(Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland – Chapter XI: Who Stole the Tarts? – by Lewis Carroll, transcribed into Ñspel, a new way of spelling devised by Frank Johnson. With audio accompaniment.)
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Cñ n Qīn v Hārts wr sītd on ɖer ʈron ẃn ɖe arîvd, wɖ a gret crǎd asmbld abt ɖm—ol sorts v litl brdz n bīsts, az wel az ɖ hol pac v cardz: ɖ Nev wz standñ bfr ɖm, in ćenz, wɖ a soljr on ć sîd t gard him; n nir ɖ Cñ wz ɖ Ẃît Rabit, wɖ a trumpit in wn hand, n a scrol v parćmnt in ɖ uɖr. In ɖ vri midl v ɖ cort wz a tebl, wɖ a larj diś v tarts upn it: ɖe lct so gd, ɖt it md Alis qt hungri t lc at ɖm—”I wś ɖ’d gt ɖ trîl dn,” ś ʈt, “n hand rnd ɖ rfreśmnts!” Bt ɖr sīmd t b no ćans v ɖs, so ś bgan lcñ at evrʈñ abt hr, t pas awe ɖ tîm.
Alis hd nvr bn in a cort v justis bfr, bt ś hd réd abt ɖm in bcs, n ś wz qt plizd t fînd ɖt ś ń ɖ nem v nirli evrʈñ ɖr. “Ɖt’s ɖ juj,” ś sd t hrslf, “bcz v hiz gret wig.”
Ɖ juj, bî ɖ we, wz ɖ Cñ; n az h wòr hiz crǎn ovr ɖ wig, (lc at ɖ frunṭspìs f y wont t si hǎ h dd it,) h dd nt lc at ol cumf̣tbl, n it wz srtnli nt bcmñ.
“N ɖt’s ɖ jribox,” ʈt Alis, “n ɖoz twelv crīćrz,” (ś wz oblîjd t se “crīćrz,” y si, bcz sm v ɖm wr animlz, n sm wr brdz,) “I s’poz ɖe r ɖ jrrz.” Ś sd ɖs last wrd tū or ʈri tîmz ovr t hrslf, biyñ rɖr prǎd v it: fr ś ʈt, n rîtli tù, ɖt vri fy litl grlz v hr ej ń ɖ mīnñ v it at ol. Hvr, “jriṃn” wd hv dn jst az wel.
Ɖ twelv jrrz wr ol raitñ vri biẓli on slets. “Ẃt r ɖe dwñ?” Alis ẃisprd t ɖ Grifn. “Ɖe c’nt hv enʈñ t pt dǎn yt, bfr ɖ trîl’z bgun.”
“Ɖ’r ptñ dǎn ɖer nemz,” ɖ Grifn ẃisprd in rplî, “fr fir ɖe śd fget ɖm bfr ɖ end v ɖ trîl.”
“Stypid ʈñz!” Alis bgan in a lǎd, indignnt vôs, bt ś stopt hesṭli, fr ɖ Ẃît Rabit craid ǎt, “Sîḷns in ɖ cort!” n ɖ Cñ pt on hiz specṭclz n lct añśsli rnd, t mc ǎt hu wz tōcñ.
Alis cd si, az wel az f ś wr lcñ ovr ɖer śoldrz, ɖt ol ɖ jrrz wr raitñ dǎn “stypid ʈñz!” on ɖer slets, n ś cd īvn mc ǎt ɖt wn v ɖm dd’nt nǒ hǎ t spel “stypid,” n ɖt h hd t asc hiz nebr t tel him. “A nîs mudl ɖer slets’l b in bfr ɖ trîl’z ovr!” ʈt Alis.
Wn v ɖ jrrz hd a pensl ɖt sqīct. Ɖs v cors, Alis cd nt stand, n ś wnt rnd ɖ cort n got bhnd him, n vri sn faund an oṗtyṇti v tecñ it awe. Ś dd it so qcli ɖt ɖ pur litl jrr (it wz Bil, ɖ Liẓd) cd nt mc ǎt at ol ẃt hd bcm v it; so, aftr huntñ ol abt fr it, h wz oblîjd t rait wɖ wn fngr fr ɖ rest v ɖ de; n ɖs wz v vri litl ys, az it left no marc on ɖ slet.
“Heṛld, rīd ɖ akześn!” sd ɖ Cñ.
On ɖs ɖ Ẃît Rabit blù ʈri blasts on ɖ trumpit, n ɖen unrold ɖ parćmntscrol, n réd az foloz:—
“Ɖ Qīn v Hārts, ś md sm tarts,
Ol on a sumrde:
Ɖ Nev v Hārts, h stoul ɖoz tarts,
N tc ɖm qt awe!”
“Cnsidr yr vrdict,” ɖ Cñ sd t ɖ jri.
“Nt yt, nt yt!” ɖ Rabit hesṭli inṭruptd. “Ɖr’z a gret dīl t cm bfr ɖt!”
