•
In the beginning
God created the heavens, and
Might have left it there.
•
***
•
La la la la la.
Why should the la la’s be last?
Let the la’s be first!
•
***
•
A short poem a day
Keeps the temptation to write
Longer ones at bay.
•
***
•
Rejoice and be glad!
For this poem is both short and
Comprehensible.
•
***
•
I’m not an I am
Bic pentameter, only
A humble haiku.
•
***
•
In the beginning
Was the wordle, but wordle
Couldn’t be the word.
•
***
•
A haiku is ars
Brevis that aspires, like us,
To vita longa.
•
***
•
You might not like this
But you cannot much dislike
Such short duration.
•
***
•
As mighty oak trees grow
From little acorns, just so
Plant little poet trees.
•
***
•
Self-evidently
The past no longer exists
But at least it lasts.
•
***
•
To call Leamington
Leamington Spa still won’t do:
It’s really Royal too.
•
***
•
No use listening
To roses: if they whispered
They wouldn’t make scents.
•
***
•
From piano-forte
To pianissimo, improv
Has it all to play.
•
***
•
Had it not been for
The Angles, we anglophones could play
At being saxophones.
•
***
•
Greenwashing is when
Catastrophe’s conspired with
With a clean conference.
•
***
•
Leave the Moon alone!
Be content with fucking up
Planet Earth, our home.
•
***
•
Will lyric poets still
Be writing lyric poetry
Come the apocalypse?
•
***
•
No need to be koi.
Carpe diem, no matter
What your element.
•
***
•
They say the word Love
Is overused. Whereas love,
My love, is under
•
***
•
Rather depressing
Can be rather beautiful,
If you’re not depressed.
•
***
•
Mini-minor good,
Better than any make of
Maxi-major bad.
•
***
•
Only one way in,
One out. Amazinoutly
Labyroutinthine.
•
***
•
When deep in a maze
You may lose your head, but don’t
Ever lose the thread.
•
***
•
A traffic cone sits
On the head of our hero.
Glasgow smiles better.
•
***
•
Coventry’s three spires
Were seen from all sides. Alas!
Those views have expired.
•
***
•
Now is the time for
All good men to stand aside
For better women.
•
***
•
Allotments are more
Than war on weeds: peace and love,
And lovage and peas.
•
***
•
Double you double
You double you dot: world-wide
Heaven, world-wide Hell.
•
***
•
With whiskey butter
Porridge is poetry. The proof
Is in the porridge.
•
***
•
Here’s a little dream
Where you’re dreaming of a dream
You dreamed that you dreamt.
•
***
•
At New Street Station
Last night, the ghost passed me by
Of the late last train.
•
***
•
If you’re nice, the train
At Platform 5 will take you
Straight to Paradise.
•
***
•
In the human race
Don’t run too fast. Remember:
The first will be last.
•
***
•
Trains and boats and planes,
Cars, bikes, busses and trams, and
Feet and legs to boot.
•
***
•
Wait for the green man
And be patient with his twin.
Better red than dead.
•
***
•
See Naples and die
Or see Little Eccleston-
With-Larbreck and live.
•
***
•
Coventry Canal
Used not to meet with the Oxford,
But they’re best friends now.
•
***
•
If your choice were this –
Earthly bliss or heavenly –
Which would you most miss?
•
***
•
Red postbox, blue sky.
Push the envelope inside, but
Think outside the box.
•
***
•
Yellow, blue and red,
Thence orange, green and purple.
Black and white? Not quite.
•
***
•
Mondrian disliked green,
But whether that was mutual
Remains to be seen.
•
***
•
Escherlators are
Escalators that only
Seemingly escalate.
•
***
•
The Christian Alt-Right
Is the religion that’s right
For oxymorons.
•
***
•
A mystery for
Misogynists: how on earth
They ever came to exist.
•
***
•
It’s not right to call
People stupid, except for
People who are stupid.
•
***
•
Seventy-six and
Never been in a mosh pit.
Should I regret it?
•
***
•
Brexit meant Brexit
But also Little England
And big regretting.
•
***
•
David, Theresa,
Boris, Liz, Rishi. Alack!
Years we won’t get back.
•
***
•
Will legislators
Who advocate a little state
Auto-evaporate?
•
***
•
Your Royal Highnesses
And every aristocrat, pray
Be orf and don’t come back.
•
***
•
A republic means
A state that’s remarkably
Unmonarchable.
•
***
•
The rich and powerful
Like it when we bow and scrape.
Don’t participate!
