(Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland – Chapter III: A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale – by Lewis Carroll, transcribed into Ñspel, a new way of spelling devised by Frank Johnson. With audio accompaniment.)
Ɖ
e wr indd a qir-lcñ parti ɖt asmbld on ɖ banc—ɖ brdz wɖ dragld feɖrz, ɖ animlz wɖ ɖer fŕ clññ clos t ɖm, n ol dripñ wet, cros, n uncumf̣tbl.
Ɖ frst qsćn v cors wz, hǎ t gt drî agn: ɖe hd a conslteśn abt ɖs, n aftr a fy minits it sīmd qt naćṛl t Alis t fînd hrslf tōcñ fmiłrli wɖ ɖm, az f ś hd noun ɖm ol hr lîf. Indd, ś hd qt a loñ arğmnt wɖ ɖ Lōri, hu at last trnd sulci, n wd onli se, “I am oldr ɖn y, n mst nǒ betr”; n ɖs Alis wd nt alǎ wɖt nwñ hǎ old it wz, n, az ɖ Lōri poztivli rfyzd t tel its ej, ɖr wz no mor t b sd.
At last ɖ Mǎs, hu sīmd t b a prsn v oʈoṛti amñ ɖm, cōld ǎt, “Sit dǎn, ol v y, n lisn t m! I’l sn mc y drî inuf!” Ɖe ol sat dǎn at wns, in a larj rñ, wɖ ɖ Mǎs in ɖ midl. Alis cept hr îz añśsli fixt on it, fr ś flt śr ś wd cać a bad cold f ś dd nt gt drî vri sn.
“Ahem!” sd ɖ Mǎs wɖ an importnt er, “r y ol redi? Ɖs z ɖ drîist ʈñ I nǒ. Sîḷns ol rnd, f y plīz! ‘Wiłm ɖ Concrr, huz cōz wz fevrd bî ɖ pǒp, wz sn sbmitd t bî ɖ Ñgliś, hu wontd līdrz, n hd bn v lêt mć acustmd t yzpeśn n conqest. Edwin n Morcar, ɖ rlz v Mrsia n Norʈumbria’—”
“Ug!” sd ɖ Lōri, wɖ a śivr.
“I beg yr pardn!” sd ɖ Mǎs, frǎnñ, bt vri p’lîtli: “Dd y spīc?”
“Nt I!” sd ɖ Lōri hesṭli.
“I ʈt y dd,” sd ɖ Mǎs. “—I pṛsid. ‘Edwin n Morcar, ɖ rlz v Mrsia n Norʈumbria, dclerd fr him: n īvn Stigand, ɖ petriotic arćbiṣ́p v Canṭbri, faund it advîẓbl’—”
“Faund ẃt?” sd ɖ Duc.
“Faund it,” ɖ Mǎs rplaid rɖr crosli: “v cors y nǒ ẃt ‘it’ mīnz.”
“I nǒ ẃt ‘it’ mīnz wel inuf, ẃn I fînd a ʈñ,” sd ɖ Duc: “it’s jenṛli a frog or a wrm. Ɖ qsćn z, ẃt dd ɖ arćbiṣ́p fînd?”
Ɖ Mǎs dd nt notis ɖs qsćn, bt huridli wnt on, “—‘faund it advîẓbl t g wɖ Edgr Aʈ̇lñ t mīt Wiłm n ofr him ɖ crǎn. Wiłm’z conduct at frst wz modṛt. Bt ɖ insḷns v hiz Normnz’—Hǎ r y gtñ on nǎ, mî dir?” it cntinyd, trnñ t Alis az it spouc.
“Az wet az evr,” sd Alis in a meḷnc̣li ton: “it dz’nt sīm t drî m at ol.”
“In ɖt ces,” sd ɖ Dǒdo soḷmli, rîzñ t its fīt, “I muv ɖt ɖ mītñ ajrn, fr ɖ imīɉt adopśn v mor eṇjetic reṃdiz—”
“Spīc Ñgliś!” sd ɖ Īglit. “I d’nt nǒ ɖ mīnñ v haf ɖoz loñ wrdz, n, ẃt’s mor, I d’nt b’liv y d îɖr!” N ɖ Īglit bnt dǎn its hed t hîd a smîl: sm v ɖ uɖr brdz titrd ōḍbli.
