(Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland – Chapter XII: Alice’s Evidence – by Lewis Carroll, transcribed into Ñspel, a new way of spelling devised by Frank Johnson. With audio accompaniment.)
“H
ir!” craid Alis, qt fgetñ in ɖ fluri v ɖ momnt hǎ larj ś hd groun in ɖ last fy minits, n ś jumt p in sć a huri ɖt ś tipt ovr ɖ jribox wɖ ɖ éj v hr scrt, upsetñ ol ɖ jriṃn on t ɖ hedz v ɖ crǎd b’lo, n ɖr ɖe le sprōlñ abt, rmîndñ hr vri mć v a glob v goldfiś ś hd axdntli upset ɖ wīc bfr.
“Ǒ, I beg yr pardn!” ś xclemd in a ton v gret dsme, n bgan picñ ɖm p agn az qcli az ś cd, fr ɖ axidnt v ɖ goldfiś cept runñ in hr hed, n ś hd a veg sort v îdīa ɖt ɖe mst b c’lectd at wns n pt bac intu ɖ jribox, or ɖe wd dî.
“Ɖ trîl canot pṛsid,” sd ɖ Cñ in a vri grev vôs, “untl ol ɖ jriṃn r bac in ɖer propr plesz—ol,” h rpitd wɖ gret emf̣sis, lcñ hard at Alis az h sd so.
Alis lct at ɖ jribox, n sw ɖt, in hr hest, ś hd pt ɖ Liẓd in hed dǎnwdz, n ɖ pur litl ʈñ wz wevñ its teil abt in a meḷnc̣li we, biyñ qt unebl t muv. Ś sn got it ǎt agn, n pt it rît; “nt ɖt it sigṇfîz mć,” ś sd t hrslf; “I śd ʈnc it wd b qt az mć ys in ɖ trîl wn we p az ɖ uɖr.”
Az sn az ɖ jri hd a litl rcuvrd fṛm ɖ śoc v biyñ upset, n ɖer slets n pnslz hd bn faund n handd bac t ɖm, ɖe set t wrc vri dilijntli t rait ǎt a hisṭri v ɖ axidnt, ol xpt ɖ Liẓd, hu sīmd tù mć oṿcm t d enʈñ bt sit wɖ its mǎʈ opn, gezñ p intu ɖ rūf v ɖ cort.
“Ẃt d y nǒ abt ɖs biznis?” ɖ Cñ sd t Alis.
“Nʈñ,” sd Alis.
“Nʈñ ẃtvr?” psistd ɖ Cñ.
“Nʈñ ẃtvr,” sd Alis.
“Ɖt’s vri importnt,” ɖ Cñ sd, trnñ t ɖ jri. Ɖe wr jst bginñ t rait ɖs dǎn on ɖer slets, ẃn ɖ Ẃît Rabit inṭruptd: “Unimportnt, yr Maɉsti mīnz, v cors,” h sd in a vri rspctfl ton, bt frǎnñ n mcñ fesz at him az h spouc.
“Unimportnt, v cors, I mnt,” ɖ Cñ hesṭli sd, n wnt on t himslf in an unḍton, “importnt—unimportnt—unimportnt—importnt—” az f h wr trayñ ẃć wrd sǎndd bst.
Sm v ɖ jri rout it dǎn “importnt,” n sm “unimportnt.” Alis cd si ɖs, az ś wz nir inuf t lc ovr ɖer slets; “bt it dz’nt matr a bit,” ś ʈt t hrslf.
At ɖs momnt ɖ Cñ, hu hd bn fr sm tîm biẓli raitñ in hiz not-bc, cōld ǎt “Sîḷns!” n réd ǎt fṛm hiz bc, “Rūl Forti-tū. Ol prsnz mor ɖn a mîl hî t līv ɖ cort.”
Evrbdi lct at Alis.
“I’m nt a mîl hî,” sd Alis.
“Y r,” sd ɖ Cñ.
“Nirli tū mîlz hî,” add ɖ Qīn.
