(Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland – Chapter VI: Pig and Pepper – by Lewis Carroll, transcribed into Ñspel, a new way of spelling devised by Frank Johnson. With audio accompaniment.)
F
r a minit or tū ś std lcñ at ɖ hǎs, n wunḍrñ ẃt t d nxt, ẃn sudnli a ftmn in liṿri cem runñ ǎt v ɖ wŭd—(ś cnsidrd him t b a ftmn bcz h wz in liṿri: uɖwz, jujñ bî hiz fes onli, ś wd hv cōld him a fiś)—n rapt lǎdli at ɖ dor wɖ hiz nuclz. It wz opnd bî anɖr ftmn in liṿri, wɖ a rǎnd fes, n larj îz lîc a frog; n bʈ ftṃn, Alis notist, hd pǎdrd her ɖt crld ol ovr ɖer hedz. Ś flt vri krịs t nǒ ẃt it wz ol abt, n crept a litl we ǎt v ɖ wŭd t lisn.
Ɖ Fiś-Ftmn bgan bî pṛdysñ fṛm undr hiz arm a gret letr, nirli az larj az himslf, n ɖs h handd ovr t ɖ uɖr, seyñ, in a soḷm ton, “Fr ɖ Dućis. An inṿteśn fṛm ɖ Qīn t ple croce.” Ɖ Frog-Ftmn rpitd, in ɖ sem soḷm ton, onli ćenjñ ɖ ordr v ɖ wrdz a litl, “Fṛm ɖ Qīn. An inṿteśn fr ɖ Dućis t ple croce.”
Ɖen ɖe bʈ baud lo, n ɖer crlz got intangld tgɖr.
Alis laft so mć at ɖs, ɖt ś hd t run bac intu ɖ wŭd fr fir v ɖer hírñ hr; n ẃn ś nxt pīpt ǎt ɖ Fiś-Ftmn wz gn, n ɖ uɖr wz sitñ on ɖ grǎnd nir ɖ dor, stẹrñ styṗdli p intu ɖ scî.
Alis wnt timidli p t ɖ dor, n noct.
“Ɖr’z no sort v ys in nocñ,” sd ɖ Ftmn, “n ɖt fr tū rīznz. Frst, bcz I’m on ɖ sem sîd v ɖ dor az y r; secndli, bcz ɖ’r mcñ sć a nôz insd, nwn cd poṣbli hír y.” N srtnli ɖr wz a most xtrordnri nôz gwñ on wɖn—a constnt hǎlñ n snizñ, n evri nǎ n ɖen a gret craś, az f a diś or cetl hd bn brocn t pìsz.
“Plīz, ɖen,” sd Alis, “hǎ am I t gt in?”
“Ɖr mt b sm sns in yr nocñ,” ɖ Ftmn wnt on wɖt atndñ t hr, “f w hd ɖ dor btwn s. Fr instns, f y wr insd, y mt noc, n I cd let y ǎt, y nǒ.” H wz lcñ p intu ɖ scî ol ɖ tîm h wz spīcñ, n ɖs Alis ʈt dsîdidli unsivl. “Bt phps h c’nt hlp it,” ś sd t hrslf; “hiz îz r so vri nirli at ɖ top v hiz hed. Bt at eni ret h mt ansr qsćnz.—Hǎ am I t gt in?” ś rpitd, alǎd.
“I śl sit hir,” ɖ Ftmn rmarct, “tl tmro—”
At ɖs momnt ɖ dor v ɖ hǎs opnd, n a larj plet cem scimñ ǎt, stret at ɖ Ftmn’z hed: it jst grezd hiz nǒz, n brouc t pìsz agnst wn v ɖ triz bhnd him.
“—or nxt de, mbi,” ɖ Ftmn cntinyd in ɖ sem ton, xacli az f nʈñ hd hapnd.
“Hǎ am I t gt in?” asct Alis agn, in a lǎdr ton.
“R y t gt in at ol?” sd ɖ Ftmn. “Ɖt’s ɖ frst qsćn, y nǒ.”
It wz, no dǎt: onli Alis dd nt lîc t b tld so. “It’s riyli dredfl,” ś mutrd t hrslf, “ɖ we ol ɖ crīćrz argy. It’s inuf t drîv wn crezi!”
Ɖ Ftmn sīmd t ʈnc ɖs a gd oṗtyṇti fr rpitñ hiz rmarc, wɖ verieśnz. “I śl sit hir,” h sd, “on n of, fr dez n dez.”
“Bt ẃt am I t d?” sd Alis.
“Enʈñ y lîc,” sd ɖ Ftmn, n bgan ẃiṣlñ.