“Ẃt I wz gwñ t se,” sd ɖ Dǒdo in an ofndd ton, “wz, ɖt ɖ bst ʈñ t gt s drî wd b a Cōc̣srês.”
“Ẃt z a Cōc̣srês?” sd Alis; nt ɖt ś wontd mć t nǒ, bt ɖ Dǒdo hd pōzd az f it ʈt ɖt smbdi òt t spīc, n nwn els sīmd inclînd t se enʈñ.
“Ẃ,” sd ɖ Dǒdo, “ɖ bst we t xplen it z t d it.” (N, az y mt lîc t trî ɖ ʈñ yrslf, sm wintrde, I wl tel y hǎ ɖ Dǒdo manijd it.)
Frst it marct ǎt a rêscors, in a sort v srcl, (“ɖ xact śep dz’nt matr,” it sd,) n ɖen ol ɖ parti wr plest alñ ɖ cors, hir n ɖr. Ɖr wz no “Wn, tū, ʈri, n awe,” bt ɖe bgan runñ ẃn ɖe lîct, n left of ẃn ɖe lîct, so ɖt it wz nt īzi t nǒ ẃn ɖ rês wz ovr. Hvr, ẃn ɖe hd bn runñ haf an aur or so, n wr qt drî agn, ɖ Dǒdo sudnli cōld ǎt “Ɖ rês z ovr!” n ɖe ol crǎdd rnd it, pantñ, n ascñ, “Bt hu hz wún?”
Ɖs qsćn ɖ Dǒdo cd nt ansr wɖt a gret dīl v ʈt, n it sat fr a loñ tîm wɖ wn fngr prest upn its fōrhed (ɖ pziśn in ẃć y yẓ́li si Śecspir, in ɖ picćrz v him), ẃl ɖ rest wêtd in sîḷns. At last ɖ Dǒdo sd, “Evrbdi hz wún, n ol mst hv prîzz.”
“Bt hu z t gv ɖ prîzz?” qt a cōṛs v vôsz asct.
“Ẃ, ś, v cors,” sd ɖ Dǒdo, pôntñ t Alis wɖ wn fngr; n ɖ hol parti at wns crǎdd rnd hr, cōlñ ǎt in a cnfyzd we, “Prîzz! Prîzz!”
Alis hd no îdīa ẃt t d, n in dsper ś pt hr hand in hr pocit, n pld ǎt a box v cumfits, (luc̣li ɖ sōltwōtr hd nt got intu it), n handd ɖm rnd az prîzz. Ɖr wz xacli wn a-pìs ol rnd.
“Bt ś mst hv a prîz hrslf, y nǒ,” sd ɖ Mǎs.
“V cors,” ɖ Dǒdo rplaid vri grevli. “Ẃt els hv y got in yr pocit?” h wnt on, trnñ t Alis.
“Onli a ʈimbl,” sd Alis sadli.
“Hand it ovr hir,” sd ɖ Dǒdo.
Ɖen ɖe ol crǎdd rnd hr wns mor, ẃl ɖ Dǒdo soḷmli prizntd ɖ ʈimbl, seyñ “W beg yr axptns v ɖs elignt ʈimbl”; n, ẃn it hd finiśt ɖs śort spīć, ɖe ol ćird.
Alis ʈt ɖ hol ʈñ vri absrd, bt ɖe ol lct so grev ɖt ś dd nt der t laf; n, az ś cd nt ʈnc v enʈñ t se, ś simpli baud, n tc ɖ ʈimbl, lcñ az soḷm az ś cd.
Ɖ nxt ʈñ wz t īt ɖ cumfits: ɖs cōzd sm nôz n cnfyźn, az ɖ larj brdz cmplend ɖt ɖe cd nt test ɖerz, n ɖ smōl wnz ćoct n hd t b patd on ɖ bac. Hvr, it wz ovr at last, n ɖe sat dǎn agn in a rñ, n begd ɖ Mǎs t tel ɖm smʈñ mor.
“Y promist t tel m yr hisṭri, y nǒ,” sd Alis, “n ẃ it z y het—C n D,” ś add in a ẃispr, haf afreid ɖt it wd b ofndd agn.
“Mîn z a loñ n a sad têl!” sd ɖ Mǎs, trnñ t Alis, n sayñ.