“Wel, I ś’nt g, at eni ret,” sd Alis: “bsdz, ɖt’s nt a reğlr rūl: y invntd it jst nǎ.”
“It’s ɖ oldist rūl in ɖ bc,” sd ɖ Cñ.
“Ɖen it òt t b Numbr Wn,” sd Alis.
Ɖ Cñ trnd pel, n śut hiz not-bc hesṭli. “Cnsidr yr vrdict,” h sd t ɖ jri, in a lo, tremḅlñ vôs.
“Ɖr’z mor evidns t cm yt, plīz yr Maɉsti,” sd ɖ Ẃît Rabit, jumpñ p in a gret huri; “ɖs pepr hz jst bn pict p.”
“Ẃt’s in it?” sd ɖ Qīn.
“I hv’nt opnd it yt,” sd ɖ Ẃît Rabit, “bt it sīmz t b a letr, ritn bî ɖ priznr t—t smbdi.”
“It mst hv bn ɖt,” sd ɖ Cñ, “unls it wz ritn t nbdi, ẃć z’nt yźl, y nǒ.”
“Hu z it d’rectd t?” sd wn v ɖ jriṃn.
“It z’nt d’rectd at ol,” sd ɖ Ẃît Rabit; “in fact, ɖr’z nʈñ ritn on ɖ ǎtsd.” H unfoldd ɖ pepr az h spouc, n add “It z’nt a letr, aftr ol: it’s a set v vrsz.”
“R ɖe in ɖ priznr’z handraitñ?” asct anɖr v ɖ jriṃn.
“No, ɖ’r nt,” sd ɖ Ẃît Rabit, “n ɖt’s ɖ qirist ʈñ abt it.” (Ɖ jri ol lct puzld.)
“H mst hv iṃtetd smbdi els’z hand,” sd ɖ Cñ. (Ɖ jri ol brîtnd p agn.)
“Plīz yr Maɉsti,” sd ɖ Nev, “I dd’nt rait it, n ɖe c’nt pruv I dd: ɖr’z no nem sînd at ɖ end.”
“F y dd’nt sîn it,” sd ɖ Cñ, “ɖt onli mcs ɖ matr wrs. Y mst hv mnt sm misćif, or els y’d hv sînd yr nem lîc an onist man.”
Ɖr wz a jenṛl clapñ v handz at ɖs: it wz ɖ frst riyli clevr ʈñ ɖ Cñ hd sd ɖt de.
“Ɖt pruvz hiz gilt,” sd ɖ Qīn.
“It pruvz nʈñ v ɖ sort!” sd Alis. “Ẃ, y d’nt īvn nǒ ẃt ɖ’r abt!”
“Rīd ɖm,” sd ɖ Cñ.
Ɖ Ẃît Rabit pt on hiz specṭclz. “Ẃr śl I bgin, plīz yr Maɉsti?” h asct.
“Bgin at ɖ bginñ,” ɖ Cñ sd grevli, “n g on tl y cm t ɖ end: ɖen stop.”
Ɖz wr ɖ vrsz ɖ Ẃît Rabit réd:—
“Ɖe tld m y hd bn t hr,
N mnśnd m t him:
Ś gev m a gd caṛctr,
Bt sd I cd nt swim.
H snt ɖm wrd I hd nt gn
(W nǒ it t b tru):
F ś śd pś ɖ matr on,
Ẃt wd bcm v y?
I gev hr wn, ɖe gev him tū,
Y gev s ʈri or mor;
Ɖe ol rtrnd fṛm him t y,
Ɖo ɖe wr mîn bfr.
F I or ś śd ćans t b
Involvd in ɖs afer,
H trusts t y t set ɖm fri,
Xacli az w wr.
Mî nośn wz ɖt y hd bn
(Bfr ś hd ɖs fit)
An obsṭcl ɖt cem btwn
Him, n ǎrslvz, n it.
D’nt let him nǒ ś lîct ɖm bst,
Fr ɖs mst evr b
A sīcrit, cept fṛm ol ɖ rest,
Btwn yrslf n m.”