“Ǒ, ɖr’z no ys in tōcñ t him,” sd Alis despṛtli: “h’z prf̣cli idiotic!” N ś opnd ɖ dor n wnt in.
Ɖ dor léd rît intu a larj cićn, ẃć wz fl v smoc fṛm wn end t ɖ uɖr: ɖ Dućis wz sitñ on a ʈri-legid stūl in ɖ midl, nrsñ a bebi; ɖ cc wz līnñ ovr ɖ fîr, stŕñ a larj cōldṛn ẃć sīmd t b fl v sūp.
“Ɖr’z srtnli tù mć pépr in ɖt sūp!” Alis sd t hrslf, az wel az ś cd fr snizñ.
Ɖr wz srtnli tù mć v it in ɖ er. Īvn ɖ Dućis snizd oceźṇli; n az fr ɖ bebi, it wz snizñ n hǎlñ oltrṇtli wɖt a momnt’s pōz. Ɖ onli ʈñz in ɖ cićn ɖt dd nt snīz, wr ɖ cc, n a larj cat ẃć wz sitñ on ɖ harʈ n grinñ fṛm ir t ir.
“Plīz wd y tel m,” sd Alis, a litl timidli, fr ś wz nt qt śr ẃɖr it wz gd manrz fr hr t spīc frst, “ẃ yr cat grinz lîc ɖt?”
“It’s a Ćeśr cat,” sd ɖ Dućis, “n ɖt’s ẃ. Pig!”
Ś sd ɖ last wrd wɖ sć sudn vayḷns ɖt Alis qt jumt; bt ś sw in anɖr momnt ɖt it wz adrest t ɖ bebi, n nt t hr, so ś tc curij, n wnt on agn:—
“I dd’nt nǒ ɖt Ćeśr cats olwz grind; in fact, I dd’nt nǒ ɖt cats cd grin.”
“Ɖe ol cn,” sd ɖ Dućis; “n most v ’m d.”
“I d’nt nǒ v eni ɖt d,” Alis sd vri p’lîtli, fīlñ qt plizd t hv got intu a convseśn.
“Y d’nt nǒ mć,” sd ɖ Dućis; “n ɖt’s a fact.”
Alis dd nt at ol lîc ɖ ton v ɖs rmarc, n ʈt it wd b az wel t intṛdys sm uɖr subjict v convseśn. Ẃl ś wz trayñ t fix on wn, ɖ cc tc ɖ cōldṛn v sūp of ɖ fîr, n at wns set t wrc ʈrowñ evrʈñ wɖn hr rīć at ɖ Dućis n ɖ bebi—ɖ fîr-aynz cem frst; ɖen foloud a śǎr v sōspnz, plets, n diśz. Ɖ Dućis tc no notis v ɖm īvn ẃn ɖe hit hr; n ɖ bebi wz hǎlñ so mć olrdi, ɖt it wz qt imposbl t se ẃɖr ɖ bloz hrt it or nt.
“Ǒ, plīz mînd ẃt y’r dwñ!” craid Alis, jumpñ p n dǎn in an aġni v terr. “Ǒ, ɖr gz hiz preśs nǒz”; az an unyẓ́li larj sōspn flù clos bî it, n vri nirli carid it of.
“F evrbdi mîndd ɖer ǒn biznis,” ɖ Dućis sd in a hōrs grǎl, “ɖ wrld wd g rnd a dīl fastr ɖn it dz.”
“Ẃć wd nt b an advantij,” sd Alis, hu flt vri glad t gt an oṗtyṇti v śowñ of a litl v hr nolij. “Jst ʈnc v ẃt wrc it wd mc wɖ ɖ de n nît! Y si ɖ rʈ tecs twenti-for aurz t trn rnd on its axis—”
“Tōcñ v axz,” sd ɖ Dućis, “ćop of hr hed!”
Alis glanst rɖr añśsli at ɖ cc, t si f ś mnt t tec ɖ hint; bt ɖ cc wz biẓli stŕñ ɖ sūp, n sīmd nt t b liṣnñ, so ś wnt on agn: “Twenti-for aurz, I ʈnc; or z it twelv? I—”
“Ǒ, d’nt boɖr m,” sd ɖ Dućis; “I nvr cd abîd figrz!” N wɖ ɖt ś bgan nrsñ hr ćîld agn, sññ a sort v luḷbî t it az ś dd so, n gvñ it a vayḷnt śec at ɖ end v evri lîn:
“Spīc rufli t yr litl bô,
N bìt him ẃn h snizz:
H onli dz it t anô,
Bcz h nz it tizz.”
CŌṚS.
(In ẃć ɖ cc n ɖ bebi jônd):—
“Wǎ! wǎ! wǎ!”