•
***
•
Live life by profit
And loss. Lose your soul and let
Profit be your boss.
•
***
•
Expensive perfumes
Containing hardly any scent
Make hardly any sense.
•
***
•
I fell out of love
With my pre-loved pullover,
So I post-loved it.
•
***
•
Last night I dreamt of
Rebecca again, and tonight,
Reader, I’ll read it.
•
***
•
They were the best times,
They were the worst times, even
Without genitives.
•
***
•
A foreign country
Where they don’t do things the same?
That’d be the past.
•
***
•
April. Bright and cold.
The clocks were striking 13,
19, 84.
•
***
•
A wife is wanted
For a rich young bachelor,
As the whole world knows.
•
***
•
Turkeys, vote en masse
For Benjamin Zephaniah!
Don’t vote for Christmas.
•
***
•
Humanity and
Humaneness: hopelessfully
Syninymical.
•
***
•
One can never be
Too clever, except when one’s
Too clever by half.
•
***
•
Cleverness is nice
But it’s not clever to be
Clever but not nice.
•
***
•
Even the erudite
Can confuse what’s eruright
With what’s eruwrong.
•
***
•
Social media is
People’s new opium, begging
Karl Marx’s pardon.
•
***
•
Confucius him say,
Good poems save time; bad one are
Never really fin
•
***
•
Personal ID
Isn’t the real entity
Of identity.
•
***
•
Be true to yourself
(If you can still remember
Quite which self is you).
•
***
•
Whether you travel
Near or far, it’s not easy
To arrive at who you are.
•
***
•
The last time I looked
I wasn’t me, nor was I
Either one of we.
•
***
•
Being good’s better than
Being godly, unless being godly
Makes good get better.
•
***
•
Is your glass half-full?
In that case you should perhaps
Keep it somewhere safe.
•
***
•
I remember that,
In the 1960s, I
Wasn’t really there.
•
***
•
Would you have others
Do unto you, sisters, brothers,
As you do unto them?
•
***
•
Perfectionism
Plus imperfectionism
Makes humourism.
•
***
•
OSCAIL AN OKNO
•
Neznámý jazyk.
Krásný schovaný výhled.
Otevři okno.
•
Teanga iasachta.
Radharc an-álainn i bhfolach.
Oscail an fhuinneog.
•
Língua estrangeira.
Bela vista escondida.
Abre a janela.
•
Une langue étrangère.
Une scène très belle mais cachée.
Ouvrez la fenêtre.
•
Eine Fremdsprache.
Schöne versteckte Szene.
Öffne das Fenster
•
A foreign language.
A beautiful hidden view.
Open the window.
•
***
•
Erratic spelling
Didn’t in the least demean
William Shakspere’s name.
•
***
•
I wandered lonely
As a cloud that floats on high
O’er No Entry signs.
•
***
•
Half of England owned
By one percent is serfdom
By another name.
•
***
•
The fearless soldier
Goes down fighting. The writer,
Right to the full stop.
•
***
•
Indefinite a
And most definitely the
Shouldn’t end like that.
•
***
•
What’s not rocket science
But is now the new normal?
No brainer! Cliché.
•
***
•
Please bring some apples
Up the pears, when coming down
The pears and apples.
•
***
•
Being invisible
Shouldn’t mean you can’t be heard,
Just you can’t be
•
***
•
Always a better,
Always a worse, but never
A mediocrer.
•
***
•
Pandemonium, pan,
Pandemic, saucepan, frying pan,
Panic, deadpan, pan.
•
***
•
Did it just happen
By happenstance? Half the world
Ruled by psychopaths.
•
***
•
Tolstoy’s War and Peace
Was just one piece in a world
Of wars and peaces.
•
***
•
How to put the world
In a pother: pander to
People like Putin.
•
***
•
What’s so familiar
About the mass murderer
Vladolfmir Pitler?
•
***
•
Says Mr Putin,
Don’t be good. If I could be
More evil, I would.
•
***
•
Seven, eight, nine, ten,
Eleven. Evil bastards
Don’t go to heaven.
•
***
•
Tories are revolt
Ing. Boris Johnson’s revolt
Ing. Why aren’t we re
•
***
•
Poems won’t stop a war
But we must fight to make sure
That wars don’t stop poems.
•
***
•
The Taliban ban
Women from doing what men can.
Ban the Taliban!
•
***
•
Sod the effing bastards!
(Unpoetic language is fine
If kept to one line.)
•
***
•
One peace is never
Enough: it takes many more
To make just one peace.
•
***
•
Things could be better
Elsewhere in the multiverse,
If not multiworse.