“It z a loñ teil, srtnli,” sd Alis, lcñ dǎn wɖ wundr at ɖ Mǎs’z teil; “bt ẃ d y cōl it sad?” N ś cept on puẓlñ abt it ẃl ɖ Mǎs wz spīcñ, so ɖt hr îdīa v ɖ têl wz smʈñ lîc ɖs:—
Fyri sd t a
mǎs, ɖt h
met in ɖ
hǎs,
“Let s
bʈ g t
lw: I wl
prosikt
y – Cm,
I’l tec no
dnîl; w
mst hv a
trîl: fr
riyli ɖs
mornñ I’v
nʈñ
t d.”
Sd ɖ
mǎs t ɖ
cr, “Sć
a trîl,
dir Sr,
wɖ
no jri
or juj,
wd b
westñ
ǎr
breʈ.”
“I’l b
juj, I’l
b jri,”
sd
cunñ
old Fyri.
“I’l
trî ɖ
hol
cōz,
n
cndem
y
t
deʈ.”
“Y r nt atndñ!” sd ɖ Mǎs t Alis svirli. “Ẃt r y ʈncñ v?”
“I beg yr pardn,” sd Alis vri humbli: “y hd got t ɖ fifʈ bnd, I ʈnc?”
“I hd nt!” craid ɖ Mǎs, śarpli n vri angṛli.
“A nót!” sd Alis, olwz redi t mc hrslf ysfl, n lcñ añśsli abt hr. “Ǒ, d let m hlp t undu it!”
“I śl d nʈñ v ɖ sort,” sd ɖ Mǎs, gtñ p n wōcñ awe. “Y insult m bî tōcñ sć nonsns!”
“I dd’nt mīn it!” plīdd pur Alis. “Bt y’r so īẓli ofndd, y nǒ!”
Ɖ Mǎs onli grǎld in rplî.
“Plīz cm bac n finiś yr stori!” Alis cōld aftr it; n ɖ uɖrz ol jônd in cōṛs, “Yes, plīz d!” bt ɖ Mǎs onli śc its hed impeśntli, n wōct a litl qcr.
“Ẃt a piti it wd’nt ste!” said ɖ Lōri, az sn az it wz qt ǎt v sît; n an old Crab tc ɖ oṗtyṇti v seyñ t hr dōtr “Ā, mî dir! Let ɖs b a lésn t y nvr t lūz yr tmpr!” “Hold yr tuñ, Ma!” sd ɖ yuñ Crab, a litl snapiśli. “Y’r inuf t trî ɖ peśns v an ôstr!”
“I wś I hd ǎr Dîna hir, I nǒ I d!” sd Alis alǎd, adresñ nbdi in ptiklr. “Ś’d sn feć it bac!”
“N hu z Dîna, f I mt vnćr t asc ɖ qsćn?” sd ɖ Lōri.
Alis rplaid īgrli, fr ś wz olwz redi t tōc abt hr pet: “Dîna’z ǎr cat. N ś’z sć a capitl wn fr caćñ mîs y c’nt ʈnc! N ǒ, I wś y cd si hr aftr ɖ brdz! Ẃ, ś’l īt a litl brd az sn az lc at it!”
Ɖs spīć cōzd a rmarcbl snseśn amñ ɖ parti. Sm v ɖ brdz hurid of at wns: wn old Magpî bgan rápñ itslf p vri cerf̣li, rmarcñ, “I riyli mst b gtñ hom; ɖ nît-er dz’nt sūt mî ʈrot!” n a C’nẹri cōld ǎt in a tremḅlñ vôs t its ćildṛn, “Cm awe, mî dirz! It’s hî tîm y wr ol in bed!” On verịs prītxts ɖe ol muvd of, n Alis wz sn left alon.
“I wś I hd’nt mnśnd Dîna!” ś sd t hrslf in a meḷnc̣li ton. “Nbdi sīmz t lîc hr, dǎn hir, n I’m śr ś’z ɖ bst cat in ɖ wrld! Ǒ, mî dir Dîna! I wundr f I śl evr si y eni mor!” N hir pur Alis bgan t crî agn, fr ś flt vri lonli n lo-spiṛtd. In a litl ẃl, hvr, ś agn hŕd a litl paṭrñ v ftsteps in ɖ distns, n ś lct p īgrli, haf hopñ ɖt ɖ Mǎs hd ćenjd hiz mînd, n wz cmñ bac t finiś hiz stori.
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