Ẃl ɖ Dućis sañ ɖ secnd vrs v ɖ soñ, ś cept tosñ ɖ bebi vayḷntli p n dǎn, n ɖ pur litl ʈñ hǎld so, ɖt Alis cd hardli hír ɖ wrdz:—
“I spīc svirli t mî bô,
I bìt him ẃn h snizz;
Fr h cn ʈuṛli injô
Ɖ pépr ẃn h plizz!”
CŌṚS.
“Wǎ! wǎ! wǎ!”
“Hir! y me nrs it a bit, f y lîc!” ɖ Dućis sd t Alis, flññ ɖ bebi at hr az ś spouc. “I mst g n gt redi t ple croce wɖ ɖ Qīn,” n ś hurid ǎt v ɖ rūm. Ɖ cc ʈrù a frayñpan aftr hr az ś wnt ǎt, bt it jst míst hr.
Alis còt ɖ bebi wɖ sm dificlti, az it wz a qir-śept litl crīćr, n hld ǎt its armz n legz in ol d’rex́nz, “jst lîc a starfiś,” ʈt Alis. Ɖ pur litl ʈñ wz snortñ lîc a stīm-enjin ẃn ś còt it, n cept duḅlñ itslf p n streṭnñ itslf ǎt agn, so ɖt oltgɖr, fr ɖ frst minit or tū, it wz az mć az ś cd d t hold it.
Az sn az ś hd md ǎt ɖ propr we v nrsñ it, (ẃć wz t twist it p intu a sort v nót, n ɖen cīp tît hold v its rît ir n left ft, so az t privnt its unduwñ itslf,) ś carid it ǎt intu ɖ opn er. “F I d’nt tec ɖs ćîld awe wɖ m,” ʈt Alis, “ɖ’r śr t cil it in a de or tū: wd’nt it b mrdr t līv it bhnd?” Ś sd ɖ last wrdz ǎt lǎd, n ɖ litl ʈñ gruntd in rplî (it hd left of snizñ bî ɖs tîm). “D’nt grunt,” sd Alis; “ɖt’s nt at ol a propr we v xpresñ yrslf.”
Ɖ bebi gruntd agn, n Alis lct vri añśsli intu its fes t si ẃt wz ɖ matr wɖ it. Ɖr cd b no dǎt ɖt it hd a vri trn-up nǒz, mć mor lîc a snǎt ɖn a riyl nǒz; olso its îz wr gtñ xtrimli smōl fr a bebi: oltgɖr Alis dd nt lîc ɖ lc v ɖ ʈñ at ol. “Bt phps it wz onli sobñ,” ś ʈt, n lct intu its îz agn, t si f ɖr wr eni tirz.
No, ɖr wr no tirz. “F y’r gwñ t trn intu a pig, mî dir,” sd Alis, sirịsli, “I’l hv nʈñ mor t d wɖ y. Mînd nǎ!” Ɖ pur litl ʈñ sobd agn (or gruntd, it wz imposbl t se ẃć), n ɖe wnt on fr sm ẃl in sîḷns.
Alis wz jst bginñ t ʈnc t hrslf, “Nǎ, ẃt am I t d wɖ ɖs crīćr ẃn I gt it hom?” ẃn it gruntd agn, so vayḷntli, ɖt ś lct dǎn intu its fes in sm alarm. Ɖs tîm ɖr cd b no mstec abt it: it wz nɖr mor nr les ɖn a pig, n ś flt ɖt it wd b qt absrd fr hr t cari it frɖr.
So ś set ɖ litl crīćr dǎn, n flt qt rlivd t si it trot awe qaytli intu ɖ wŭd. “F it hd groun p,” ś sd t hrslf, “it wd hv md a dredf̣li ugli ćîld: bt it mcs rɖr a hansm pig, I ʈnc.” N ś bgan ʈncñ ovr uɖr ćildṛn ś ń, hu mt d vri wel az pigz, n wz jst seyñ t hrslf, “f wn onli ń ɖ rît we t ćenj ɖm—” ẃn ś wz a litl startld bî siyñ ɖ Ćeśr Cat sitñ on a bau v a tri a fy yardz of.
Ɖ Cat onli grind ẃn it sw Alis. It lct gd-nećrd, ś ʈt: stl it hd vri loñ clwz n a gret mni tīʈ, so ś flt ɖt it òt t b trītd wɖ rspct.
“Ćeśr Ps,” ś bgan, rɖr timidli, az ś dd nt at ol nǒ ẃɖr it wd lîc ɖ nem: hvr, it onli grind a litl wîdr. “Cm, it’s plizd so far,” ʈt Alis, n ś wnt on. “Wd y tel m, plīz, ẃć we I òt t g fṛm hir?”