“Ɖt’s ɖ most importnt pìs v evidns w’v hŕd yt,” sd ɖ Cñ, rubñ hiz handz; “so nǎ let ɖ jri—”
“F eni wn v ɖm cn xplen it,” sd Alis, (ś hd groun so larj in ɖ last fy minits ɖt ś wz’nt a bit afreid v inṭruptñ him,) “I’l gv him sixpns. I d’nt b’liv ɖr’z an atm v mīnñ in it.”
Ɖ jri ol rout dǎn on ɖer slets, “Ś dz’nt b’liv ɖr’z an atm v mīnñ in it,” bt nn v ɖm atmtd t xplen ɖ pepr.
“F ɖr’z no mīnñ in it,” sd ɖ Cñ, “ɖt sevz a wrld v trubl, y nǒ, az w nīd’nt trî t fînd eni. N yt I d’nt nǒ,” h wnt on, spredñ ǎt ɖ vrsz on hiz ni, n lcñ at ɖm wɖ wn î; “I sīm t si sm mīnñ in ɖm, aftr ol. ‘—sd I cd nt swim—’ y c’nt swim, cn y?” h add, trnñ t ɖ Nev.
Ɖ Nev śc hiz hed sadli. “D I lc lîc it?” h sd. (Ẃć h srtnli dd nt, biyñ md intîrli v cardbord.)
“Ol rît, so far,” sd ɖ Cñ, n h wnt on muṭrñ ovr ɖ vrsz t himslf: ‘“W nǒ it t b tru—’ ɖt’s ɖ jri, v cors—‘I gev hr wn, ɖe gev him tū—’ ẃ, ɖt mst b ẃt h dd wɖ ɖ tarts, y nǒ—”
“Bt, it gz on ‘ɖe ol rtrnd fṛm him t y’,” sd Alis.
“Ẃ, ɖr ɖe r!” sd ɖ Cñ trîumfntli, pôntñ t ɖ tarts on ɖ tebl. “Nʈñ cn b clirr ɖn ɖt. Ɖen agn—‘bfr ś hd ɖs fit—’ y nvr hd fits, mî dir, I ʈnc?” h sd t ɖ Qīn.
“Nvr!” sd ɖ Qīn fyrịsli, ʈrowñ an ñcstand at ɖ Liẓd az ś spouc. (Ɖ unforćṇt litl Bil hd left of raitñ on hiz slet wɖ wn fngr, az h faund it md no marc; bt h nǎ hesṭli bgan agn, yzñ ɖ ñc, ɖt wz tric̣lñ dǎn hiz fes, az loñ az it lastd.)
“Ɖen ɖ wrdz d’nt fit y,” sd ɖ Cñ, lcñ rnd ɖ cort wɖ a smîl. Ɖr wz a ded sîḷns.
“It’s a pun!” ɖ Cñ add in an ofndd ton, n evrbdi laft, “Let ɖ jri cnsidr ɖer vrdict,” ɖ Cñ sd, fr abt ɖ twentịʈ tîm ɖt de.
“No, no!” sd ɖ Qīn. “Sntns frst—vrdict aftwdz.”
“Stuf n nonsns!” sd Alis lǎdli. “Ɖ îdīa v hvñ ɖ sntns frst!”
“Hold yr tuñ!” sd ɖ Qīn, trnñ prpl.
“I w’nt!” sd Alis.
“Of wɖ hr hed!” ɖ Qīn śǎtd at ɖ top v hr vôs. Nbdi muvd.
“Hu cerz fr y?” sd Alis, (ś hd groun t hr fl sîz bî ɖs tîm.) “Y’r nʈñ bt a pac v cardz!”
At ɖs ɖ hol pac rouz p intu ɖ er, n cem flayñ dǎn upn hr: ś gev a litl scrīm, haf v frît n haf v angr, n traid t bìt ɖm of, n faund hrslf layñ on ɖ banc, wɖ hr hed in ɖ lap v hr sistr, hu wz jntli bruśñ awe sm ded līvz ɖt hd flutrd dǎn fṛm ɖ triz upn hr fes.