“Cōl ɖ frst witnis,” sd ɖ Cñ; n ɖ Ẃît Rabit blù ʈri blasts on ɖ trumpit, n cōld ǎt, “Frst witnis!”
Ɖ frst witnis wz ɖ Hatr. H cem in wɖ a tīcup in wn hand n a pìs v bred-n-butr in ɖ uɖr. “I beg pardn, yr Maɉsti,” h bgan, “fr brññ ɖz in: bt I hd’nt qt finiśt mî ti ẃn I wz snt fr.”
“Y òt t hv finiśt,” sd ɖ Cñ. “Ẃn dd y bgin?”
Ɖ Hatr lct at ɖ Marć Hér, hu hd foloud him intu ɖ cort, arm-in-arm wɖ ɖ Dormǎs. “Fortīnʈ v Marć, I ʈnc it wz,” h sd.
“Fiftīnʈ,” sd ɖ Marć Hér.
“Sixtīnʈ,” add ɖ Dormǎs.
“Rait ɖt dǎn,” ɖ Cñ sd t ɖ jri, n ɖ jri īgrli rout dǎn ol ʈri dets on ɖer slets, n ɖen add ɖm p, n rdyst ɖ ansr t śilñz n pns.
“Tec of yr hat,” ɖ Cñ sd t ɖ Hatr.
“It z’nt mîn,” sd ɖ Hatr.
“Stoḷn!” ɖ Cñ xclemd, trnñ t ɖ jri, hu instntli md a meṃrandm v ɖ fact.
“I cīp ɖm t sel,” ɖ Hatr add az an xpḷneśn; “I’v nn v mî ǒn. I’m a hatr.”
Hir ɖ Qīn pt on hr specṭclz, n bgan stẹrñ at ɖ Hatr, hu trnd pel n fiɉtd.
“Gv yr evidns,” sd ɖ Cñ; “n d’nt b nrṿs, or I’l hv y x’ktd on ɖ spot.”
Ɖs dd nt sīm t incurij ɖ witnis at ol: h cept śiftñ fṛm wn ft t ɖ uɖr, lcñ unīẓli at ɖ Qīn, n in hiz cnfyźn h bit a larj pìs ǎt v hiz tīcup instd v ɖ bred-n-butr.
Jst at ɖs momnt Alis flt a vri krịs snseśn, ẃć puzld hr a gd dīl untl ś md ǎt ẃt it wz: ś wz bginñ t gro larjr agn, n ś ʈt at frst ś wd gt p n līv ɖ cort; bt on secnd ʈts ś dsîdd t rmen ẃr ś wz az loñ az ɖr wz rūm fr hr.
“I wś y wd’nt sqīz so.” sd ɖ Dormǎs, hu wz sitñ nxt t hr. “I cn hardli briɖ.”
“I c’nt hlp it,” sd Alis vri mīcli: “I’m growñ.”
“Y’v no rît t gro hir,” sd ɖ Dormǎs.
“D’nt tōc nonsns,” sd Alis mor boldli: “y nǒ y’r growñ tù.”
“Yes, bt I gro at a rīzṇbl pes,” sd ɖ Dormǎs: “nt in ɖt r’dikyḷs faśn.” N h got p vri sulc̣li n crost ovr t ɖ uɖr sîd v ɖ cort.
Ol ɖs tîm ɖ Qīn hd nvr left of stẹrñ at ɖ Hatr, n, jst az ɖ Dormǎs crost ɖ cort, ś sd t wn v ɖ ofisrz v ɖ cort, “Brñ m ɖ list v ɖ sñrz in ɖ last conṣt!” on ẃć ɖ rećid Hatr trembld so, ɖt h śc bʈ hiz śuz of.
“Gv yr evidns,” ɖ Cñ rpitd angṛli, “or I’l hv y x’ktd, ẃɖr y’r nrṿs or nt.”
“I’m a pur man, yr Maɉsti,” ɖ Hatr bgan, in a tremḅlñ vôs, “—n I hd’nt bgun mî ti—nt abv a wīc or so—n ẃt wɖ ɖ bred-n-butr gtñ so ʈin—n ɖ twnclñ v ɖ ti—”
“Ɖ twnclñ v ɖ ẃt?” sd ɖ Cñ.
“It bgan wɖ ɖ ti,” ɖ Hatr rplaid.
“V cors twnclñ bginz wɖ a T!” sd ɖ Cñ śarpli. “D y tec m fr a duns? G on!”
“I’m a pur man,” ɖ Hatr wnt on, “n most ʈñz twncld aftr ɖt—onli ɖ Marć Hér sd—”
“I dd’nt!” ɖ Marć Hér inṭruptd in a gret huri.
“Y dd!” sd ɖ Hatr.
“I dnî it!” sd ɖ Marć Hér.
“H dnîz it,” sd ɖ Cñ: “līv ǎt ɖt part.”