“Ɖt dpndz a gd dīl on ẃr y wont t gt t,” sd ɖ Cat.
“I d’nt mć cer ẃr—” sd Alis.
“Ɖen it dz’nt matr ẃć we y g,” sd ɖ Cat.
“—so loñ az I gt smẃr,” Alis add az an xpḷneśn.
“Ǒ, y’r śr t d ɖt,” sd ɖ Cat, “f y onli wōc loñ inuf.”
Alis flt ɖt ɖs cd nt b dnaid, so ś traid anɖr qsćn. “Ẃt sort v ppl liv abt hir?”
“In ɖt d’rex́n,” ɖ Cat sd, wevñ its rît pw rnd, “livz a Hatr: n in ɖt d’rex́n,” wevñ ɖ uɖr pw, “livz a Marć Hér. Vizit îɖr y lîc: ɖ’r bʈ mad.”
“Bt I d’nt wont t g amñ mad ppl,” Alis rmarct.
“Ǒ, y c’nt hlp ɖt,” sd ɖ Cat: “w’r ol mad hir. I’m mad. Y’r mad.”
“Hǎ d y nǒ I’m mad?” sd Alis.
“Y mst b,” sd ɖ Cat, “or y wd’nt hv cm hir.”
Alis dd’nt ʈnc ɖt pruvd it at ol; hvr, ś wnt on “N hǎ d y nǒ ɖt y’r mad?”
“T bgin wɖ,” sd ɖ Cat, “a dog’z nt mad. Y grant ɖt?”
“I s’poz so,” sd Alis.
“Wel, ɖen,” ɖ Cat wnt on, “y si, a dog grǎlz ẃn it’s angri, n wagz its teil ẃn it’s plizd. Nǎ I grǎl ẃn I’m plizd, n wag mî teil ẃn I’m angri. Ɖrfr I’m mad.”
“I cōl it pŕñ, nt grǎlñ,” sd Alis.
“Cōl it ẃt y lîc,” sd ɖ Cat. “D y ple croce wɖ ɖ Qīn tde?”
“I śd lîc it vri mć,” sd Alis, “bt I hv’nt bn invîtd yt.”
“Y’l si m ɖr,” sd ɖ Cat, n vaniśt.
Alis wz nt mć s’prîzd at ɖs, ś wz gtñ so yst t qir ʈñz haṗnñ. Ẃl ś wz lcñ at ɖ ples ẃr it hd bn, it sudnli apird agn.
“Bî-ɖ-bî, ẃt bcem v ɖ bebi?” sd ɖ Cat. “I’d nirli fgotn t asc.”
“It trnd intu a pig,” Alis qaytli sd, jst az f it hd cm bac in a naćṛl we.
“I ʈt it wd,” sd ɖ Cat, n vaniśt agn.
Alis wêtd a litl, haf xpctñ t si it agn, bt it dd nt apir, n aftr a minit or tū ś wōct on in ɖ d’rex́n in ẃć ɖ Marć Hér wz sd t liv. “I’v sìn hatrz bfr,” ś sd t hrslf; “ɖ Marć Hér wl b mć ɖ most inṭrestñ, n phps az ɖs z Me it w’nt b revñ mad—at līst nt so mad az it wz in Marć.” Az ś sd ɖs, ś lct p, n ɖr wz ɖ Cat agn, sitñ on a branć v a tri.
“Dd y se pig, or fig?” sd ɖ Cat.
“I sd pig,” rplaid Alis; “n I wś y wd’nt cīp apirñ n vaṇśñ so sudnli: y mc wn qt gidi.”
“Ol rît,” sd ɖ Cat; n ɖs tîm it vaniśt qt slǒli, bginñ wɖ ɖ end v ɖ teil, n endñ wɖ ɖ grin, ẃć rmend sm tîm aftr ɖ rest v it hd gn.
“Wel! I’v ofn sìn a cat wɖt a grin,” ʈt Alis; “bt a grin wɖt a cat! It’s ɖ most krịs ʈñ I evr sw in mî lîf!”
Ś hd nt gn mć farɖr bfr ś cem in sît v ɖ hǎs v ɖ Marć Hér: ś ʈt it mst b ɖ rît hǎs, bcz ɖ ćimniz wr śept lîc irz n ɖ rūf wz ʈaćt wɖ fŕ. It wz so larj a hǎs, ɖt ś dd nt lîc t g nirr tl ś hd nibld sm mor v ɖ lefthand bit v muśrum, n rezd hrslf t abt tū fīt hî: īvn ɖen ś wōct p twdz it rɖr timidli, seyñ t hrslf “S’poz it śd b revñ mad aftr ol! I olmst wś I’d gn t si ɖ Hatr instd!”