“Wec p, Alis dir!” sd hr sistr; “Ẃ, ẃt a loñ slīp y’v hd!”
“Ǒ, I’v hd sć a krịs drīm!” sd Alis, n ś tld hr sistr, az wel az ś cd rmembr ɖm, ol ɖz strenj Advnćrz v hrz ɖt y hv jst bn rīdñ abt; n ẃn ś hd finiśt, hr sistr cist hr, n sd, “It wz a krịs drīm, dir, srtnli: bt nǎ run in t yr ti; it’s gtñ lêt.” So Alis got p n ran of, ʈncñ ẃl ś ran, az wel ś mt, ẃt a wundrfl drīm it hd bn.
Bt hr sistr sat stil jst az ś left hr, līnñ hr hed on hr hand, woćñ ɖ setñ sún, n ʈncñ v litl Alis n ol hr wundrfl Advnćrz, tl ś tù bgan drīmñ aftr a faśn, n ɖs wz hr drīm:—
Frst, ś dremt v litl Alis hrslf, n wns agn ɖ tîni handz wr claspt upn hr ni, n ɖ brît īgr îz wr lcñ p intu hrz—ś cd hír ɖ vri tonz v hr vôs, n si ɖt qir litl tos v hr hed t cīp bac ɖ wonḍrñ her ɖt wd olwz gt intu hr îz—n stl az ś lisnd, or sīmd t lisn, ɖ hol ples arnd hr bcem alîv wɖ ɖ strenj crīćrz v hr litl sistr’z drīm.
Ɖ loñ gras rusld at hr fīt az ɖ Ẃît Rabit hurid bî—ɖ frîtnd Mǎs splaśt hiz we ʈru ɖ neḅrñ pūl—ś cd hír ɖ ratl v ɖ tīcups az ɖ Marć Hér n hiz frendz śerd ɖer nvr-endñ mīl, n ɖ śril vôs v ɖ Qīn orḍrñ of hr unforćṇt gests t x’kśn—wns mor ɖ pigbebi wz snizñ on ɖ Dućis’z ni, ẃl plets n diśz craśt arnd it—wns mor ɖ śrīc v ɖ Grifn, ɖ sqīcñ v ɖ Liẓd’z slet pensl, n ɖ ćocñ v ɖ s’prest ginipigz, fild ɖ er, mixt p wɖ ɖ distnt sobz v ɖ mizṛbl Moctrtl.
So ś sat on, wɖ clozd îz, n haf b’livd hrslf in Wunḍland, ɖo ś ń ś hd bt t opn ɖm agn, n ol wd ćenj t dul riaḷti—ɖ gras wd b onli ruṣlñ in ɖ wind, n ɖ pūl riplñ t ɖ wevñ v ɖ rìdz—ɖ raṭlñ tīcups wd ćenj t tnc̣lñ śīpbelz, n ɖ Qīn’z śril crîz t ɖ vôs v ɖ śeṗdbô—n ɖ snīz v ɖ bebi, ɖ śrīc v ɖ Grifn, n ol ɖ uɖr qir nôzz, wd ćenj (ś ń) t ɖ cnfyzd clamr v ɖ bizi farmyard—ẃl ɖ lowñ v ɖ catl in ɖ distns wd tec ɖ ples v ɖ Moctrtl’z hevi sobz.
Lastli, ś picćrd t hrslf hǎ ɖs sem litl sistr v hrz wd, in ɖ aftrtîm, b hrslf a groun wmn; n hǎ ś wd cīp, ʈru ol hr rîpr yirz, ɖ simpl n luvñ hart v hr ćîldhd: n hǎ ś wd gaɖr abt hr uɖr litl ćildṛn, n mc ɖer îz brît n īgr wɖ mni a strenj têl, phps īvn wɖ ɖ drīm v Wunḍland v loñ ago: n hǎ ś wd fīl wɖ ol ɖer simpl soroz, n fînd a pleźr in ol ɖer simpl jôz, rmemḅrñ hr ǒn ćîldlîf, n ɖ hapi sumrdez.
Ɖ End