“Wel, at eni ret, ɖ Dormǎs sd—” ɖ Hatr wnt on, lcñ añśsli rnd t si f h wd dnî it tù: bt ɖ Dormǎs dnaid nʈñ, biyñ fast aslip.
“Aftr ɖt,” cntinyd ɖ Hatr, “I cut sm mor bred-n-butr—”
“Bt ẃt dd ɖ Dormǎs se?” wn v ɖ jri asct.
“Ɖt I c’nt rmembr,” sd ɖ Hatr.
“Y mst rmembr,” rmarct ɖ Cñ, “or I’l hv y x’ktd.”
Ɖ mizṛbl Hatr dropt hiz tīcup n bred-n-butr, n wnt dǎn on wn ni. “I’m a pur man, yr Maɉsti,” h bgan.
“Y’r a vri pur spīcr,” sd ɖ Cñ.
Hir wn v ɖ ginipigz ćird, n wz imīɉtli s’prest bî ɖ ofisrz v ɖ cort. (Az ɖt z rɖr a hard wrd, I wl jst xplen t y hǎ it wz dn. Ɖe hd a larj canvs bag, ẃć taid p at ɖ mǎʈ wɖ strñz: intu ɖs ɖe slipt ɖ ginipig, hed frst, n ɖen sat upn it.)
“I’m glad I’v sìn ɖt dn,” ʈt Alis. “I’v so ofn réd in ɖ nyzpeprz, at ɖ end v trîlz, ‘Ɖr wz sm atmts at aplōz, ẃć wz imīɉtli s’prest bî ɖ ofisrz v ɖ cort,’ n I nvr unḍstd ẃt it mnt tl nǎ.”
“F ɖt’s ol y nǒ abt it, y me stand dǎn,” cntinyd ɖ Cñ.
“I c’nt g no lowr,” sd ɖ Hatr: “I’m on ɖ flor, az it z.”
“Ɖen y me sit dǎn,” ɖ Cñ rplaid.
Hir ɖ uɖr ginipig ćird, n wz s’prest.
“Cm, ɖt finiśt ɖ ginipigz!” ʈt Alis. “Nǎ w śl gt on betr.”
“I’d rɖr finiś mî ti,” sd ɖ Hatr, wɖ an añśs lc at ɖ Qīn, hu wz rīdñ ɖ list v sñrz.
“Y me g,” sd ɖ Cñ, n ɖ Hatr huṛdli left ɖ cort, wɖt īvn wêtñ t pt hiz śuz on.
“—n jst tec hiz hed of ǎtsd,” ɖ Qīn add t wn v ɖ ofisrz: bt ɖ Hatr wz ǎt v sît bfr ɖ ofisr cd gt t ɖ dor.
“Cōl ɖ nxt witnis!” sd ɖ Cñ.
Ɖ nxt witnis wz ɖ Dućis’z cc. Ś carid ɖ péprbox in hr hand, n Alis gést hu it wz, īvn bfr ś got intu ɖ cort, bî ɖ we ɖ ppl nir ɖ dor bgan snizñ ol at wns.
“Gv yr evidns,” sd ɖ Cñ.
“Ś’nt,” sd ɖ cc.
Ɖ Cñ lct añśsli at ɖ Ẃît Rabit, hu sd in a lo vôs, “Yr Maɉsti mst crosxamin ɖs witnis.”
“Wel, f I mst, I mst,” ɖ Cñ sd, wɖ a meḷnc̣li er, n, aftr foldñ hiz armz n frǎnñ at ɖ cc tl hiz îz wr nirli ǎt v sît, h sd in a dīp vôs, “Ẃt r tarts md v?”
“Pépr, mostli,” sd ɖ cc.
“Trīcl,” sd a slīpi vôs bhnd hr.
“Colr ɖt Dormǎs,” ɖ Qīn śrīct ǎt. “Bhéd ɖt Dormǎs! Trn ɖt Dormǎs ǎt v cort! S’pres him! Pinć him! Of wɖ hiz ẃiscrz!”
Fr sm minits ɖ hol cort wz in cnfyźn, gtñ ɖ Dormǎs trnd ǎt, n, bî ɖ tîm ɖe hd setld dǎn agn, ɖ cc hd dis’pird.
“Nvr mînd!” sd ɖ Cñ, wɖ an er v gret rlif. “Cōl ɖ nxt witnis.” N h add in an unḍton t ɖ Qīn, “Riyli, mî dir, y mst crosxamin ɖ nxt witnis. It qt mcs mî fōrhed ec!”
Alis woćt ɖ Ẃît Rabit az h fumbld ovr ɖ list, fīlñ vri krịs t si ẃt ɖ nxt witnis wd b lîc, “—fr ɖe hv’nt got mć evidns yt,” ś sd t hrslf. Imajn hr s’prîz, ẃn ɖ Ẃît Rabit réd ǎt, at ɖ top v hiz śril litl vôs, ɖ nem “Alis!”
