To levitate

Sit cross-legged on the floor
Eight hours or more
And hypnotise the tip of your nose
Whilst wiggling your toes.

Fill your mind with mindfulness
Or mindlessness,
Believe in self-raising flower power
And step off the tower

Or maybe not.
Perhaps inhale an awful lot
Of steam instead
Followed by helium to lighten your head

Or be ever so quiet,
Go on a vegan vacuum diet,
Shave off your hair,
Put your hands together in prayer

And as you start to self-leaven,
Devoutly raise your eyes to heaven.
Then in take-off position
Turn over your telly to aerial vision

And start to scale the heights of Zen,
But even then
Never underestimate
How hard it is

OH ME AND MY LITTLE FAITH!

Last night, when I was pissed,
I had a dream
In which God told me
He doesn’t exist.

My head was still aching,
After too many drinks.
It was such an odd situation,
I just couldn’t think.

As a lapsed Catholic
I was moderately shocked,
But Non-God was emphatic:
He’s not to be mocked.

I wanted to enquire
How canst Non-God be,

for God’s sake?!

But, oh me and my little faith!
I just didn’t dare.

So I solemnly promised
In an alcoholic haze
To stop being lapsed Catholic
And become atheist

Now, however,

that I’m feeling fine,

I know something weren’t right
About Non-God last night,
So I’ve rechanged my mind.

No longer atheist,
Lapsed Catholic once more.
Tonight I am sober,
Last night I was pissed.

COME AGAIN?

If Jesus were to come back now
to Earth from Paradise
would his first words be hey wow
or just be Jesus Christ?