minit t anɖr! Hvr, I’v got bac t mî rît sîz: ɖ nxt ʈñ z, t gt intu ɖt bytifl gardn—hǎ z ɖt t b dn, I wundr?” Az ś sd ɖs, ś cem sudnli upn an opn ples, wɖ a litl hǎs in it abt for fīt hî. “Huevr livz ɖr,” ʈt Alis, “it’l nvr d t cm upn ɖm ɖs sîz: ẃ, I śd frîtn ɖm ǎt v ɖer wits!” So ś bgan niḅlñ at ɖ rîthand bit agn, n dd nt vnćr t g nir ɖ hǎs tl ś hd bròt hrslf dǎn t nîn inćz hî.