•
***
•
A part of our world,
Our galaxy and universe.
Unique: you, me, us.
•
***
•
Whilst waiting in line,
Synchronised jigging of hips
Might help pass the time.
•
***
•
Précis: concisely
Saying what was said. There’s really
Nothing else to say.
•
***
•
This might have been like
What one would write, were one not
Sick of subjunctives.
•
***
•
Is thought inferior
To not thinking? That’s something
One might think about.
•
***
•
Money makes the world
Go round, whereupon the rich
Round it up, not down.
•
***
•
If you’re somebody,
Seems you must marry someone
Who’s not nobody.
•
***
•
Yeats keeps arising
And going, going but never gone
Along to Innisfree.
•
***
•
Round about midnight
Is about the right time for
Midnight roundabouts.
•
***
•
Woke up this morning,
Got them City blues. Five nil
To the visitors.
•
***
•
A game of two halves:
Forty-five minutes followed
By the same again.
•
***
•
A field is a field,
A pitch is a pitch, except
When pitch is playing field.
•
***
•
Raynauld’s wouldn’t be
So-cold, if it wasn’t he who
Discovered Raynauld’s.
•
***
•
The extremely unctious
In extremis have no need
Of extreme unction.
•
***
•
Veritas vincit.
Vincit veritas. Looked at
Front or back, truth wins.
•
***
•
Charity may be
The best of the three, but hope
Is the last to leave.
•
***
•
Nudging native tongues
To linguacide’s a silent
Sort of genocide.
•
***
•
The Land of the Free:
A euphemia where people
Get shot frequently.
•
***
•
America, please
See common sense: amend that
Murderous amendment.
•
***
•
Owning a joke shop
Is no laughing matter: it’s
The way they sell them.
•
***
•
Little Bo Peep’s sheep!
Lost! … Leave them alone! Wagging,
Tails have happy endings.
•
***
•
Hey, Talking Black Sheep!
Got any wool? Yeah, three bags –
One each for three peeps.
•
***
•
Higgle Piggle Hen
Lays lots of eggs, which I then
Sell to gentlemen.
•
***
•
Hey diddle diddle,
Cat cow little dog fiddle.
Dish spoon skedaddle.
•
***
•
Miss Muffet. Tuffet,
Curds, whey. Spider beside her!
Miss Muffet hops it.
•
***
•
Little Jack Horner,
Corner, Christmas pie, thumb, plum,
Self-praise. Rum-ti-tum.
•
***
•
Humpty Dumpty. Wall.
Fall! King’s cavalry. First aid.
Alas! Too ovulate.
•
***
•
Old lady swallowed
Fly spider bird cat dog goat
Cow horse. Dead? Of course.
•
***
•
Grand Old Duke of York.
Ten thousand men. Up. Down. Up
Up. Down down… Dope.
•
***
•
Down the woods today?
Surprise! There’s a picnic there
For teddy bears. Yay!
•
***
•
A lesser grievance
Of old age, good grief! is pips
Stuck between your teeth.
•
***
•
Two coincident
Cups of cocoa has to be
Cocoincidence.
•
***
•
When all’s said and done
And the battle’s lost and won,
Earth still orbits Sun.
•
***
•
After poetry, there’s
Doggerel, caterwaul and –
Begad! – bugger all.
•
***
•
Live in the mo… Woops!
Live… Woops! … or just keep living
In the past… Perfect!
•
***
•
Live life like a poem.
No matter how hard at times,
Try to make it rhyme.
•
***
•
We all live to die,
Which explains why we mostly
Spend life dying to live.
•
***
•
The future presents
An enigma wrapped up in
A real-time riddle.
•
***
•
Life is a struggle
Of Now versus Then, in which
Then is the winner. Amen.
•
***
•
Metaphorical
And literal heartache. Not
Even simile.
•
***
•
Heart failure is bad
But not even half as bad
As failure of the soul.
•
***
•
I’m dead, I think, though
According to R Descartes,
Erm… therefore I aren’t.
•
***
•
Humorous alive,
Perhaps post-humorously
Funny on the other side.
•
***
•
When you’re feeling up
Side down, fix your feet firmly
Upon the ceiling.
•
***
•
What happened before
The beginning began? And
What, after the end ends?
•
***
•
Spring summer autumn
Winter. Birth adolescence
Adulthood death. Spring
•
***
•
Et in saecula
Saeculorum orum or
Um orum. Amen.
•
***
•
Horror without end
Is even worse than an end
With horror.
•
The End.